Gay Wannabe

i wanna be gay.

i.e. happy.

yesterday we went t dukhan n it wsnt very gay at all. i had my moments of quietness n profound thinking n sitting down doin nothings at th household thts y. bforehand tho, me carisa n dhea got bored at th field so we went t th playground n tuk pics. u may observe FB. in th household we just ate n talkd n th other girls narcissed. i ws th only teen girl ther who never joined a single narcist pic.
nothin else t say abt tht day, xcept tht, i repeat, it wsnt very gay at all. so normal.

i stayed up with carisa n andin cz i hadta do my kaifa h/w. bt we ddnt even present it tday. oh well. i had my chirpy n crazy moments with matar tho n actually slept at 2.. i think. forgot. i exchanged words with adam in deviantart n it ws quite amusing n led him t adding me on msn too. at 11:30pm+ md suddenly burst in th house n i ws like WTH MD WT R U DOIN HERE bla3 surprised, shocked. its nice t have her here tho.

ugh tday i felt so emo. i ddnt want to, i tried t stop it, bt i just was. me n my family went t CC n BHS afta kaifa - in BHS we dd serious shopping. totalled up t more than 500QR. AWESOME. i bot 1 pants n 2 sweaters 8D pdhl niatny beli jaket tpi g ad. i opened ebuddy chat in CC n found an offline message from fajar n i got rele upset cz i ws at kaifa when he sent it, 9AM. i calld him stupid cz he shudve thot of tht fact bfore goin online.

at home i ws in total remorse n blankness cz of tht [ my chat with hamzah ddnt help either ]. i cudnt stop thinkin of it. he ws like 'bs?' n went all gibberish n then sed 'huee ure off' n bla. bt then at 6:30 he went online n i ws so panicked n nervous as t how t say things n stuff bt th convo flowed fine - until th last 10 minutes tht is. i cudnt tell him evrythin yet tho. id need an ntire day. he went into his pathetic mode which i rele hate n i went into support-bt-fail mode + grudge-cz-u-never-listen-t-me mode. th convo ended with me bein th sad one n he th sleepy one. even when we're thousands of miles apart we still argue over th same thing. my heart felt a lot of pain then bt i cudnt cry, cz my tears r kinda malfunctioned now, or i ran out of em. so i just felt deep pain. bt i chatted with afif n i pretty much feel better already. plus, i cnt stop wndering y th hell fajar wnts t call me syania now. o__O;; wt a weird boy.