My 2008 Life.

January
New Year was spent like that in 2008. It was awesome, making cupcakes and playing outside; the boys were having a BBQ. The Isynas and Space Sisters weren't able to attend. Pictures can never describe how January went for me - but I'm pretty sure it was the month everything started to change, especially myself. Yeah, in January I became an emo, always depressed, always sad, and it was all because of my feelings towards Hamzah, and how he acted towards me. I was even still super close with Farah. I really, really changed.


February
In pictures February looked like a nice month, with events like the Circus, Sekompond Party and Krispy Kreme's opening. But I remember how awful it actually was. I got in a 1 month fight with Hamzah starting from around the 5th of February, and inbetween all of that I struggled so hard to have fun, smile and be happy everyday. Fajar started showing a lot more concern for me here, and I probably told everyone about my problems.


March
My fight with Hamzah was over in the middle of March, but I got in another one with Fajar although that didn't get in the way of anything. March was one of my favourite months, we were so focused on Robotics and had continuous meetings and stuff. I don't remember being too depressed over anything here.

April
I loved April. Probably the best month in 2008. And also the worst. Because 1, I got in another feud with Hamzah and it didn't end until mid-May causing me to again be all emo and stuff [why it was worst], and 2, because there were a lot of memorable times and it's the month where Fajar acknowledged me as a best friend, where we were together nearly every single time we could, where I felt happiest even when the worst was still happening [the fight]. He changed things a lot. Another thing that happened in April was that I became extremely closed. I started to stop telling even my best friends how I felt and critical times that occured to me. Whenever I was sad I didn't want anyone to know, I just poured it all in DeviantART or on Fajar and Arya. I never told anyone why I became closed though.


May
My IGCSEs started here so no events happened. I was too busy at home so I hardly saw anyone, but I remember Kempo was something very major in my life at this time. Hamzah troubles stopped but Fajar troubles started - but nothing that important. It was a quite neutral month. I think we all started being RO fanatics too, and I amused myself with that.




June
Probably the 2nd best month in 2008. I had extreme Fajar issues that lasted til 10-ish June, and they were not pretty. And no, they weren't why it was the best month. Fighting with Fajar taught me things and I think it even caused me to stop liking Hamzah, which I didn't realise [or didn't want to realise] until mid-July. Even 'til now I still don't know if liking Hamzah or making a huge fuss over him about friendship all the time did any good, or taught me anything. Actually, I think it sort of did me bad because I became a depressed person, but I never regretted any part of it. It was an uncommon experience. Anyway, lots of fun stuff happened in this month. It was our last moments with Iwan [not] & MD and 'celebrating' them was awesome.


July
Summer in Indonesia. It was normal, but the Outbond was spectacular. Dufan sort of backfired because CC and Fajar weren't there but I enjoyed myself anyway. I smsed Fajar a lot 'til the total number of messages reached 555. I started to realise the Hamzah thing and that Fajar is really important.

August
In Qatar. Extreme loneliness and boredom. No contact with anyone. But there was RO, so whatever.


September
Ramadan started and something I really disliked about it was that me and Fajar had a fight. 2 I think, I forgot. And I think it was either this month or the next that I sort of broke off something he and I shared. Gradually things started to change again, but RO made it unnoticeable and better. I also thought that Year 12 will suck because everything seemed so alone. Yes, I was still a pessimist emo. In the healing process for the emo part though.


October
MD came and it was a glorious month. Maybe the 3rd or 4th or 5th most favourite month in 2008. Lots of stuff happened and I discovered that my feelings for Hamzah are so neutral now. I started being a hater though. Some things changed too, and I hated it. Since I am a normal person now [optimistic perhaps?], I don't try to remember the exact dates I fight with Fajar anymore. In November I still remembered, but starting from December I learned to forget. Who needs to remember things like that? But I know that I did have a fight with him in October. I think little by little we stopped playing RO too.


November
I think this is in the 3rd/4th/5th most favourite month category too. I had a 2 week fight with Fajar, but I wasn't an emo anymore. I was just an empty person, sentimental, lonely. I didn't even mind anymore that I was alone a lot at school. Emo felt too exaggerating and insulting. But despite that fact, I learned to look at the sky. Unlike my fights with Hamzah where I go depressed and hopeless and cry cry cry, with the Fajar fights, I thought of alternatives. I didn't think of it too much, I didn't try to cling to him, to be all desperate, to find out how he feels, instead I believed in him, I reduced the amount of tears I cried, and I actually began to open up again. I started telling things to Matar and Cania, and Hamzah, although that isn't surprising. Blogging also helped me. After going through so many obstacles without ever giving up, me and Fajar finally stopped fighting. We really really stopped. And if we ever came across an argument later on, we'd try to end it immediately. He changed though. He started hiding his feelings, hardly saying anything sweet anymore, and he goes moody all the time. He talks to me about weird things that I hate hearing from him and I start to notice he's a lot mature. Well, it's called puberty right? Well anyway, besides all that, we had awesome times like the Corniche Walk.



December
Here we are. December. I became a lazy butthead which is not good considering all the positive changes that happened in November. Oh, I also learned to look on the bright side better and I stopped crying. I feel a lot more mature now. This month was extremely lonely however. A waste of time. I wish the holiday wasn't ever this long. Nevertheless, events happened that were a lot fun.

So that was my 2008 life. It was probably the most... affective year ever. I love my 2008 self than my previous selves though, despite the fact that now I am less cheerful. Too many things happened, both good and bad. I'm surprised I can learn so much in 1 year. I'll always love 2007 more though, because it was so happy. I even prefer Year 11 than Year 12. But I bet when I go to university next year, maybe, I'll love 2008. Actually, when I look back, 2008 isn't so bad anymore. Is life always like that? How will 2009 be? I don't know. Better, worse? More changes will happen, that's for sure. We will be separated. I might start a new life after the summer. I won't say I'll always move on, because I don't think that's the right thing to do. I won't cling on to my past, either.
2009 is just a number. Days will go by as usual.

Smiles are Shining

If the sky was on the ground, I wouldn't mind not being able to fly

Plain White T's - Shine [hear it, it's beautiful T-T]
Dedicated to someone very special to me.

You know it tears me up inside
to see the feelings that you hide
Hide inside that empty bottle
I wish you saw how great you were
I wish you saw what life was worth
You wouldn't have to hide your problems

And I don't care what you might think
Can't even talk when you're this way

Run away, run away
But that won't make it any better
Run away, run away
And make tomorrow harder to live than today

There's so much out there you could miss
there's so much life out there to live
If you would just believe in yourself
You know you're better than all of this
you know you've got so much to give
But you're so afraid to give all of yourself

There's a bright light shining inside you
it shines out through your eyes
Don't drown it away, don't be afraid, don't hide
Let it shine

You say you're looking for happiness
but when it comes, you run away from it
You tell yourself you don't deserve it
There's not much more that I can do
now the rest is up to you
Until you love yourself, you'll never change

Run away, run away
But that won't make it any better
Run away, run away
And make tomorrow harder to live than today
Run away, run away
You'll keep on running until you deal with today

This morning I had a bad dream... Not a nightmare, just a negative dream.

I was inside this enormous building that reminded me of the Mayflower in the movie Mirrors. I was meant to get something from this cupboard but this kid started saying I'm doing something wrong and he released some sort of... lizard dragon monster from a drawer and it started to chase me. I ran and ran and ran - why do I keep getting dreams of myself being chased? - across the dark and broken corridors, only lit with dim white lamps. I hated that moment.
It bit me, caught me, but I kept running and I didn't get hurt at all. Soon it disappeared, and I saw sky-lengthed doors, opened, the bright beams of light entering from it very welcoming... I sped towards it and jumped off the staircases, and for a few seconds I was flying. It felt like something in movies. I landed on the grass and my family was there, one of them had Starbucks and I was like where'd you get that? And when I looked to my left there was a Starbucks stand.
Suddenly we landed in front of my home, which seemed to be connected to someone else's. The house was big and grey and people were crowding at the front welcoming us back. I think we were on holiday. I was told to go inside to fetch our keys, and there was Cania, Dhe3, Izza and some other girls. To the right were the boys, sitting together on a long chair playing a game. I knew the house belonged to Fajar because it was Om Agus that searched for the key. After obtaining it, standing to the left of the long chair, I stared at the row of boys, waiting to get a look at Fajar because just like in real life I haven't seen him in a long time. When his head was unblocked by the other boys' heads, he turned to look at me and I smiled and waved at him and you know what... he just stared at me blankly, then turned back to the game. He looked back up again and I tried again and this time he did a small grin and lifted his hand up. Then they all went inside a room and started abusing Fadhli, then there was a story about Fikar escaping from stairs, and a picture of Boii and Poppy popped up. I turned to the girls and talked to them, and it ended.

Well, it was a bad dream because of Fajar's reaction.
Who knows what will happen in real life when we see each other again? Will he do the same thing as he did in my dream? Before having it, I wasn't worried about anything. But now, I'm afraid...

Afif's House

Well I decided that I should type in proper English now :b But if ever I get sick of it, then I'll return to the slang.

Afif's House 1 - Thursday 25th December 2008

The day after CC came on Wednesday, me, MD, all the Isyna boys and Fadhli went over to Afif's house. I brought the horror movie Wrong Turn, intending to watch that and Mirrors. When we reached, Mirrors was immediately popped into the player and Afif brought over his laptop so Fadhli could check out the homepage of Hotel626, which was still a mystery and craze at that time [although up until now I still don't know the ending so I'd like to play again :)]. Abid was not there, so it was only Icha that popped up to join us.
It wasn't as scary and traumatic as I thought - I expected myself to fear looking in the mirror after that movie but I wasn't. It was just bloody and gore and ugh [I shrieked sometimes of course]. Khalid and Fadhli were often Facebooking - plus, for the 1st time ever I saw Umar being scared. He hid himself behind a pillow and peeked over it and damn, it was the one of the cutest Umars I've seen in my life. He even huddled with Afif and moved far away from the TV XD
Well when the movie was done it was nearly Maghrib so there was no more time for Wrong Turn... So we played Hotel626 instead /gg. I found it brilliant fun, playing with the others that is. Umar even recorded us with his VideoCam, which he placed on the DVD player so that he could be in the video too XD Afif kept going in hysterics and because of the game so I laughed instead of getting shocked. The boys gathered around me like a group of weaklings being taunted by a bully as I was the one that controlled the game, a girl; how lame is that? Well, Hamzah and Umar took over sometimes because they knew what to do. Icha and MD were too scared to look I think?
We never got to finish the game 'cause the loading was sooo slow therefore... We made sushi! :D It had crab and shrimp in it so I didn't eat any ): I watched Afif intently and it looked fun *__* Though he failed cutting a load of times XD I used Hamzah's camera to take vids, which reminds me, I want them and the vids from Umar. At around 6 past we were picked up. Tis all :D

Group Study Session - Sunday 28th December 2008

There was meant to be Abid in the study session me, Umzah, Nisa and Dhea had in the clubhouse but instead Farah came over [although hours later]. We began at 4pm, studying Maths. First of all everybody was serious but later on Dhea and Nisa started talking so the amount of concentration decreased [although Umar, Hamzah and I were still ikhlas]. Umar was Muted [he 'suddenly felt ill and can't speak'] so when we talked to him he had to reply with sign language and it felt like a game of charades XD Everytime that happened we laughed because it was funny, and he was cute. Oh, Hamzah asked me a lot of questions too and I felt grateful.
Farah joined us at like later later, and she brought over a bowl of Instant Noodles which we finished in 15 minutes. We mostly talked about Sanlat stuff, boys e.g. Adit [AHHAH] , Dhea and ehem, Nisa and ehem and err, yeah that's all I guess. Oh, Muhamad Prihatna too I think, and even Umar's toe which looks the same as Dhea's thumb. The convos were hilarious and Farah kept talking with her Cinta Laura accent XDXDXD MD appeared at 8 or something, I think.
At 9 the twins left yet the girls stayed a bit then went over to DnF's to see Adit's FS HAHAHAA. I went home early at 9:30-ish because I wanted to sleep early too.

Afif's House 2 - Tuesday 30th December 2008

Nisa invited me to a study session at Abid's house suddenly and I agreed because I really can't concentrate at home - but when we went over we only did 1hour work, which I look back on and think 'I shouldn't have gone'. But I had fun. Fun which I shouldn't have gotten. My parents lectured me for like 35 minutes the other day and I felt horrible but my Dad was fine with my current failing, lazy condition nevertheless. Dad, aren't you being too nice to me?
Well anyway, there was Boii, Arya, me, Nisa, DnF, MD, Icha, Indra, Afif and Arya. Umzah wasn't allowed to come. We started off being random, doing computer stuff, TV, whatever lah, then worked on Maths in Abid's room until 3:30 which is when we climbed up the ladder to the roof to play cards, which were amusing. We felt sorry for Afif who kept getting all the cards xD We stopped at Maghrib, eating KFC.
I wanted to continue working whilst watching Mirrors again because Nisa and Dhea were interested, but I glued my eyes to the screen instead of my maths book .__. We went home at like 7:30? Sigh. At home I malah Facebook-an and chat with Arya instead of doing Maths like I intended. I curhated [Idk the English word] with that man, and it was really, really comforting. I haven't curhat like that in a while except once, a little bit with Adam I think, and Ila, so yeah. I usually curhat with Fajar, but he isn't here this month when infact I wanted to talk about so many things, so I had to wait - and finally Arya was there, ready to listen. I can't talk about something like that with anyone except Fajar and Arya; I tried to with Hamzah but he wasn't interested. He's never interested, so that added up to my previous waiting. We chatted from 9pm til 1AM, har2.

K that's all.

KAIFA Sanlat

KAIFA Pesantren Kilat [Sanlat]
Friday 26th December - Saturday 27th December 2008

OK in this hideously novel entry I'm gonna try typing in proper English. If I like it, then I'll keep it this way, if not, I'll continue with my excessive slang :) But tell me what you guys think, OK?

Day 1,
The educational day [as usual]. Well we all met up at the compound and I was attracted to one of the boys. I saw Arya too but couldn't greet him; too far away.
When we reached Al-Ghariya Resort I reminded myself of horrible memories, memories that didn't get in the way of anything though - infact, it only made me less remorseful. Anyhow I'll talk about that at the end where people don't have to read.
So, we had an introduction session, then separated ourselves into 3 rooms. I was literally dragged into Poppy's group but I didn't want to be separated with Matar so I was trying to go back to the Nisa group. Eventually they pulled in Carisa but we still wanted to be with the others so off we went. Huzzah. We called ourselves Hotel 626 or whatever XD I loved the bed ;__; Oh and I took more videos than I did pictures.
We prayed then ate lunch and afterwards were sent out to discuss groups. I did not enjoy that part because 1, it was freaking bright and 2, I was not particularly pleased with my group. I was hoping to be with Matar yet again but she ended up with Farah, Nisa and Dhe3. D: Also, I had no idea what the adults were saying about this mentor thing.

*Warning, Swearing* Back inside, we were told what to do, which is a fucking stupid yell. Our group was called Annisa. I hate yell2 stuffs and for your information I prefer being an individualist than a teamworker. But if I am in a team, I try my best to contribute and take part vigorously. Which is what I did with my group, because none of them freaking helped me for the 1st 15 minutes when it came to thinking of a cheer [they were also silent and I was the one that blabbed]. Well, Annisa extended my idea [which is to use the 'Who Let the Dogs Out' song] and finally Aya thought of something which we ended up using and improving. Thank God. The mentor freakin pressured me though man, she was always telling ME to do this and do that, just because I'm the leader and that's only cause I'm the fucking oldest? Tell the other members to do something too lah, masa gua doank? Wtf happened to teamwork here?

Anyway later on the boys came in 'cause there was a lecture about the negatives and positives of a person's personality. I sat against a column away from Matar who was next to Umar *dies*. We were then given red and green paper in which we must write the good and bad points of a friend of our choice, to give to them personally. I got 5 + and 5 -, and was not surprised at any of them because I already know. Although I sort of disagree with Dhea saying I go bigheaded when someone compliments me, because I honestly think I don't, and if I do, it would most likely be a joke. Plus I believe I am not a crybaby anymore Dhe3.

Then it was Maghrib and we were free to do what we wanted, I think. I entered Room 3 where the window was, peeked out to check the wind and saw wonderful Umar who was wearing the red jacket and asked him something I forgot what. Poppy was speculating and questioned me if that was Umar or Hamzah and I said Umar, then she suddenly presented me a blue Nike jacket that looked exactly like the one Hamzah was wearing and I was staring at it, amazed. She told me to wear it so that we could be matching or something, then Ichay piped up and did those cie stuff I think but I said I don't like Hamzah anymore but Poppy urged me to borrow it so I accepted anyway. People started asking me things when I brought it to the room and I felt weird because of that and when I wore it too. Outside though, I found that it was extremely comfortable and warm [just like the person?] so I ignored the feeling and walked to the recreational area alone, where I saw my friends and Hamzah who I happily showed the jacket to. Surprisingly he gave a positive reaction, and that's when I felt thankful I borrowed it.

I don't know how but we both suddenly started walking away from the crowd and to the bird cage together talking about God knows what, but as usual, it doesn't matter because I haven't talked to him like that in a while. It must've been weird, 2 people wearing the same jacket strolling along together xD Dhea then noticed and shouted out 'AWWW HOW SWEET/ROMANTIC!' and started taking a picture but we looked away because for once, I was embarrassed. Thus, we separated and I randomly talked to Afdal about photography [OH WAIT that was what me and Hamzah were talking about!] and Elang and Buday interrupted. Buday wanted to shake hands with me but I rejected, then the eagle whispered something about missing his chance to Buday. ??

After that I think it was time to BBQ, sorry if I got the order wrong. We were disappointed and totally hated the sheer segregration that was conducted, because wouldn't it be funner if we did it together? Me, Md and Nisa went down to the beach the long way and when I tried to help out tears ran out of my eyes because the smoke was just too intense. Therefore I wandered about and found a cool alley inbetween the girls and boys' area. Jihad and Dasa/Ariq/Ocha/whoever found me, then Nisa and MD and Cania came along, or was it that I showed them a picture of the place then lead them there? Ah, who cares. It was such a cool alley, and so were the pictures. But it was a bit spooky and I think someone kept getting scared because of the shadows passing in the distance.

Then we had more free time; me, Carisa, Nisa and someone I forgot walked to the far end of the street and then back. I invited the boys but they stayed back to talk with Dhe3 and some other girls. Soon people started going inside but me and Matar went to the playground and mingled with the little boys, only to be told by a mentor that there was another freakin lecture! The time was 9 or something already. The lecture was held in the boys' villa now and talked about teenagers and future stuff and I was soooo sleepy. Mr. Erwin then showed us a video of Palestine war stuff and it was gore ._. Finally at 10:30 past, we got to go back inside (: But we all slept after 12AM, doing random stuff. I remember dominating Dhe3, Nisa and Carisa's bed because it ws awesomely soft and I couldn't get up so they were irritated. XD I slept on the floor next to Farah with my sleeping bag and trustee flower pillow.

Day 2,
We all woke up [I was one of the last] at 3:00 AM because of Annisa's hilarious alarm which Nisa immediately transferred into her phone. Downstairs, we had a Quran reading session then prayed Tahajud. I didn't feel that sleepy even though I only had 3 hours of sleep. At 4-ish we attended a Muhasabah at the dudes', the place was really cool, lit with candles and all. But it seemed like someone died. The man talked about things I hear countless of times and already understand so I couldn't bring the emotion to myself - besides, like I said, my tears seem to have ran out didn't they? It would've been better if I cried though.

Back at our villa we did morning stuff and were forced to do more group work. This time though, my teammates contributed more and we actually discussed our assembly presentation [which was a comedic shooting for an Islamic TV show by the way] and was happy with it - although we didn't have enough time to prepare. We even went outside to plan it out and laughed. The mentor still depended on me too much though. Soon breakfast called and at 7:30AM the outbond started. The games were amusing and fun, and that's when I felt that Annisa really was my team. We failed like 3/4x though, thus receiving 4 lipstick marks on our faces xD I did not take videos or pictures because I left my camera in the room and had no time to fetch it, sadly.

When that was done at 9:30, we had another break, I think. I forgot the array of everything after the outbond, but I remember everyone talking about a boy called Rio that looks like Carisa and the assembly that all groups performed at except mine because we did not have a script. I don't have anything to say about it. Adit [I was quite interested in him too] and Dhea were the best participants. When it was lunch time I already returned the jacket back to Poppy; I seriously wore that thing everytime you know. The wind was awesome [I spun around once to feel it and saw Boey doing the same - then he smiled at me 0.0;; It was a loose, natural smile. How sweet! (: I smiled back.] but it kept freaking blowing away my kerupuks. Hamzah inquired me about someone and I got in a fit at him. Actually, because of that and another private reason, I ignored him 'til it was time to go home, but I bet he didn't even notice because all the girls were surrounding him, Umar and Khalid at their car at some point at home time, which was 2pm, so why should he even bother with me? Me and Matar/Nisa/whoever went over to Arya and tried to converse, then the other girls rampaged and we had a 'fangirl' picture taken. xD

After taking pictures alone and walking to the Zoo thing with Ocha, it was time to head home. But to my surprise, we were gonna go quadbiking! There was DnF, Nisa, Umzah, Dhe3, Annisa and Anniza. No CC sadly, they went already. Oddly enough Hamzah started talking to me so I replied; guess the ignoring is over. Anyway, quadbiking was wicked fun, and it's been nearly 2 years since I rode one. I drove the small quad though so I didn't have full experience, but towards the end I drove it wildly and super fast which caused MD who was with me to keep screaming. The bumpy parts were also win, but when I rode it with the big bike I got scared XD The small one was safer ;D Watching breathtaking Umar was very fulfilling too [and I know he'll never read this!] x) In the bumpy parts he lifted his butt off the chair which made him look cooler and pro and more awesome than he already is. I took lots of videos whilst my dad took fail pictures. Then at 4 we went home yet I didn't even pray Asar yet ._. I slept in the car but at home I watched TV for hours and did the normal laptop drill. Guess I'm a weak sleeper huh?

OK so, basically I don't know whether I had fun in that Sanlat or not [and no I did not copy Hamzah]. Sure I had a few good moments, but to be honest, they didn't help me with the overall feeling, and the feeling of when I was there. I seriously thought it could've been better, but how, I don't know either. There was nothing special, unique or happy enough to remember. Well, maybe the Hamzah walk thing and stupidity in our room were memorable but that's basically all I can think of. Even during the event I did not have continuous smiles like everyone else. I wasn't exactly emo either, but I felt like I was alone, like nothing was satisfying, because it wasn't. See, this is why that place is bad news.
If you were miraculously wondering about the remorse of bad memories thing, I'll say it now. April 2007, Al Ghariya. Sekompond had a nice outing for themselves and everything was going great until Bs did something stupid by accident which caused a dear friend of hers to get angry at her, resulting in a fight, which didn't end the next day, or the next, or the next. So she was in deep sadness throughout the entire session of activities Om Susilo held, the entire time they played baseball and kasti and had extreme fun, basically... the entire 2nd day. You all know who I'm talking about.
So frequently at the Sanlat I kept thinking of that time, and no, not because I am a person who can't erase bad memories, but because the place just reminds me of yet another time me and Fajar can't repeat anymore, just like the fireworks thing. There is no more Al Ghariya events for us both to experience together happily. He made me feel, even though every single Indon Qatar friend I have was there, that something was missing, and it was him. Has any of you ever felt that? I don't even know what he would do with me if he was there, but he would be THERE, talking to me nonetheless and even if all he could have said was 'Eh ambilin kerupuk dong', I would accept that as everything to make up for 2 years ago. I don't care how it could have went. I just find it really awful how we both missed 2 chances in major events because of our past fights and his holiday in the South-East. Times that can never come back.

The next day in Facebook people started posting photos of the Sanlat and as hours passed I couldn't help but to ponder that photos hide away sorrow that is actually present in the moment, but not the actual photo itself.

How to Fail Yr12

Me n matar wer gleefully chatting when suddenly i dcided t show her smethin from my mobile. Bt then i thot 'hmmh while th webcam loads let obama greet her' n so i put obama in front of th cam. n then i saw my gingerbread man, n dcided t put him too. n then they lukd like such a happy family so i put th gingerbread's house behind them. n then i put th peace hand bcuz obama is a peacemaker. n then i put th madagascar animal which carisa thot ws a freakin elephant as their pet. n then finally i put a flower above obama's head cz he's gay like tht.



Close up shot ;D

n thts when th abominable spiked monster destroyed their home >:

So anyway, ill state wt ive been doing for th past days. Facebook. Geo Challenge. Chatting. Chatting. Chatting. Facebook. Geo Challenge. Eating. Sitting in front of laptop doing laptop stuff. Nt working. Nt studying.
How unproductive! sigh im so lame .___.;; anyway th geo challenge ws only cz i wnted t beat umar cz he kept beating my high scores. D: bt anyhow its fun bein in cmpetition with a guy :D He starts t reply better in chat too, n im glad.

Yesterday CC n andin cme over t th kompond when i wnted t go t abid's, bt tht plan ws changed for tday insted, so i stayed at home. It ws nt until like 4 tht cania n nisa barged into my house. We facebooked n chatted n then dd smething soooooo funny we kept laughing hysterically bt i cudnt let out any tears of joy. Wts wrong with my tears these days?! So anyway tht probably lasted til like 7pm cz we had too much fun n ddnt wanna go anywher til we wer satisfied with it. O yea we webcam-an with Iwan n for a minute fajar appeared n his hair luks different. When he ws typing he wudnt show his face on th screen, typical. Gah i hate him.
Then we went t dnf's wher ther ws carisa andin dhea n frh. they wer doin facebook too bt then me n matar lead evryone else t nisa's house so she cn give out souvenirs.
We stayed in nisa's house for an hour or so, talking mostly. n hamzah n umar played th piano. we also gathered at th front of th house just talking. i ws mostly at th door :D CC n andin already went home at tht time.
Once i wnted t luk at th brisingr book cania got hamzah. turns out he ws lukin at it so i stood bside him waiting t see it whilst talking t him. all of a sudden tnte ita burst open th door n started talkin t hamzah who immediately jolted up n rushed off. When she ws gone, hamzah flopped on th couch n sed 'my reputation' i think, or smethin like tht, n we both thot of th same thing. It ws dreadful. my reputation ws at stake too. x__x;;

Anyway then we went t dnf's wher we ate pasta n massive karaoke-ed. it ws fun, cz we ALL sang. even hamzah. he sang much louder cmpared t umar bt umar amazingly kept dominating th mic. we teased khalid abt his facebook status n he ws actually smiling.
since it ws just karaoke thers nothin much t describe bsides tht umar is so cool when he sings, even tho i cnt rele hear him. he dsnt sound tht bad either, like how hamzah describes it >__>;; oh n hamzah's voice is actually ok too =D nisa had most passion n she dominated th mic a lot too, which lead me into suspicion as t y UMAR wnted t keep singing n takin over th mic.
It lasted til 10:45pm :D

SOS

help......

i cnt do any work at ALL T_____T
my USB is plugged in.. i have my ict t do...... Y AM I NT DOING IT?
thers no one t chat with.... nothin t see in facebook... no comics t read... nt in th mood t watch anime....
SO Y WONT I START DOIN SMETHIN PRODUCTIVE? i mean, ill even accept if i wanna DRAW! i just need t get away from this effin procrastination.. i just need MOTIVATION!!
for God's sake im in yr12.. i cn do better than this.. if im like this now imagine wt ill be like in university next year..
*sigh*

ill just go sholat now... n i wanna go t nisa's house..

Kamus GA03LZZ

beware of bad words.

Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you.

1) Your name?
bs [cz i kno syania wont exist]

bull shit, duh

"dude, that's a bunch of b.s."

lol i am so ashamed of myself.

2) Age?
16
it has too many bad words so i wont post it.

3) Two of your friends?
Carisa:

Awesome, kick ass friend who is beautiful and loved to death by me, and to whom we all know you're jealous of.

"She's almost as awesome as Carisa."

obviously! :D bt im nt jealous of anyone. XD

Hamzah:

a cool guy. with style looks and a great personality!
confident about his sexuality.
and does reli give a f**k about what people say to him.
to him friends arent friends there family

sam "yo! you are such a Hamzah!!!"

omg tht is so true. bt nt th style luks part. XD HAHAHHA
OMG U SHUD ALSO SEE TH OTHER DEFINITION THEY HAD:

A Typically sad Pakistani man. Cheap, poor tries to act hard but cries evry night. Cant get a girlfriend or wife as he is so tight and sad. 'Hamzahs' are mostly pakistani gays. Jealous of white men and anyone with money, a brain or a life.
Or a sad and retarded bomber - such as Abu Hamzah.
Many people call Hamzahs "treds, sad Pakis or Alis"
"Yes, I've seen that idiot with no mates. What a Hamzah."

tht is so mean. o___O;;

4)What should you be doing?
sleeping

To masturbate furiously in your room while praying that your grandma doesn't come in.

"GET OUT GRANDMA! I was sleeping."
"Those were sleeping noises grandma."

ok tht ws sick. THEY APPROVE VULGAR ONES [well its calld urban dictionary]

5) Favourite colour?
blue

The hue of the portion of the visible spectrum lying between green and indigo, evoked in a human observer by radiant energy with wavelengths of approximately 420 to 490 nanometers.

"The sky is blue."

NOW THTS WT IM TALKIN ABT. 8D

6) Birthplace?
indonesia

a country consists of many islands, many races, many religions, many believes, and many languages

"it may not be enough two week to visit all interesting places in Indonesia"

wee my country gtu

7) Month of your Birthday?
june

1. The sixth month.
2. In Japan, an early publication featuring male/male stories in the tanbi style. People used to refer to the category of male/male relationships targeted at the female audience as June, but since that was a trade name for a magazine, that meaning of the term has fallen into disuse. The category has evolved and changed so much and the types of stories so varied that the entire category is now called BL by the industry and most fans. In some places, including Comiket, original stories are still called 'sousaku (original) June'.

1. My birthday is in June.
2. June is a thing of the past...

wtf is th 2nd one.

8) Last person you talked to?
my little sister

Girls who hang around a fraternity in hopes of finding a boyfriend/husband. Usually they find neither but end up geting f**ked by numeroius members of the fraternity.

"I hope this semester we get some new little sisters!"

LOL WTH

9) Nickname(of friend above)?
ochi [ocha dsnt exist]

A small child that some how always gets his or her revenge. They attack when cornered with a force that is un-natural for there body size.

"the ochi was corned in the room he then attacked us all and left us with brused shins."

HAHHA THT MATCHES SO WELL XDXDD KO BSA YA

10) Favourite Animal?
cat

The definitive pet.
Cleans self. Knows how to catch it's food.
Probably gave humans the idea for a "vaccum." Is intelligent and curious.
Likes to lay around alot, sort of like a couch potato. That's cool though.

They are usually quiet and know where to use the bathroom, unlike dogs.

LOL.

11) Last name?
tifani

Someone who loves to beat up/taunt emo kids.

"Would you leave the emo alone? Gosh, you're such a Tifani."

AHAHAHAHAHAA BT SMETIMES I AM EMO.. SO I BEAT MYSELF UP? XD

12) Name a person of the opposite sex?
umar [ther ws no fajar! tht sucks.]

1.an slang term for a person who cons your money,it originates from a lanky boy with a glass eye who used to steal peoples money.
2.also can be used as another word for backshot as on his holdays he did a girl up her arse.

1.oh no i've been umared :(
2.oooh yes i umared that girl last night, umar will be proud of me :).

EW TH 2ND ONE WS SICK.

OMG LUK A TH 2ND DEFINITION IT GAVE:

A Pimp Pakistani Playa with impeccable looks, sharp wits, and unbelievable physique...Also, one with a p**** of such size that it would make a black man cry "oh lordy." Can also box extremely well, and will make Asif cry in the Turkey Spectacular....

"I wish I was like Umar, since he is so handsome,smart,beautiful, and kicks my butt in everything from video games to math tests."

AAHAHAHA ITS MUCH MORE TRUE except th pen15 part cz idk.. *stares* N Y PAKISTANI

13) Last person that texted you?
farah

1. the act of seeming naive or innocent but doing a 180 in a split-second and slappin' dat white boi ass of yours anyway.
- Very similar to the usage of the term "jew him down!"

"She seemed nice, but when I made a pass at her, she went Farah on me!"

LOL WTH XD

14) Favourite Food?
kfc

The PeTA said that the main ingredient in KFC chicken is cruelty. Cruelty must taste goddamn good.

"I've never had better-tasting cruelty before."

wt a righteous statement *nt definition. PeTA is People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. XD

-

lol excuse th random ntry, i had nothin better t do n i found this from someone's facebook so yeaaaaaaaa, i dcided t do it. bsides, i ws itchin t post a blog ntry bt idk wt abt, bsides th fact tht i went on 2 major shopping sprees yesterday altho i ddnt buy anything tday, n yesterday i bot 1 pants n 2 sweaters. bt who needs t type an ntry abt THT? so yea.

p.s. type iwan in tht website n see th 2nd definition

Gay Wannabe

i wanna be gay.

i.e. happy.

yesterday we went t dukhan n it wsnt very gay at all. i had my moments of quietness n profound thinking n sitting down doin nothings at th household thts y. bforehand tho, me carisa n dhea got bored at th field so we went t th playground n tuk pics. u may observe FB. in th household we just ate n talkd n th other girls narcissed. i ws th only teen girl ther who never joined a single narcist pic.
nothin else t say abt tht day, xcept tht, i repeat, it wsnt very gay at all. so normal.

i stayed up with carisa n andin cz i hadta do my kaifa h/w. bt we ddnt even present it tday. oh well. i had my chirpy n crazy moments with matar tho n actually slept at 2.. i think. forgot. i exchanged words with adam in deviantart n it ws quite amusing n led him t adding me on msn too. at 11:30pm+ md suddenly burst in th house n i ws like WTH MD WT R U DOIN HERE bla3 surprised, shocked. its nice t have her here tho.

ugh tday i felt so emo. i ddnt want to, i tried t stop it, bt i just was. me n my family went t CC n BHS afta kaifa - in BHS we dd serious shopping. totalled up t more than 500QR. AWESOME. i bot 1 pants n 2 sweaters 8D pdhl niatny beli jaket tpi g ad. i opened ebuddy chat in CC n found an offline message from fajar n i got rele upset cz i ws at kaifa when he sent it, 9AM. i calld him stupid cz he shudve thot of tht fact bfore goin online.

at home i ws in total remorse n blankness cz of tht [ my chat with hamzah ddnt help either ]. i cudnt stop thinkin of it. he ws like 'bs?' n went all gibberish n then sed 'huee ure off' n bla. bt then at 6:30 he went online n i ws so panicked n nervous as t how t say things n stuff bt th convo flowed fine - until th last 10 minutes tht is. i cudnt tell him evrythin yet tho. id need an ntire day. he went into his pathetic mode which i rele hate n i went into support-bt-fail mode + grudge-cz-u-never-listen-t-me mode. th convo ended with me bein th sad one n he th sleepy one. even when we're thousands of miles apart we still argue over th same thing. my heart felt a lot of pain then bt i cudnt cry, cz my tears r kinda malfunctioned now, or i ran out of em. so i just felt deep pain. bt i chatted with afif n i pretty much feel better already. plus, i cnt stop wndering y th hell fajar wnts t call me syania now. o__O;; wt a weird boy.

Qatar National Day

To see more, observe my FB

Qatar is stupid for changing their national day t 18th december, yesterday. >__>;;
btw i wanna ask u guys smethin, shud i type in proper english in my blog or let it stay slang?

so anyway, on t th actual event. we reached th post office's parking lot at 5:30-6pm n evrybody gathered. i wore a denim jacket n realised i shudnt have cz its nt an efficient source of warmth.
we walkd t th corniche n i tuk loads of pics which caused me t get lost so i calld hamzah n found em on a patch of grass. ther wer a lot of ppl walking around o__O;; nobody i noticed tho. o yea umar lukd so fly n awesome n hot i wudnt have felt th cold weather.
i thot CC wud be with us bt they wernt T__T they wer on th other side near their home, too far t be with us )x dhe3 ws with them as well. neverthless i had fun with whoever ws ther anyway.
from 6 til 10 evrything ws so random, n FREEZING. we tuk a lot of photos n hung out on th empty road [lol empty roads r so epic 8D], children n toddlers destroyed flowers n ran around frequently n acted gay so many times, we talkd abt weird stuff n teased indra's sms n phone-age with ardinny, were amazed n warmed up bcuz of th glowy purple light, n lots more.
then we got bored n dcided t take a walk t th other side *sings hannah montana* -i hate th song btw.
i personally thot it ws an awesome walk. i ws with hamzah n we talkd a lot bt i forgot abt wt tho it dsnt matter. we stopped occasionally n at one of em indra lent me his jacket which ws red n rele big on me tht hamzah sed i lukd like a midget. it ws warm tho x] btw andin already appeared. she dhea n indra wer tgether all th time lolz.
we stopped for a long time in th oryx area cz we wnted t wait for abid or smethin o__O;; yea, it ws rele time cnsuming. we thot th fireworks wer at 9 bt turns out it ws at 10. how stupid n late is tht?! in tht area we fussed a lot abt hamzah's tie cz dhea ruined it. xDD;;
later on we cntinued walking bt nt so far - it ws rele rele crowded. we met up with abid n his friends including boii n me n hamzah started discussing very intently. they dcided t walk back n this time i rmember wt me n hamzah talkd abt. i havent talkd like tht with hamzah for a long long time.. it felt nice, cz we actually expressed our views n 'feelings' [?] insted of simply sayin random stuff like we do evry other time. so yea, bless those walks.
it ws then tht we settled at sme area nt far from BALHAMBAR, a restaurant. i sed tht its th arabic for BAH HUMBUG *gets shot*. i rmembered tht my mom told me t cme back t our original area for th fireworks so me fadhli n khalid went cz th others wudnt. i like those guys. i actually talkd with khalid as if we ever dd bfore [which we havent for 5 yrs]. he n fadhli r so humorous n iseng.
back at th area i watched these men with robot-lukin kangaroo shoes. they lukd so fun n awesome. i dcided t go back t th rest of th gang cz they wanna watch th fireworks ther. we waited a while n then at 10pm it finally started! i rushed t a random area n ddnt realise i wud end up with hamzah. indra n umar came t us after tho. it ws th 1st time i watched fireworks with a guy lol. XD *well if u include umar n indra, GUYS. it ddnt last more than 15 minutes i think. my cmera battery ws already dead x__x;; o ya alkhor ppl wer seen too.
my parents wer rele bawel abt goin home. so i rushed t th car. it ws past 10:30 n i dozed with music playing, smething ive never done bfore o___O;; when i woke up it ws playin maybe misery by quietdrive. i lukd at my watch n saw th time : 11:47. WTF WT A LONG CAR TRIP!!

ok so tht ws th joyous, optimistic section. if u dnt wanna read anythin sentimental, negative or sad, which is wt th next part cntains, then i suggest u stop now. :D

so. as much as th amount of fun i had during tht nite, i cudnt help bt t feel extremely bad n depressed in th car after thinkin abt wt happened. i felt like i ddnt deserve th happiness at all, when in fact th 18th december ws th first fun day ive ever had in this month [eid ws amusing bt nt exactly FUN fun]. i ws alone for half of it, rmember? evrybody went t different countries n had excellent times whilst i stayed at home bein bored. so y dd i think tht i shudnt have been happy?
th nswers lies in th past. i rmember it very well. it ws th 25th of October 2007, thursday. all of us wer in CC's house gathering n planning t walk t th corniche t watch fireworks [bt i dnt kno for wt]. ther ws only 1 person i cared abt tht wsnt in th household. tht person calld me t say we shud meet up later. soon we all walkd tgether t th corniche n i ws havin a blast. when we reached, th person calld me again n i ws upset t hear tht he ws in th sheraton area whilst we wer exactly across from them. he even brot food for us. so in th end we cudnt watch th fireworks tgether at all. we wer separated. bt back then, rite in those moments, i felt fine. we cud do this again next year, i thot freely. th next day, th 26th, he got mad at me bcuz he felt so alone n thus our 4th fight ws created. bt it wsnt even my fault, so he sed sorry later at nite n we got over it.
this year, when i heard we wer goin t th corniche t watch fireworks, i rmembered tht incident. it ws stuck in my head for th first 10 minutes of my car journey home. bt thruout th nite, i kept thinkin of th person who watched fireworks alone. this ws our last chance t make up for th unfortunate fate tht occured last year bt bcuz he wsnt in th country, th chance ws lost, missed. as i walked with hamzah i kept thinkin, 'wt if tht person ws here, rite now, walkin with me?'. as i watched th fireworks i kept thinkin, 'i wnder how he'd react t this weather, those amazing lights, all this craziness'. as i listened t music in th car, i kept thinkin 'y dus this have t happen now- t us?'
unless thers another fireworks show in 2009, im stuck with this horrible memory of never watchin fireworks - a special n memorable thing - with th person ive always wnted t watch them with since 2007. bt since another show is unlikely, i guess i cn say i will never be able t watch fireworks with fajar in my ntire life.

Nitrate Sugar & Gold

Beware, this is a very random ntry.

(19:36) Fadhli and nothi:hi bs
(19:37) Fadhli and nothi:i saw in the new something singh had died
(19:37) Fadhli and nothi:he sacrificed to protect ................
(19:37) Fadhli and nothi:in NSG
(19:37) Fadhli and nothi:national security guard
(19:38) Fadhli and nothi:in new dehili or somethin

then.. a convo between matars.

(19:40) × b i .es - :fadhli is so random
(19:40) × b i .es - :he distributed news to me
(19:41) . c a r i s a:lol what news
(19:42) × b i .es - :smethin abt an indian family being killd by [i meant in] th NSG. *whoops i meant person xD
(19:44) . c a r i s a:NSG..
(19:44) . c a r i s a:is that a fertiliser
(19:46) × b i .es - :NSG is national security guard.
(19:46) × b i .es - :HOW CN A FAMILY BE KILLD BY [i meant in] FERTILISER
(19:49) . c a r i s a:BWAHAH
(19:49) . c a r i s a:NATIONAL SECURITY
(19:49) . c a r i s a:
(19:49) . c a r i s a:how far off am i.
(19:49) × b i .es - :VERY FAR
(19:49) × b i .es - :FERTILISER N NATIONAL SECURITY GUARD HAS NO LINKAGE.
(19:50) . c a r i s a:wait then WHAT WS THE FERTILISER?
(19:50) × b i .es - :wt ws th fertiliser
(19:50) × b i .es - :THER IS NO FERTILISER
(19:51) . c a r i s a:I MEANT
(19:51) . c a r i s a:THERS A FERTILISER
(19:51) × b i .es - :thers many brands around th world.
(19:51) . c a r i s a:called TSG or NSG or sumthin
(19:51) × b i .es - :*THER IS
(19:51) × b i .es - :ITS NPK FERTILISER
(19:51) . c a r i s a:ISNT THER
(19:51) . c a r i s a:OH
(19:51) . c a r i s a:NPK
(19:51) × b i .es - :AHAHAHHAHAHA
(19:51) × b i .es - :WTH
(19:51) . c a r i s a:AHAHAHAHA
(19:51) × b i .es - :NPK VS. TSG N NSG
(19:51) × b i .es - :AHAHAHAA
(19:51) × b i .es - :ITS SO NT CLOSE MATAR
(19:51) . c a r i s a:I KNO
(19:51) . c a r i s a:H
(19:51) . c a r i s a:THIS IS HOW I FAIL AT BIO
(19:51) × b i .es - :N NPK ARE ELEMENTS
(19:52) . c a r i s a:yeah.
(19:52) . c a r i s a:the p is POTASSIUM.
(19:52) × b i .es - :national security guard gets mistaken for NPK fertiliser
(19:52) × b i .es - :no matar, K is potassium.
(19:52) × b i .es - :P is phosphorus.
(19:52) . c a r i s a:oh yeah.
(19:52) × b i .es - :LOOOOOOL
(19:52) . c a r i s a:AND N ISS
(19:52) × b i .es - :nitrogen.
(19:52) . c a r i s a:i ws abt to say nitrate.
(19:52) . c a r i s a:BWAHAH
(19:52) × b i .es - :HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
(19:52) × b i .es - :U FAIL
(19:52) . c a r i s a:EXACTLY
(19:52) . c a r i s a:HUEHUEU
(19:53) . c a r i s a:but hay
(19:53) × b i .es - :i feel like putting this convo in my blog.
(19:53) . c a r i s a:i relearnt a fertiliser today.

tht convo ws carried along amongst my Gundam 00 rants.
TEEEHEEE -claps for matar-

(22:24) . c a r i s a:YOURE MKING THAT MSG ENTRY RIGHT
(22:24) . c a r i s a:I MEAN NSG.
(22:25) × b i .es - :yes ill make it bt tmorrow
(22:26) . c a r i s a:nitrate sugar and gold
(22:30) × b i .es - :LOL @ NITRATE SUGAR N GOLD
(22:31) . c a r i s a:not to mention i aded umar at the end

UMAIR IS AN EMOTICON