I had such a good Friday. I will type about it once I lighten up again, which I don't know when because this week [i.e. Sunday and Monday] had been so depressing.
I feel that everyone has something against me. Even _____s.
What on earth do I do to them? Why don't they leave me alone? They say ____ knows best, well that's just shit 'cause if they do then from my lonely eyes they can tell why I'm like this, and that I want them to buzz off. Mind their own business. I am a good person, mean and rough but good, I am no ___ or anything. When doesn't society notice the positive things inside someone? Do they have to critic all the time? Besides, isn't it wrong to do what they're doing right now? Give me a break. Why should I care. People bother me when I diss 'em off, they leave me alone when I need company. Isn't that so fucked up?
I feel that I am taken for granted.
If I'm here then I'm here, if I'm not, then let's go to the others instead and wait 'til she comes back. It's like I'm some minor or stunt double who only seems to be significant whenever they need me or anything. All the nice things I do, all the pain I go through, they just take it or leave it, more likely leave me alone actually. If I move out of this place, get away from anyone, I bet only a few people would bother looking for me and keeping in contact, let alone remember who I was and what I meant, which is nothing. I kick people away from my circle because I've become anti-social because of how people have been treating me. When I look at the people in my community I realise how hardly any of them fit me. Does anyone try to change me? No. They just leave me to my own problems that stack higher and higher up as I ask my everyday question: Why is this happening to me? I don't need help, I just need support.
I feel that I am worthless.
I may act like I want people to not take notice of me, but infact I need attention the most out of anyone. Yes, I need attention. Do I ever get it? Hardly. Conclusion? Step out. I don't want people to see me anymore. I've tried, but I guess it's just the destiny that I am an outcast and deserve no love and respect from my friends and younger behalfs. Especially you. Sometimes I don't get you; I respect that you have your own problems but what about mine? The world doesn't revolve around you. I'm in it too. Dude we're in this together. Don't ignore me, you know I never want you to ignore me. I support you, you support me. Is that too much to ask? I want you to be happy, can't you feel the same? You're supposed to feel the same. I'm not being big headed or anything, but you are FUCKIN SUPPOSED TO. Or else what does this all mean? Don't ask me how, think about it. You look at me. What am I doing? Being alone. How am I feeling? Sad. Don't you relate? Won't you understand? I know you don't take me for granted, but make me feel like I mean something. Everyone in the world is useless, we're all trash, tiny in this enormous universe God created. If just one person makes you the world, how do you think it feels? I never know what it feels. I am just that unworthy speck.
I feel that I am angry, depressed and dead.
Forget it. I'm tired of continuing this entry anymore.
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