Dead Heart

tday's SBM ws th best.. i felt rele happy thruout th ntire 7hrs.

th pictures can remind me bt i wont frget how fajar talkd t me again all of a sudden cz he ws askin abt my questionnaire results n apparently we both had th potential t sell. we mentioned 2/3x tht day how we're gunna be in th same company in th future n sell stuff tgether, with umar bein th owner n hamzah n fadhli bein th securities. it ws great. i talkd t him a lot. n i mean a lot. prhaps evry 2-7 minutes. even when he sat bside iwan n umar he still calld my name t say smethin; even when th room ws dark n ther ws a slideshow goin on he calld my name n sed somethin t make me laugh. even when iwan left he moved t sit at th edge so we can talk easier twards th end of th lecture. we ddnt pay attention at all. just t ourselves. seriously if any of u ever had or will ever have a friend like him thers endless memories t type, think n recall abt. its such a special kind of friendship. he made me so happy tday. rele rele happy.

bt then in kempo i died. i ddnt bother t try t laugh or smile. i ddnt bother t be positive again. i ddnt bother payin attention t th examples properly thus sensei jodi kinda made me wanna cry when he seemed t scold me a bit. i ddnt bother replying t th convo dhe3 dnf n fajar had in th car. i ddnt bother abt anythin else xcept th intense, intense pain i felt inside. even til now i still wonder y my happiness always turns upside down rite when i am at th highest point of bein in tht state.

this isnt my typical miserable self guys. this isnt my typical depression. this isnt th typical grief rave wher i complain abt things n rant on abt fate n God n stuff. so dnt go on abt how im 'emo', cz im not. im serious. bcuz if it ws my typical sadness, then y dd i shut myself in th bathroom when i got home for 4 minutes just t cry? a cry tht can be heard - th kind of cry wher u literally sob i.e. say huhu's. for once i ddnt even bother opening up t anyone. n i dnt even kno when i will.

i cnt do my ict h/w with this kinda mood. so i wanna skip school tmorrow. no matter wt my parents say i just cnt go t school tmorrow.