Today I woke up by the sound of my ringtone 'cause Hamzah was calling me. It was 8AM and the twins were already awake since 6, diiiiiiie. I had hair problems and then ROed with Hamzah at first but then Umar joined [we Skyped when he was like why are we typing?]. Cania went online like at 11 or something and Carisa is now in the RO/Skype club (Y) We just played all day basically, well not all day 'cause somewhere at 3 or whenever we stopped ROing and just Skyped; me, Matar and the twins. My hearing is still bad by the way ToT At 5 everyone went and I got so bored. I actually don't remember what I've been doing since they've gone.
Change of topic, now
I just HAVE to spit this rant of mine out SOMEWHERE, I want to do so at Matar but she's out why do you have to be out right now? so I turn to my blog.
Alright so basically on Saturday, Fajar put in his PM something about a story ending with someone being happy over his sadness and I obviously knew it was for me but but but I didn't know what to do about it, then when I got home from playing outside he added waiting for you at the end of his PM and that's when I realised he wants me to start first but but but I didn't and I couldn't. I wasn't mentally prepared........... 'Cause like, all these 2 weeks since the 8th of June he never seemed to need me and like he never looks at me as if hoping for me to say something you know [although I'm supposed to know he does by the way] so I haven't the thought of saying something. But of course in those 2 weeks I always spent at least 10 minutes thinking about him everyday. You all know I miss him right?
Then yesterday, yesterday, he changed his PM again to something about how this time he won't start first but like after that one he put actually it ends so I was confused, am I supposed to start or not, what do you want? But again I couldn't type a message and press Enter. I wanted the timing to be perfect but now I realise I shouldn't care about that and just go for it 'cause chances don't always come like this. Although I already know I've lost 3. You know, I actually twitted these feelings if any of you read. Because of that stupid confusion of mine I wasn't brave enough to say anything again - I keep reminding myself it's just chat but chat can be more than what it seems, OK. T___T
Finally today his PM showed no signs of anything to do with me and it makes me wonder if he's quit waiting or anything. You know ever since we've been RO/Skyping on Saturday I've always had an inside wish that Fajar could join us. Just like today, when people were being idle I wanted to open up a chat with him and say hey let's play RO and Skype and I wouldn't have to be bored. Basically amongst the boredom and amusement I show to everyone I have sad feelings inside about something else. When Matar and the twins went out in the evening today I've had 4 hours up 'til now to make up with Fajar and play with him but instead all I've been doing was nothing [well except some TeenVogue.com browsing] but get upset I lost another day to spend my last week with my most special friend ever and it's all my fault and I'm continuously blaming myself even as I type this [and that explains some of the negative twits I've been twitting recently]. Why the hell can't I start already? What's there to be afraid about? I only have tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday and perhaps Friday to cherish the time I have left with him [and everyone of course; but CC are an extension (Y)]. I had all the time in the wooooooorld since Saturday. I had. But I just blew it........ I just wish he's been waiting for me a week before Saturday or maybe like a few days after he decided to 'stop thinking about me' instead of a week before he's going to Indonesia and we may never meet again 'til a long time. Why did he decide to need me back so late? That's probably one of the first few things I'll ask him when I'll finally get to communicate with him again... tomorrow. God, help us? Amin..............
Then yesterday, yesterday, he changed his PM again to something about how this time he won't start first but like after that one he put actually it ends so I was confused, am I supposed to start or not, what do you want? But again I couldn't type a message and press Enter. I wanted the timing to be perfect but now I realise I shouldn't care about that and just go for it 'cause chances don't always come like this. Although I already know I've lost 3. You know, I actually twitted these feelings if any of you read. Because of that stupid confusion of mine I wasn't brave enough to say anything again - I keep reminding myself it's just chat but chat can be more than what it seems, OK. T___T
Finally today his PM showed no signs of anything to do with me and it makes me wonder if he's quit waiting or anything. You know ever since we've been RO/Skyping on Saturday I've always had an inside wish that Fajar could join us. Just like today, when people were being idle I wanted to open up a chat with him and say hey let's play RO and Skype and I wouldn't have to be bored. Basically amongst the boredom and amusement I show to everyone I have sad feelings inside about something else. When Matar and the twins went out in the evening today I've had 4 hours up 'til now to make up with Fajar and play with him but instead all I've been doing was nothing [well except some TeenVogue.com browsing] but get upset I lost another day to spend my last week with my most special friend ever and it's all my fault and I'm continuously blaming myself even as I type this [and that explains some of the negative twits I've been twitting recently]. Why the hell can't I start already? What's there to be afraid about? I only have tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday and perhaps Friday to cherish the time I have left with him [and everyone of course; but CC are an extension (Y)]. I had all the time in the wooooooorld since Saturday. I had. But I just blew it........ I just wish he's been waiting for me a week before Saturday or maybe like a few days after he decided to 'stop thinking about me' instead of a week before he's going to Indonesia and we may never meet again 'til a long time. Why did he decide to need me back so late? That's probably one of the first few things I'll ask him when I'll finally get to communicate with him again... tomorrow. God, help us? Amin..............
I just wish it was since Saturday TT_____TT
p.s. He's still online and that makes me regret even more that I didn't start after Maghrib and after Isya like I kept muttering to myself. Weeh, jdi pngen nangis sndiri
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