Summer = Bummer

Bummer: an experience that is irritating or frustrating or disappointing; A truck with two low wheels and long pole for hauling logs.

The twins left yesterday for real. Me and Hamzah didn't have a proper goodbye at all. The last time we saw each other in Qatar was in front of my doorstep, where he gave me back my USB and I insisted him to take the green book home so Umar can write his bio in it but he refused 'cause he doesn't wanna bring it to the Musholla so he'll come back later to fetch it but he forgot to; and when he was supposed to come back later turns out he had to go to the tailor's suddenly and when he came back he had to pack up his laptop, before I knew it he was offline. The last time I saw Umar in Qatar was outside; he was walking to the Musholla and I looked at him but he didn't. Or did he?

I woke up at 10:30 I think and played RO, alone, I was looking for Abysmal Knight. Umar was already on but was idle mostly I guess. I got obsessed with the Friends Chain Reaction Game in FB for a bit 'cause it made cute noises plus I love getting High Scores.
In the afternoon Cania appeared and she and Umar both went Niffing and went to the Pyramids before I decided to catch up with them. He was so talkative you know, I bet because Cania was there. The convos we had were very funny though. We talked about ice cream, the pronunciation of 'vehicles', mangas, loads. I feel like pasting some a lot I find particularly amusing 'cause I have tons of RO logs and I won't be bothered to search through each one in the future when I read this entry. Oddly enough we didn't Skype .x.

For those who don't know, Sakurai Kito is me, Sakato is Umar, Aeiri is Cania and Katsuo Morogani is Hamzah (Y) Fajar, you should've stayed longer.

Best Friend is Ice Cream
Sakurai Kito : my best friend in RO is fajar D":
Sakurai Kito : i need piano keeeys
Sakato : i hav
Sakato : 2
Sakato : i thot u hate him
Sakurai Kito : it makes me wnder wt its for
Sakurai Kito : wt
Sakurai Kito : who sed i did
Sakato : u always fight snt u
Sakato : *dnt
Sakurai Kito : dsnt mean i hate him
Sakato : aah a romantic comedy fight rite
Sakurai Kito : in fact th reasons y we fight is due to el oh vee ee
Sakurai Kito : hmmh comedy, maybe not
Sakato : LHURVE]
Sakurai Kito : friendship love, ya
Aeiri : LOL WHUT AFTER I WENT TO GET ICE CREAM XD
Sakato : i luv
Sakato : ice cream
Aeiri : you luv.
Sakurai Kito : me too.
Aeiri : everyone does.
Sakurai Kito : U MAKE ME WANNA GET ICE CREAM
Sakurai Kito : -goes-
Sakato : take care of ur bodies girls-- just a message

Bathroom Fetish
Aeiri : well yu're going today right?
Sakato : toNIGHT
Aeiri : WHO CARES
Sakato : yes
Sakato : i wish th flight will be longer
Sakato : i like being in planes
Sakato : especially th bathroom
Aeiri : LOL ME TOO
Sakurai Kito : BATHROOM?
Sakurai Kito : UMAR U GAYS
Aeiri : though sometimes i feel i want wings.
Sakurai Kito : n i just realised u sed bodies insted of health
Aeiri : AHAHAHA BATHROOM
Sakurai Kito : PEEEEEERV
Sakato : hey wt
Sakato : th bathroom is nice n small
Sakurai Kito : i hate plane toilets is so small
Aeiri : yeah it is.
Sakato : wt perv
Sakurai Kito : no space to walk around
Aeiri : perv what?
Sakato : its nice
Sakurai Kito : sigh u guys dnt get it
Sakato : i feel i want to sleep in it

Vehicle [this one took ages to colourise]
Aeiri : you asked veekel
Sakurai Kito : huh?
Sakato : u sed th second one
Sakurai Kito : cania wt ice cream flavour u eatin
Sakato : which ws veehighkel
Sakurai Kito : i sed veehikel
Aeiri : no he asked 'veekel' instead of 'veeheekel'.
Sakurai Kito : o
Aeiri : then i said oh no
Sakato : thts th same pronounciation
Aeiri : i'm eating chocolate duh.
Sakato : rain
Aeiri : no it is NOT.
Sakato : veekle n veeheekle
Aeiri : ...
Sakato : so very very similar
Sakurai Kito : wts with th random rain
Aeiri : NO
Sakato : chocolate rain
Aeiri : it's not the same...
Aeiri : whut chocolate rain
Sakurai Kito : some stay dry n other feel th pain
Sakato : wt th...
Sakato : who says veeheekel
Aeiri : LOL THAT'S AWESOME
Sakurai Kito : i do
Aeiri : I SAY IT...
Sakato : its either veehighkel or veekel
Sakurai Kito : actually bo
Sakurai Kito : *no
Sakurai Kito : i sed VEEHIKEL
Sakurai Kito : th hi is very misheard
Sakurai Kito : i mean u cn hardly hear it
Aeiri : OH FINE I SAY VEEKEL
Sakato : is tht veehighkel
Sakurai Kito : LETS SKYPE OUR PRONUNCIATIONS
Aeiri : AHAHAHA
Aeiri : NO
Sakato : yes no
Aeiri : yes?
Aeiri : or no.
Sakato : no
Sakato : warp her woman
Aeiri : butyou said yes no.
Sakato : she needed niff
Aeiri : no way
Aeiri : she who
Sakurai Kito : WT?
Sakurai Kito : U GUYS SOUNDED SO STUPID

Penyets [Flats]
Sakurai Kito : im already imagining my future house *-*
Katsuo Morogani : LOOL
Aeiri : it's a gubuk with a straw roof
Sakurai Kito : itll have wooden floorrrrrrrrr
Sakurai Kito : SHUT UP U
Katsuo Morogani : wt makes u so sure ull get one
Aeiri : AHAHHAHAHA
Sakato : back
Katsuo Morogani : liek
Sakurai Kito : HAMZAH?!!??!?
Katsuo Morogani : wt if tis a FLAT
Sakurai Kito : go die
Sakurai Kito : ILL NEVER ACCEPT A FLAT
Katsuo Morogani : ZOMG FLAT
Sakurai Kito : i want round
Aeiri : but i live in a flat now...
Sakurai Kito : ok tht ws a rele lame joke
Katsuo Morogani : VERY LAME
Sakurai Kito : XD
Aeiri : you guys are mocking my home -cries-
Katsuo Morogani : round isnt even associated with flat
Sakurai Kito : yu uh
Aeiri : it is for us girls
Sakurai Kito : sorry cania i dislike flats
Sakurai Kito : OMG URE RITE
Aeiri : i like flats.
Sakurai Kito : me too.
Aeiri : HAAHHAHA
Sakurai Kito : i mean th girl kinda flat
Sakurai Kito : nt house flat
Aeiri : -changes topic-
Sakurai Kito : n btw gubuks r RELE UGLY

Caps Mar
Sakato : NOOOOOOOOOOOOO I DNT HAVE ENUFF ZENY
Sakurai Kito : discovery: umar caps when he has financial crisis

He caps at something else but I didn't save that log );

Well that's basically all of yesterday, ROing I mean. I chatted with Hamzah too as usual and at night when he suddenly had to go I was so surprised and we were caps locking and so dramatic. However at 11-ish they went online at the airport which was good news but Hamzah and I only got to chat 'til 12 and that wasn't long T-T

Today I made a mage called Aya Toshiro and trained with Cania's Swordsman for some time. It's so hard, you know. I'm still level 33 I think HARHAR. I got to chat with Farah and Nisa and yesterday Iwan too [only it ended quickly]. Dhea smsed me but I was hoping it was Fajar. I wonder if he'll remember my birthday this year, if he'll ever sms me [hope he hasn't been with Farah or else I'll kill him for not doing so with me -__-;], what he's been doing and if he misses me and especially what he thinks of the letter.

I was soooooooooo bored so I decided to read/waft through all my 135/136 blog entries just incase any of them needed any label updates which they did. It felt kinda weird reading about my life berturut-turut, it was like a book. At some points where there wasn't explicit detail about me and Fajar's continuous fights I would search through my chat logs or photos, even. It was funny [I don't mean humorous funny btw] seeing the order of the chain of events he and I encountered up 'til this point in both of our lives. Our friendship kept going on and off and on but there was always love, you know [and hatred, but that was only from me maybe]. There were so many memories in all those entries I totally forgot about so it felt great reading them again. I spent from 2 'til 9pm doing that you know @@; Well with breaks and stuff inbetween obviously. It makes me grateful that I own a blog. (Y)

Random excerpts I twitted:
Me: "Does anyone have any pants I can borrow?"
Umar: "Me" -puts on whoops face- ; that was from November 2008 0.0

When me and Dhe3 in Kempo laughed so hard 'cause of 'LET'S HAVE A BEACH PARTY. IN LONDON'.

Abah Rama.

The fake letter I typed to Fajar; 'Yeah, I'm always waiting for you. It's so uncool for me as a girl. You need to do the work next time.'

My commentary on exam papers; 'The paper looked friendly. They used happy fonts and the boxes were round and stuff :D Cute.'

'Abdominals - In pursuit of a perfect midsection.'

Nameless RO Chronicle [really forgot this happened]; Fajar: .Guardian Angel. | Me: Devil Protector | Carisa: Vigilant Being

Hamzah randomly opening a MSN chat saying 'help me label sex organs'

Walkathon; 'Once I wanted to say something to Hamzah but his pace was comparable to a dead lizard so I said 'Hamzah walk faster!' - that made me LOL

From a chat log; 'I care about your feelings. You just don't get it.'

So! Tomorrow is me and CC's big sleepover day :D There's loads of stuff we wanna do and I'm meant to make a list but let's just do stuff spontaneously, OK. We shall has fun, ya (Y) Oh and below is like my Colorado School of Mines [CSM] 2009-2010 Calendar. I don't know if I took the right dates though, hehe. As you can see I don't get that much holidays unlike MD and QIS which is unfair, stupid American University -__-; So you guys are lucky about that. But this might mean I won't visit as often as my older sister, you know. Maybe just once/twice a year? D: 'Tis sad. But I pray very hard to Allah when I do, I will make brilliant memories (Y) Amin. Thank God the Winter holidays are long - SO YOU GUYS BETTER STAY PUT THERE. Full view will hurt the eyes less.

Fajar, when I'll be living in the US, will you still read my blog?

The Greatest Gift is Friends, Like These

Hey everyone. Well basically Carisa, Cania and Hamzah [maybe Indira too?] 'cause they're the only ones in Qatar now and who are able to read my blog this early.

I'm gunna type about the boring that is Thursday 25th of June 2009.
Hamzah was pretty out of reach 'cause he was so busy doing secret things which I figured out what they were the next day. Me and Matar totally spammed mangas that day. I read Cherry Juice, Koko Ni Iru Yo!, Watashi Ni XX Shinasai and uhh... actually that's it but I take ages to read so yeah. I played Typing Maniac a lot too 'cause I was so dying of boredom. Dhea told me to print stuff for Iwan's photo album and I got really upset 'cause I'm leaving too you know. I didn't even get a Farewell Party, haaaah. Fajar was like online but he never changed his PM nor greeted so I thought he was out or busy or something. I kept panicking and getting moody over it. Oh all the minutes I spent thinking of him, wondering if he was back. I also got this red closet gift thing from Nisa but Fadhli delivered it. At night when I chatted with Arya [it was long woo] he told me Fajar's been packing and so was tired D; Yah, we didn't get to see each other or chat at all that day. I was sad. But then I was cheered up by Matar's Colonel Sanders twit thingy. Here's the reference. Before I went to bed which was at 1AM I opened the closet thingy's doors and was so surprised to see its contents. Totally unexpected. Thanks again you 3.

Then, Friday 26th of June 2009.

I was hoping something good can happen between me and Fajar today 'cause... it was our last day, really. But he didn't go online at all, even at 10:30 which was the time I woke up. DnF rang the bell and gave me an awesome purple shirt and Iwan's photo album which I worked on for an hour. I was wishing I got one too.

I played my old computer games this morning too. I finished my page at 3 and like I had to draw for DnF and Fajar who are leaving at night so I had no idea if I had time [which I didn't]. DnF and CC appeared at 3:15 saying Fajar is leaving soon and I thought I was gunna cry 'cause I was so, so shocked. Immediately I started sitting by myself in the dining room and then my room writing a letter for him. It hurts to write a goodbye letter you know. I cried right at the end of it when I wrote that I love him. Dramatic much? But really, none of you has tried that before haven't you? So it isn't.

Since the rest already went to Iwan's to give the album I arrived late only to hear that they AREN'T goin' at 3:15 but at night, although the timing was still a mystery. I was so relieved and decided to do another letter after spending 5 minutes inside Iwan's house. I did so whilst chatting with Hamzah. Plus I made the 2nd version of the letter a lot more lighthearted 'cause I know Fajar doesn't like me being sad. I was still wondering where on earth he was and what he was doing.

At around 5 I went to DnF's and discovered they played with Fajar for a bit after I left... I was gutted .__. Soon me and Cania met up with Hamzah outside 'cause DnF and Matar were doing shnit Idk what inside and just talked. Mostly in front of Fajar's house in hopes he'll hear us and come out. But he didn't. Hamzah went in his house and came out looking very suspicious at one point and he and Cania were doing secret talk with like red faces which obviously showed they were hiding something. Then Cania gave me this handmade white envelope which was from Hamzah only he didn't give it himself, YOU LAME. I didn't open it yet then.

After more random talks I showed them the closet thing and brought an Atlas outside too to show people the USA map. Then Matar or whoever wanted to see our Broadmoor Elementary School yearbooks so I fetched 'em. Me and CC and often Hamzah were majorly lolling at all the comments and photos. I kept wishing Fajar would appear, you know. He would've had fun with us. However Maghrib came and thenI saw the boy walking towards the Musholla; me and Cania waved and he waved back but he was doing an emo face and that got me confused and upset 'cause....... You know. We spent more time Yearbooking 'til after Maghrib and like wondered when Umar was coming home from the Dentist but he never did 'til 9 or something. I tried giving the letter to Fajar by going to his house but he was in the bathroom...

At home we watched Ouran Remix and Naruto openings which made us squeal and laugh and stuff, ah nostalgia. I opened the envelope from Hamzah and it turns out to be some sort of Love Note except in the friendship way. He said 'Know that we I'll always love you - as a friend of course :P' God it was so sweet and thoughtful and like in the afternoon I was pouting how I wanted him to tell me he loves me and there it waaas. I love you Hamzah~ There will be a picture of it, ok.

I got extremely worried about Fajar's letter so I smsed him and he said he was leaving after Isya [I tried giving it to him again before but we heard clanking and thought they were eating]. We had KFC for dinner but I was so not in the mood for it. At 8:20-ish we decided to go to Fajar's house and alhamdulillah dear God You give such miracles, we were right on time to see the car just leaving the garage and them standing on the steps. Imagine if we went out a minute later, I wouldn't have seen him... nor for maybe the last time hear him say thanks as I gave the envelope, nor for maybe the last time see him smile as he went in the car and took it from me. As the car drove past we waved goodbye and that boy just kept grinning. We started walking to DnF's after to say bye too but you know what, I suddenly cried really hard just like how I did all those days ago. I even made crying noises... sobbing, basically. CC were patting me and stuff, thanks guys. But it was so difficult to stop.

In front of DnF's I was still weeping so I said that I didn't want them to see me like this. CC were like come on Syania don't let Fajar see you cry so when their car passed by again I covered half of my face and waved one more time to that best friend of mine, who smiled so big and waved so eagerly. I totally didn't expect our last moment in Qatar together to be like that at all. I wish it was more like last year where he didn't let me sit down on DnF's couch until I told him that I'll miss him, and where he wanted to take me to the airport but his mom didn't let him. That would've been perfect. But he's 14 now, so he won't say any of that feelings stuff anymore. In the end we didn't get to see DnF 'cause I kept sniffing.

Back at home I was still upset but Hamzah's note made me look on the bright side. Then, Carisa presented me this green book which turns out to be like Iwan's only smaller and is not actually a photo album. I looked and read every single page and couldn't stop laughing at what people [especially Cania] said. Some of the stuff Fajar wrote touched me a lot but he's still an idiot for mentioning him. Jealousy is a part of love, you know. Haha, I love you Fajar you idiot. I was smsing that guy before and his replies were so neutral. It still makes me wonder if he'll miss me that much anyway. But, he wrote stuff in there that let me know I'm still his best friend, which could be the happiest thing that happened to me today relating to him. Anyhow, that book totally lifted my mood and I was no longer so sad. It was the best gift I ever got, ever. I thank every one who wrote in it. (:

After CC left I majorly chatted, with brbs of course since he was packing, with Hamzah who stayed up 'til midnight, amazing. At 11 or something I started playing RO with Umar much later on joined by Hamzah. We were looking for Angeling then Deviling then Ghostring lol. They were SUPPOSED to sleep at 1AM but that got changed to 12 sadly. I read the book one more time and am totally thankful to receive it even if it was rushed and not big and colourful and full of photos like Iwan's. Wew, it's 1:20AM right now. I hope to see the twins today, amin.

The paper with the heart on the left is that Love Note from Hamzah daww~

I quote what I said to Hamzah in MSN [in proper English];
'I have a gut feeling and a faith in God and a trust in my friends that even if I'm gone we'll still be tight' - amin
We will, right guys?

The Brilliant Wednesday

It was.

The video above pretty much explains what me and those people did before going bowling at 1pm; but there are some stuff I'd like to insert here that weren't recorded.

[ Random mention: I was just watching this and it made me smile ]

Anyway, we reached City Centre at 9 and every shop was closed, even the cinema gates were still down. We went downstairs to Carrefour where we met up with the twins, Khalid and Fadhli were watching Night at the Museum 2 as their Gold Merit Winner trip. At the Xtreme Food Court place me and Umzah were like waiting for the Magic Corn lady to prepare her stall but after an hour or so she still didn't finish, fak her man.

When I was at the Sweet Factory with the twins, Farah was in the bathroom and Dhea and Nisa separated from us to go elsewhere; Umar wanted cola bottle gummies but Hamzah said 'no it's too hard to chew'/'no it's too stiff/hard' or something. I was also intrigued by the jawbreakers. Their bag costed 20QR and mine 10, toeng.
Later when Farah got back we stood in front of Carrefour and randomly donated to the Red Crescent and the twins speculated a pad of Carrefour suggestions/complaints papers. Hamzah wrote 'Joe Bloggs' on the name line and then I continued but right when I was writing the complaint which was 'You don't have enough cereal (:' everyone started giving signals and Farah and Umar ran away, I turned around to find a freakin' Carrefour manager-looking Arab staff behind me saying 'Are you writing a complaint or just playing around?' in a light intimidating voice and I was like 'uhh I'm writing a complaint' and then he left and I was shit scared but Hamzah was next to me throughout the creepy experience [you're the best, really] and he suggested stuff for me to write down, wew. I finished by the time scaredy-cats Umar and Farah came back [I forgot if they said anything, did they Hamzah?], they laughed at me I believe and I ripped the papers and stuffed 'em in the box. Then we quickly scurried off before we got into more trouble.
After loitering by the escalator we went downstairs to finally buy Magic Corn, Hamzah bought BBQ which didn't taste good and Umar and I bought Chilli (Y). The latter twin's lid fell to the ground and he picked it up and threw it *-* but when Hamzah's fell he ignored [later when we visited that place again I was like 'Hamzah's lid is still there!' and his older twin brother put it in the bin again u__u].
In Hallmark we kept observing cards which some emitted Disney music such as HSM, Hannah Montana and Cars. Once when I was in the aisle with Hamzah and Farah was somewhere else, I heard toy music blaring from a different part of the store and I saw Umar running to our aisle with a really really pink face laughing perhaps in embarassment, apparently that was his doing. He immediately got out of the store after that xD
Nothing happened in the museum which we went to at 12 [so 3 hours of spending time in a deserted mall] that is worthy of noting, really, besides that me and Hamzah wanna go there again 'cause we're ga puas D; Oh and it's so spacious and pretty and totally worth having a photoshoot in.
And bowling, well, we just bowled. I was surprised I'm on the same level if not better than an athetlic dude like Umar. And Hamzah was good too. And Nisa. How I underestimated them. Oh and I said hello to Fajar in the beginning and hit his shoulder in a friend way but he just stuck his hand out like the huzza mata greeting and I got disappointed and throughout the 2 hours we did not communicate. I felt pretty sad watching him joke around with the others. But I had a guten tag time. At 3 we Sekompond people ex. Iwan Fajar had to go home though. );

In the household I shut myself in MD's room and died of boredom [where's my RO mates?] but thankfully I watched today's videos and compiled them to what you see up there ^ so that entertained me a bit. Plus I played Typing Maniac and a bit of JamLegend. I thought me and Fajar were over with, that he gave up, 'cause his PMs were to do with RO but somewhere at night he greeted and we chatted although I forgot to mention we already did this morning but only for 30 minutes which wasn't enough. It was the usual Bs/Fajar baru baikan style of chat aka lots and lots of fighting but unlike normal I started crying again spontaneously when I remembered he and I only have 2 days left to make the most of it and his replies were so careless it makes me wonder if he'll miss me at all, sigh. But thanks to him I had company tonight, even if it wasn't the happiest company I've had since......... -shrugs- I just want us to be normal again, and by normal I mean no stupid fight talks. Can 2 days make it work?

The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Two Muslims will not meet and shake hands without having their sins forgiven (by Allah ) before they depart.
Somehow, that relates to us doesn't it

Dear Fajar, this was us last year on the 24th of June, both wearing that wristband I randomly gave you one day, best friends; best friends, yes. You remember, right?

A Happily Miserable Day at CC

Umar did a peace sign after this picture, har

Hi guys. I reckon I should blog about today but since pictures can describe the series of events I'll just simply say we went to QBC first before going to the Museum which turns out to be closed on Tuesdays gah stupid. I'll also say that me and Fajar both wore white kemejas and black pants and that we were holding orange die [dice plural] at the end of the day. Another thing I'll mention is that after the Isynas went home me, CC and Fajar went bowling from 3 'til 4:15. Before that you don't know how much I struggled to try and talk to Fajar. I wanted to in Xtreme but he was so busy with Umar, I wanted to when we were at bowling sitting next to each other [the chance was so open], I wanted to when we were walking to the Musholla, but I couldn't spit out a simple Hello, Fajar because I'm like that. It makes me wonder how he does it so easily before countless of times. When we met up with mothers and Iwan, Bella and Andin at this coffee cafe place that was the point where I felt really tired and moody 'cause I decided to listen to sad songs and rest my head on the table and have my dice from Umar [in RO when I got home he asked 'dd u get another doll hha'] next to my face. Then like, I started to cry real bad. Like for 15 minutes or more even. I'm sorry Matar that's why I had to refuse your nudging .__. I don't know if anybody noticed 'cause when I stood up to leave I turned my face away from everyone but I had to sniff so I'm sure people knew. Matar patted me and as me, Iwan, Fajar and Tante Siwi walked to the car Iwan whispered to me 'You're a big girl now don't cry' but I couldn't stop, the tears just kept flowing. And you know what, I kept crying onto the dice. If that dice wasn't there who knows what I could cover my sobbing face with besides my hands or sleeves. I'm sorry dice. In the car I continued my sob-fest and I was so embarassed but I thought that crying would help me release all the pain I've been feeling since yesterday plus I was hardly able to stop. I didn't tell you guys that last night I cried myself to sleep did I? And I actually did sobbing noises. I was on my bed weeping for ages .__.; Anyway that's when I sorta had the thought that maybe all this time I've had trouble misery-crying 'cause the tears were preparing for this recent cengengness. I just cried whilst listening to Iwan and Fajar talk and sometimes chuckle. It made me think if Fajar was sad at all for me. It made me think twice 'cause when I got home he put PMs about me which showed he still thinks about me but then he went ahh whatever again. I had no niat to start a conversation yet 'cause I was still full of sorrow... Then at night Nisa and Dhea invited me to have a somewhat photo session specially for me and Iwan 'cause we're leaving and all; that's when I FINALLY decided to open a chat after 4 days but he didn't reply so I left. Outside however we didn't talk at all. There was me, Nisa, DnF, Iwan, Fajar and the twins appeared when we were gathering in front of Nisa's house talking. Dhea was telling stupid stories (Y) We decided to go inside after the Ulumuddin parents went to antar the Ismail family but we just watched TV and NisaZah played piano. Me, Nisa and Farah also played cards for a while and then I tried to make a pyramid out of them but kept failing and stressed. The other boys were inside Fadhli's room doing RO and guitar stuff. By the way when Nisa played River Flows in You I started crying again but for a minute or so. T'was because the melody is so melancholic so I started thinking about the past again. I went home at 10-ish and tolerated with Facebook's gay photo uploader.

You know, Fajar never seems to look interested in talking to me. He tells me though what I see from his expressions isn't necessarily what I should believe in 'cause the inside could have different feelings but it makes me hold back to my intentions anyway. That's why I'm always surprised when he writes PMs about me. 'Cause he never ever ever looks like he remembers who I should still be to him [a best friend]. I'm the only real best friend you ever have Fajar. I'm sure the reason why we're having these complications is because our story is supposed to go on. In fact I never thought it ended anyway. Not with me still needing you back, I mean.

I know you read my blog and I know you're glad none of this is your fault but mine, but do you really enjoy seeing me cry and this miserable?

Dear God, today wasn't how I wanted very much but thank you for giving me courage to finally start at least somewhere. If me and Fajar being friends again tomorrow is what You will, please make it happen... Amin

The 3 gays that made today the awesomest;
plus like someone else but I think I don't need to mention that one.

From Start to End

Today I woke up by the sound of my ringtone 'cause Hamzah was calling me. It was 8AM and the twins were already awake since 6, diiiiiiie. I had hair problems and then ROed with Hamzah at first but then Umar joined [we Skyped when he was like why are we typing?]. Cania went online like at 11 or something and Carisa is now in the RO/Skype club (Y) We just played all day basically, well not all day 'cause somewhere at 3 or whenever we stopped ROing and just Skyped; me, Matar and the twins. My hearing is still bad by the way ToT At 5 everyone went and I got so bored. I actually don't remember what I've been doing since they've gone.

Change of topic, now

I just HAVE to spit this rant of mine out SOMEWHERE, I want to do so at Matar but she's out why do you have to be out right now? so I turn to my blog.

Alright so basically on Saturday, Fajar put in his PM something about a story ending with someone being happy over his sadness and I obviously knew it was for me but but but I didn't know what to do about it, then when I got home from playing outside he added waiting for you at the end of his PM and that's when I realised he wants me to start first but but but I didn't and I couldn't. I wasn't mentally prepared........... 'Cause like, all these 2 weeks since the 8th of June he never seemed to need me and like he never looks at me as if hoping for me to say something you know [although I'm supposed to know he does by the way] so I haven't the thought of saying something. But of course in those 2 weeks I always spent at least 10 minutes thinking about him everyday. You all know I miss him right?
Then yesterday, yesterday, he changed his PM again to something about how this time he won't start first but like after that one he put actually it ends so I was confused, am I supposed to start or not, what do you want? But again I couldn't type a message and press Enter. I wanted the timing to be perfect but now I realise I shouldn't care about that and just go for it 'cause chances don't always come like this. Although I already know I've lost 3. You know, I actually twitted these feelings if any of you read. Because of that stupid confusion of mine I wasn't brave enough to say anything again - I keep reminding myself it's just chat but chat can be more than what it seems, OK. T___T
Finally today his PM showed no signs of anything to do with me and it makes me wonder if he's quit waiting or anything. You know ever since we've been RO/Skyping on Saturday I've always had an inside wish that Fajar could join us. Just like today, when people were being idle I wanted to open up a chat with him and say hey let's play RO and Skype and I wouldn't have to be bored. Basically amongst the boredom and amusement I show to everyone I have sad feelings inside about something else. When Matar and the twins went out in the evening today I've had 4 hours up 'til now to make up with Fajar and play with him but instead all I've been doing was nothing [well except some TeenVogue.com browsing] but get upset I lost another day to spend my last week with my most special friend ever and it's all my fault and I'm continuously blaming myself even as I type this [and that explains some of the negative twits I've been twitting recently]. Why the hell can't I start already? What's there to be afraid about? I only have tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday and perhaps Friday to cherish the time I have left with him [and everyone of course; but CC are an extension (Y)]. I had all the time in the wooooooorld since Saturday. I had. But I just blew it........ I just wish he's been waiting for me a week before Saturday or maybe like a few days after he decided to 'stop thinking about me' instead of a week before he's going to Indonesia and we may never meet again 'til a long time. Why did he decide to need me back so late? That's probably one of the first few things I'll ask him when I'll finally get to communicate with him again... tomorrow. God, help us? Amin..............

I just wish it was since Saturday TT_____TT

p.s. He's still online and that makes me regret even more that I didn't start after Maghrib and after Isya like I kept muttering to myself. Weeh, jdi pngen nangis sndiri

RO/Skype (Y)

Friday 19th June

It was really boring and lonely, I watched Soul Eater in the morning and Niffed with Cania and Umar but then got in a bad mood I think in the evening and so was really lazy to go to the Unocal meeting at Dhe3's house but I went anyway. In that place we ate delicious food compromising of bakso, macaroni scuttle and pudding and basically fangirled, watched videos and then at the end Matar talked about HSM fanfics which made us both and MD crying [literally] with so much laughter 'cause I laughed at the HSM fanfic idea plus when Matar said the real people's names 'Lucas' I went 'Who's Lucas? Ryan?' then when she said them as the character's name 'Chad' I went like 'Who's Chad?' IT WAS SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY SRSLY!! I had uber fun, thank God. However MD's leaving to Indonesia so I had to go home early, I didn't get to anter her 'cause Ocha was already asleep. By the way in the car I suddenly started reminiscing and as usual Fajar dominated most of the time so I nearly cried.

Saturday 20th June

In the morning I played RO with Umar but he was watching The Guild also so I ended up watching it too and in the afternoon I played with him again but stopped after a bit. Afterwards Hamzah told me of Umar's brilliant idea which was to have a Skype conference while playing RO which was obviously inspiration from The Guild. Me and the twins tried it first and it was SO COOL and practical and great 'cause I get to hear their voices; Cania joined us after a while, however at about 4 Cania and Hamzah went so it was just me and Umar but it was mostly silence although we said stuff to each other sometimes. When it was his turn to have music lessons me and Hamzah had a 1-on-1 voice call and talked about stuff, apparently at 5:30 Cania and Farah invited us to play outside and we we were both stuck whether to go or play RO and I heard in the background Umar going you playing RO? and Hamzah saying yea kinda but we decided to play outside and then the latter was like Nvm we're going out or something. Outside the Isynas 'cept Khalid and I were like not playing tennis with the rest of 'em so we just stood there lol. But then we played cards (Y) At home I forgot what I did.

Sunday 21st June
I amazingly woke up at 6AM and immediately blogged and waited for people to come online and the twins did so at near to 9, we started RO/Skyping [Cania appeared too] from then 'til like 1pm whoa, it was a lot of fun. Sadly we're unable to like save the convos, it would be nice if they had that function ): Then from 1pm 'til like 5 me and Hamzah chatted massively in Skype [we're weird] and talked about chicken and how we chat in 4 different places including that wonderful program; it was a loud and funny convo and I named us Psychotic Hungry Boredists 'cause we were so bored. And hungry [well we always are]. I forgot if I was ROing or not. Well anyway at 5 we went outside to play 'cause we were bored and when I stepped out the house I saw Umar cornering against the fence between the pool and tennis court inspecting something on the groundlolwut. Nisa showed me her superhero art homework which was wickedly cool and I touched it accidentally and when we collided into Hamzah at the alleyway he/Nisa were like why is your krudung green and turns out it was from Nisa's drawing noo~ We all mingled in front of the Ulumuddin household, Fajar was nowhere to be seen but Farah arrived later on. Umar, Salmaniye and Khalid were playing cards, Fadhli was being iseng with his watergun and the rest of us were just talking. Nisa then brought her laptop outside which was when everyone huddled to speculate a video of Super Junior dancing to a segment of Tunak Tunak Tun and that was hilarious, God. I forgot how but we then began searching for old Spanish dramas openings like from Rosalinda Amigos, bla3. It was amusing (Y) At night us girls went swimming but mostly played around and talked and the water was colder than I thought,. The floor was covered in sewage which stank and Dhea accidentally slipped on it LOL. when I got home I discovered my hearing got damaged like what usually happens when I'm in water but it was really bad. Everyone was offline so I decided to blog, I think.

The Up Farewell

Nice picture but sadly dark D: Stolen from Hamzah

Today was a very good day (Y) Well in the morning I was forced to watch the Year 5 & 6 Graduation. At first I sat with Hikmah but then I saw Indira alone so I went over to her and thankfully it wasn't boring anymore 'cause we commented on the teacher's somehow staged speeches and students. It was like 12 when that was done so we could finally go to CC, meet up with the others and watch Up. But I invited Indira and she wasn't allowed to leave school 'til normal times so we waited for her 'til 12:45. I ate yet another turkey sandwich which tasted nearly as good as the Intercon's and sat down. At like 12:15 or whatever the Isynas appeared and I talked with Hamzah occassionally. When they walked outside to go home I'm like 85% sure Umar turned his head around to the right and looked at my direction

Finally Indira came and we were able to go~ It was a girl's afternoon out so it seemed but a random Abid was present and he actually wanted to watch Up too xD Since the others already ate, me, Indira, Ocha, MD, Dhea and the only dude went to eat. Abid kept taking our food without permission and they mocked me for ordering Kids' Meal but that's because I didn't wanna eat 6 pieces of nuggets -__-; Finally it was time to watch the movie. I sat inbetween Ocha and Carisa with NO SNACKS but that's because I was too shy to get Magic Corn 'cause coincidentally Fathy, Jozali, Majd and Abdellah was it? was standing right in front of the stand lol. Up is such an epic movie. The entire population of the Earth should watch it. I kept laughing and laughing and each time I did I always cried 'cause I did so too hard. However the beginning is really sad T-T After that people started going home soooooo us kompond girls just had a walk around the mall. That's when I felt pretty... how do you say it, lonely? I will not specify the reason.

We took a taxi to go home which was at 5; today's the day of Iwan's Farewell Party so I checked out the clubhouse to find loads of giant boxes of Yellowcab pizza and I was creating a flood of drool. The party started after Maghrib but before that I went to Nisa's house where some girls were cooking and the others playing musical instruments, I wish I have musical ability too TT____TT I went home to pray and later on visited the clubhouse, sat with Andin who felt alone like me too and saw the dudes BBQing outside. The food on the table was admirable but I definitely did not wanna eat KFC 'cause I've had that too much already. I noticed Umar was only wearing the bracelet I gave him today unlike usual where he also wears his red one and I felt pretty happy harhahrahr. I also thought Fajar was really good-looking......... Well it's not like he isn't but today was like, exceptionally. Sad we didn't talk.

I decided to go outside and help with the BBQing when CC finally came w00t~ They reminded me of yearbook signing so I went off to fetch mine also. Year 11 boys were swimming until suddenly Fajar and Umar [no longer with the bracelet] appeared with their towels and I was like O______O but only Fajar jumped in, Umar sat on the deck chair like across the pool from me as I was signing the Space Sisters' yearbooks. He was probably embarassed HAHAHA.It was then time to eat and I chose Sate Ayam with soy sauce which I don't usually combine together 'cause I eat with the bumbu/sauce thingy you see. I ate whilst watching the boys who transferred themselves to football. I made Matar sign my yearbook first then Hamzah then Cania then so on and so on. When I went over to Khalid to ask him to sign out of the corner of my eye I saw a certain person look at my direction and Indira clarified when she outbursted the same event. I was already too full to eat anything else such as cupcakes and fries sadly D; In front of the side clubhouse door I read Matar's touching message, Cania's funny message and Hamzah's sad message which as you wished, didn't make me cry... Yet.

From then on we did random thingies; after Isya we all huddled in front of the clubhouse. People started playing cards and others talked and ate and bla3 I can't remember in chronological order. But like, when the cards people were announcing they need another player I wanted to join but Matar took that spot ); So she, Cania, Umar and Fajar played cards [later on joined by other people] and I never got to... I only watched in the distance with perhaps maybe a little bit or not a lot, of envy.

But that's also when me and Hamzah started having the longest one-on-one conversation ever. We were kinda outcasted but it brought us together to talk about many things which I already forgot what about but that was probably the highlight of that party for me. It was special and cherishable (Y) If he wasn't with me then I would've died of boredom. Infact I talked so much my throat started getting sore and I had to drink a lot, I was always standing up and shuffling our positions so parents couldn't see us from the door and window. At one point a thought struck me and I said something like 'When I'm gone we won't have these kind of talks anymore' and I was on the verge of tears you know. But I threw that aside and continued conversing anyway. It ended when we had to go home, really, which was at what, 10:30?

On the inside I wished I played cards too but a long talk with Hamzah was equally as fun. When the Year 11 dudes were being stupid, Carisa and Fajar were taking pictures of them and I got to see them fall back in laughter together and right at that point I started missing him again, that fun friend of mine. After the Isynas got home the rest of us listened to Kareem babble racism stuff which was sorta funny I guess. I got kind of tired so I walked home but at the intersection in front of my house I looked to my left and found Umar walking towards me and I turned my head back front and regretted leaving but, I had to. At 12 or so I was damn curious why MD wasn't home yet so I checked the clubhouse only to find them playing cards inside, they invited me of course but I rejected and went back. I played my laptop 'til 1AM which was when I discovered the others were already home. I looked at my Autographs pages again before going to sleep and thought about how Fajar last year wrote 'thanks for being my friend'.

I appreciated the awesome day, God, and thanks Hamzah

We're Bored Because Amusement Hates Us

Monday 15th June

Today was like the boringest day ever. All I did was twit and watch Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging and watch Star King episode 27 which was pretty cool.

Tuesday 16th June

I had to go to the Dentist in the morning, she cleaned my teeth again and I believe put Hydrogen Peroxide on 'em o___O;; Then I bought McDonalds KKEHEHKHEKE and waited for Mom and MD for ages next to an escalator... I also heard that Swine Flu has arrived in Qatar, that freaked me out. Since people were still having their exams nobody could play with me and all so I had a Soul Eater Marathon. I watched like 9 episodes in total 8)

That's Death the Kid the character I like most, not just because he's cool but because I find him very amusing.

At night I got kinda disappointed at Umar a bit for his Swine Flu being epic remark but in the end he managed to make me type HAHAHA which I haven't done in hours. I downloaded this Prototype game which is 7+GB and Rated 18+. Then I browsed my wonderful Chinese Donghae Forum and after doing band stuff I went to sleep.

Wednesday 17th June

aka THE DAY I GRADUATEEEEEEEED~ It's nothing to be happy about really. But it's something to be proud of =P
In the morning I tried to play Prototype but I had no idea how so I downloaded another version but the same problem occured. Since I was bored I decided to open RO and do excessive exploring. I ditched Grad Rehearsals too (Y) Sometimes I chatted with Umar but like, he said something that made me upset so I went all moody. Then Matar introduced me to JamLegend and I had loads of fun with that. Finally at 6 me and my family went to the Intercon~

When I reached it was Maghrib already so I was like stressing to find a place to pray but eventually I asked Dad and dragged Icha with me~ That was like the only problem I had, besides discovering that Kearns changed the stupid line order. I was apparently walking next to Marc. The hall was quite big and there were spare seats! Plus nobody cared about the invitations. CC could've come ToT There were obviously technical difficulties [QIS is a jinx] but after that we got to speculate Majd's video which was funny. The Year 13s' didn't work.
It was then time to walk, I was so nervous of screwing up and I kinda did although it wasn't my fault 'cause I was told to walk with Marc but when it was our turn some other girl suddenly barged and 'took' Marc away and I was like what? what? but thankfully Mahjabeen behind me stepped back and Akkad walked forward and we both ended up stepping across the aisle together woo~
When we got on the stage all we did was sit down and listen to like 3 speeches [Majd's was funny and I had a bit of difficulty understanding Hana Shiraz's accent] and people calling out Award winners. Kearns pronounced my name wrong and as I walked past the dudes I could hear some Mohameds whisper the correct proNUNciation, hehe. It's OK though. The certificate looks pretty nice but with typical Caddick calligraphy. Finally at 8:45 the ceremony was over and I was one of the girls who threw their hats in the air. Then we went off to take pictures and eat. The turkey sandwiches I ate were so yummy *-* Saba and Iman came, Shaza left too early and basically I talked with Lara and Madusa. Oh yes I got to speak with Parry too. That's all really.
Back at home it was already 10 or something but I was too busy playing JamLegend 'til Midnight and apparently Matar and Umar were too.

Haven't chatted with Matar nor Hamzah properly this week D;

Year 12s' Day Out

Another entry? Yes, sorry.

I had like the saddest dream ever. All of us were gathered somewhere, in front of me was this large door or something with lots of decorations. Apparently I entered the dream at its climax, because I could already hear myself talking to Fajar sadly. Turns out that the door thing was his birthday present from last year. Since we're not talking right now I wanted him to accept this year's present, which was a better version of the door. But, Fajar didn't wanna accept it - I actually never heard his voice in the dream but he was speaking - and I started doing my rants. I was saying things like Fajar we've been close ever since we met, I was the only friend you ever needed, I'm leaving this year so why can't you accept this? Do you really want to end our friendship? you get the point. Towards the end I started crying really bad, I could've sworn I was crying in real life [but when I woke up I wasn't, prolly dried up already...]. I sobbed so hard I was incapable of continuing @__@; Then, my face buried in my hands still weeping, Fajar started hugging me but nevertheless after a while walked away with the rest; the present was still rejected T__T I turned around to find myself in Masjidil Haram, but in a different layout. It was so weird. Cania passed by and I wanted to talk to her about something but she snapped and it seems that she didn't wanna be my friend anymore 0.0 I then went to pray on top of a random hill and when I got in the hotel the scene immediately changed to some make-up place... Stupidly enough I was a candidate for some Top Model show. What a way to end a horrible, horrible dream...

I woke up and had Jelly and Chocolate Crepe for breakfast and did lame stuff 'til 12-ish where I had to go to school for Graduation Rehearsals. The yearbook was out it seemed but the cover sucks like hell and I regret not drawing one. I talked with Lara and Madusa before entering the hall at 1:30. It ended at 3pm, all we did was get ourselves sorted and practise the walk and how to receive a damn certificate. The aisle-walking song is 6 minutes and 11 seconds gleeek wth @___@; The steps take ages. It was very nice seeing everyone though. (Y)

So, after that we spent some time looking for Madusa's phone which we ended up concluding as lost [by the way I flipped through the yearbook and found the twins' class picture amusing] and got in a fancy taxi which costed like 32QR just to go to CC. RIP OFFFFFF. Just because the car is nice and not Karwa, bleh. When we reached we met up with Iman and Rodha and since my stomach was playing death metal I had to buy KFC Crispy Strips Light Meal and eat. The movie was starting soon so I bought like a large cup of Magic Corn for snackage. Such a gluttonous skinny person I am.

We were watching The Uninvited, apparently. I wanted to watch The Last House on the Left but this one was really good in my opinion. I thought the story was very smart and ironic, like, twisted you know. I recommend you watch. It's not that scary but it may surprise you. Because the music was always so creepy I kept thinking something major frightening will appear so I was always huddling next to Shaza on the HUGE chair [we sat right at the back] which I don't think any of you has seen before and continously covered an eye of mine with my fingers. But, nothing scary really happened. Well it WAS scary but not like usual horror movies. Damn why am I typing about such a thing at 11pm...

Aaaaaanyway, to more pleasant thoughts, we had a walk around the mall for a bit. We're weird so we ended up at the bookstore and spent like 10 minutes there before moving on to the uber goth and manly store with a circle door which Madusa really hates 'cause they're so ugly. Then at the Xtreme Food Court place I was tempted to buy Happy Ice Cream. Turns out Lara has never seen such a creation before and was thoroughly intrigued at her mixed flavoured concoction. OH AND YOU KNOW, she never ate Magic Corn too and she loved it when she bought some. Basically I introduced her to new mall food LOL. She was thankful you know.

Iman had to go home already so it was just us. They dragged me over to Applebee's where I wasn't in the mood to eat but the Mushroom Soup Shaza ordered SMELLED SO GOOD [I totally disturbed her] so I decided to order it before running off to Sholat Maghrib. When I came back the beautiful bowl was already there and at the first sip I was already in love. PURE DELICIOUSNESS. I recommend you guys to try it, seriously. I don't regret not buying it (Y) When I was done Rodha told the people to sing happy birthday to Shaza and they brought ICE CREAM AND CHOCOLATE CAKE but I couldn't eat them, of course not. The girl was so embarassed, 'cause face it the song the staff sang did sound pretty stupid.

There's mushrooms in there, they just sank XD

It was like 7:30 already. I had to go home so I walked all the way to the center of the mall. I found Jozali, Osama Sherif and Khalid Selim waiting for a ride beside me and when they passed the Head Boy smiled and said Hi Syania and the latter 2 greeted me too xD In the car my parents pointed out like 3 policemen writing tickets to vehicles parked in the wrong area LOL. It was funny 'cause they were like kinda huddling ish. At home I did... stuff... I couldn't eat another bite of food.

If you didn't realise, the words I coloured blue symbolise all the food I ate today
which was basically junk

Memories Will Not Grow Back

TITLE WILL BE EXPLAINED LATER

So, another boring day, except at night. Basically I watched like 4 or 5 Soul Eater episodes 'til I got tired which was at around 3 or 4 or something. When Maghrib arose, me and Matar were having difficulties of whether or not to join that dinner in Movenpick [all sorted in Twitter and then MSN] 'cause Tante Cathy believed only ITB kids were allowed although that rule never existed. So in the end both of us didn't go. Instead we planned to play RO so I turned on that game and apparently Umar was online; we had a chat that lasted from after Maghrib 'til Isya [although with silences inbetween as usual].

Sakurai Kito : umar umarauraruamruamraurma
Sakato : bsbsbsbsbssb
Sakato : yes?
Sakurai Kito : r u going to th aparment promotion?
Sakato : wts tht
Sakurai Kito : th dinner thingy ur family is going to
Sakurai Kito : promotion for el medina residences (Y)
Sakato : o rite
Sakato : no
Sakato : no im not
Sakurai Kito : oook
Sakato : too bad huh =p
Sakurai Kito : uhh.. y?
Sakurai Kito : o__O
Sakato : hha just messin
Sakato : so ur nt coming
Sakurai Kito : isnt messing fun?
Sakurai Kito : no im nt coming cuz im afraid ill be bored
Sakato : bt..?
Sakurai Kito : i already stated th reason.
Sakurai Kito : pluuus ...... carisa isnt comin
Sakato : ur staying home?
Sakurai Kito : yes i am, isnt tht great news for u?
Sakato : i dunno
Sakato : is it?
Sakurai Kito : luk beyond wt u see
Sakato : is om ali coming?
Sakurai Kito : ohh , u askin om ali or dhea/farah here? ;)
Sakato : uh oh uh wink wink nudge nudge
Sakato : checking if th parents r going or nt

Our names are so similar it's confusing to read @__@

It was in that convo I discovered that people were gathered at DnF's 'place' about to watch a movie so we both decided to go after Isya, which we did, only I arrived sooner. There was MD, DnF, Fajar, Iwan and Abid. We had to migrate to Yuzie's 'cause the film wouldn't work on Dhea's laptop or was it because the screen's too small? In there, the girls raided Fajar's room and I went in a little bit and that orange-lit place was so tidy and nice. From afar I could see the wristband I gave him next to his laptop, I was touched of its presence. Feeling uneasy, I transferred myself to Iwan's messy and not-as-sightly-as-Fajar's room. Then it was finally time to watch WOLVERINE. Seriously that name reminds me of Salmaniye all the time. I sat on the chair in front of the door with MD at first but then I won it over 'cause she moved to the middle. Just a few minutes into the movie someone rang the bell and I opened it to find Umar, tararara~

It was only the first 5 minutes when we found out that Umar watched this before and we were like Oh Umar dah sampe mana? and he was like Disini and me, MD and Farah were laughing I think, only I laughed the hardest 'cause srsly, it was funny to me. If you don't get what's so funny, it's because he watched only the first 5 minutes of the movie. Plus he said it in the plain way an Umar speaks. Since Farah was in the premises she kept commenting about various things which I constantly laughed at. The movie was uber cool but we couldn't make out the speech at all due to us talking and perhaps low volume. By the way Iwan was in his room. At the end of the movie where an epic quote was said, Abid kept repeating it in SUCH a funny way that sent us laughing but me and MD laughed the most and me the longest. God, I laugh so much but there's nothing wrong with that right? That dude wouldn't stop quoting XD 'til MD told him off or something. Once there was a phone call and Fajar picked it up and suddenly he walked over to me and said 'Bs' and it was my mom blabbering away about Ocha being alone in the house. He said my name, aaaaaah T____T It made me sad.

The movie was finally done at 10:15 or whatever and we could've watched another but speculated Hannah Montana instead. Fajar was already falling asleep, his eyes were red. We watched that for a bit 'til we decided to go home 'cause of the poor boy. I left the house after Umar not on purpose alright and spontaneously said bye and I don't know if he said anything 'cause I only saw him do this gesture... and waved, I think. When I got home I realised it was just Saturday [and Nisa's birthday only I didn't see her], time's going pretty slow, which is good.

"His brain may heal but his memories won't grow back."

that was the quote. XD