January Hurted

in this lonely road I always walk in

I will start by saying that you should all know I'm in a bad mood judging from the previous 3 entries or so. You should also know that I had a fantastic week last week which pitfalled in these last 7 days of January due to reasons my entire community already knows about... and others. What I know is that all of you had a much better time than me, so if you don't want those happy moods destroyed, do not read.

There was I.A. on Sunday but because I felt lazy to go, I didn't. I remember some bad news yesterday which I told a few people about. I walked to the car with ahoushi and Khalid, they were talking to me about, ugh, ******. I noticed the idiot never looked me right in the eye and when I was about to ask him something he ran away.

Monday was the acclaimed Emo Day, Umar wore a black kemeja which I wanted to faint over. I had the exact same shirt which I planned to wear but changed my mind and I so regretted it. I didn't talk to Fajar at school and felt biasa2 aja lah, but when I got home something happened which kind of... actually, really hurted me. From Adam I knew that the boy was concerned about me afterwards, which I appreciated a lot, but he never asked me myself. So I left him be.

The next day we didn't talk to each other again so I continued 'acting weird', but I found out from Adam in the evening that the idiot asked him again why I'm like this. Thanks Fajar, but why don't you ask me instead? At 12:45 I just stood against the pole thinking, not wanting to socialise, but at 1pm when I saw Hamzah walking off I wanted to talk to him. There was photography of course and I planned to be with Carisa and the others this time, but I ended up taking photos of the red firebox thing for so long that I lost them. I heard noises downstairs and found Hamzah going up the steps and I was glad he was around, just like last week. Maybe that was all fate. Then I think I asked for his help. Eyre passed by while we were with the firebox and he said 'Interesting photograph' or something XD Cania appeared and told me something and I became mental. Then me and Hamzah went downstairs, I got intrigued with the water machine and spent some time there. Eyre passed by again and said 'Interesting photograph' again. We saw Carisa and Dhe3 posing in front of the bathroom window, wtf? and laughed XD Hamzah disappeared so I looked for him outside. He was taking pics of flowers, wtf?, and showed me failure frames. I took the flower from him and used it with the water machine. After several pleadings, both of us traveled upstairs for a secret purpose. I was taking pics of the other side of the block and Eyre passed by waving his arms.

LOL he's so funny. I missed the 2 years he teached me in ): I sat on the floor taking pics of the ceiling and Hamzah copied my idea [I failed]. He briskly walked past the corner but I was like ASDDAGDSHD, so when I stood up and went over to him I literally stumbled/tripped, right in front of that classroom, but thank God I didn't fall. Hamzah was laughing at me with his pink cheeks 'cause I'm sure I looked stupid, but I bet mine was from the embarassment. Carisa, Dhe3 and Farah appeared and stalked us to Ward's room. Soon it was 2 but Hamzah brought me over to the Tech Block and I was confused as to why but then remembered that he wanted to show me his artwork. Shaza and Rodha were in there but left right after we came. We spent several minutes inside [his folder was nice] then ran off to pray. There was only me, Hamzah, Tante Ita and Tante Chandra in the car. DnF didn't join us apparently. I sat at the back with him, he ate an entire container of Cinnzeos I think [I only ate 1 piece] and throughout the journey we took photos of the city furiously, and... talked. Yeah, I really liked that afternoon.

Um, all about Wednesday is typed here.

I think Thursday made me cry, but I don't remember very well. Right before registration I immediately noticed that Fajar was absent and I got a bit worried and asked Iwan, turns out he was sick. Even though I'm not talking to him and I don't know the reason why, the day felt weird without him. Afterschool me and matar had issues with badminton being swarmed with boys, but in the end we overcame it and played. Umar was made of pure awesome. His leg muscles *dies*. There were the twins, the Malays and Afif and his friends. At first we played by the side but then Bonnar kicked some dudes out and we got the court. Then after a while we invited Umzah to play with us, gosh I sucked. It's been months. Farhan took Carisa for a singles match so I kept watching the raging skull HAHAAHA. Lavinia arrived later on and she played with us too. Farhan totally trashed me, he was so hard [duh] -__-;;. In the last 10-15 minutes me, Hamzah, Carisa and Lavinia had a fail game together and I was with Hamzah so yeah, we ended up talking more than paying attention to the game HAHA. Sorry Carisa. Oh yeah, I saw Arif roll on the floor like 2 times and I laughed so hard. At home I panicked whether to give Fajar cookies or not but then I heard he was already healthy. Nevertheless, when Nisa and CC [was DnF there?] popped in I prepared 2 pieces. My Year12 classmates seemed to dominate the tennis court from 6-ish til 8 and I was like wtf, what are they doing here 0.0 Too bad I didn't get to show them that I live here, 'cause they already left. Then, before going to the court, me and Carisa/Cania went over to Iwan's to hand over the cookies. I made sure Fajar wouldn't open the door but when Iwan did, I saw Fajar walk right behind him [that guy didn't even realise] scratching his messy-haired head [he looked sleepy]. I was so surprised and hid, but turns out the boy headed for the bathroom. Ughh, I miss him so bad. I shoved the bag at Iwan and ran off. I think then me and Cania went to my house but I forgot why. We watched KHR *sheds a tear* then migrated to DnF's to eat yummy soto. 'Til 11pm, Matar talked about her childhood and it was really interesting, I was so shocked at every tale told. It was a sad night. But I laughed.

I wish Friday never happened to me, that I slept through the entire day, infact, maybe throughout my entire life. When I woke up I took a look outside and it was fogging, it made the compound look scary. Then at 7:30 I went to Aspire and had a normal time but it hurted. The girls wanted to go to Dindor's for singing practise and I declined the offer 'cause I didn't want to sing and I knew that if I came I'd still be left out anyway. So I stayed at home, and I hated it. Fajar started a chat saying my first name and I swear I wanted to cry due to being so touched but guess what, it ended for the worst. He went offline after saying 'nvm' and I became clueless, confused, angry, sad, yearning, why?. I thought things would turn out OK with at least 1 person, but I thought wrong, and decided to type a caps lock entry spilling nearly all my feelings. There was nobody online, not even the reward, and even though I know he doesn't go on that much I still wanted to know where he was. I couldn't stand the pain of being in front of the laptop so I sat on the couch and started reading, but I got bored of that. So I turned on the TV and watched Discovery Science for a bit. Then at 1pm-ish... I drifted to sleep. I woke up at 2, checked MSN for 10 seconds and saw nothing happening. My heart was still hurting and I didn't want to bear it any longer so I hopped in bed and continued my deep sleep. I really, really slept. I had a dream. Sekompond was having some sort of jurit malam in a house that seemed to be my relatives'. It wasn't scary at all, but funny. When we were done I remember Afif bringing us popsicles and we ate happily. It was 6AM, we stepped outside and the scene turned into school. We were all panicking 'OMG we're gonna be late for school' 'cause we had to go home first to get ready, wtf? As we walked to the car I found free manga and tones sheets on the floor. It was a good dream, and I wish I never woke up. But I did, at Maghrib. I slept for 4 hours. That was a record. I miserably dragged my feet to the laptop and nobody was online, still. I wondered how long they were gonna stay at Dinda's, how long he has to go out, where on earth the idiot is. Nisa appeared though and at first I was too lazy to chat but soon I gained a lil' bit of spirit. I looked outside at 6 and found Abid, Iwan, Afdal and Boey, so us girls went out. Since I wore my abaya, was tired, moody and didn't feel like it, I simply watched them play basketball. DnF had to go to the wisma so it was me and Nisa left. Suddenly she had the idea of watching a movie and I suggested the Orphanage and we instantly agreed, but I had to eat dinner. When I went back outside Khalid and Fajar were there and I felt a twinge of pain seeing him, 'cause I haven't all day. I asked Nisa if we should watch outside and she said it all depended on me. When I brought my laptop to the court, the twins appeared. Since it wouldn't turn on, I decided to bring my dad's and it worked [with internet too]. We watched against the fence and BoeyBid scared us like 3x and I screamed in 2 of them I think. Fajar laughed at us, and I don't know if he was being mean. I shivered either because of the movie or the weather and Nisa kept crawling away from me and I got scared. The boys stopped playing basketball at 8:30 and just sat down, Iwan was 30mins late for his bedtime. After he left, Fajar did, then Umar, then Afdal. I sort of wondered why the idiot left early, last Friday he stayed 'til 10:30 even when Umar and the other guys weren't there. There was only Khalid, Fadhli and Hamzah left. They watched the movie with us :D But Khalid left shortly. The atmosphere was tense and quiet 'til 9:30, when Om Bidin came over to take Fadhli home. Hamzah had to leave too, and since it would be just me and Nisa, we got dead frightened and decided to go home also. The movie would've ended at 10 ); I returned home in despair.

Saturday was shit too -___-. Stayed at home all day, didn't see anyone. I slept 'til 10:15AM though so yay I used up valuable time. This time the idiot did stay online longer but nothing progressed. I didn't chat with anyone all day, either, 'cept Nisa for a bit and Dasa. Everyone seemed so busy. At least I spent around 2 hours watching Britain's Next Top Model which entertained me. As I sit here at 6:45 though, I don't even know what I've done all day. People posted in their blogs and after reading them I... I don't know. I couldn't comment. I couldn't bother faking a 'I'm glad you had a great time', 'cause really, I'm not. But I continuously kept wondering why I can't be like them, your average girl. Why am I so different? Why am I the only girl, even sekompond member maybe, depressed? Why am I the only one with 2 guy friends who are on exactly the same level as any normal girl and their girl BFFs? Why am I the only one who sort of hate girls in general, and prefers having guys around? I'm not saying this to offend anyone, it's how I really feel. All the time. I don't wanna be your average girl though, it's so 'boring' and I like the way I am, but when it comes to these kinds of circumstances... that's what makes me unable to fit in. No other girl is like me. Well, what I actually want is for my guy friends to consider me highly, important and special too, to a point that... I don't know. To any point that can make me hurt-free again. 'Cause that's the problem.

Kau Diam Tanpa Kata
Kau Seolah Jenuh Padaku
Ku Ingin Kau Bicara
Katakan Saja Apa Salahku

Sungguh Aku Tak Mengerti
Apa Yang Telah Terjadi Dan
Ku Tak Ingin Kau Pergi Jauh Dari Hidupku

Ku Ingin Kau Bicara
Katakan Saja Apa Maumu
Lihat Aku Coba Kau Mengerti
Ini Semua Bisa Teratasi
Resapilah Semua Yang Pernah Kita Lakukan

Kau Takkan Pernah Sadari
Betapaku Mencintaimu
Kau Yang Selalu Aku Banggakan
Kau Takkan Pernah Mengerti
Betapaku Menyayangimu
Kau Yang Selalu Aku Inginkan

This is a long entry I know, but I haven't blogged properly for a week so might as well make the most of it.I really don't wanna go to school, I feel like my parents waste their hopes and money on me, 'cause I don't want this education and study-abroad offer they give me, I don't want to be an engineer 'cause I fail at everything, I don't wanna work hard for anything anymore besides going to heaven. I'm saying all this 'cause I'm going through a phase by the way; I'm sure when I'm fully healed [God knows when, let it be soon though amin ya robbal alamin] I'll forget all this hopeless shit I've typed. It's not the real me, I don't give up. Someone told me something like that before.

I pray to Allah with my dying will that February onwards will be brighter. Amin.

To Be in My Shoes.

Even cutting yourself would feel better.

Imagine this.

You wake up, it's dark outside and the hairs on your skin are standing still.
It's hard to move, painful to open your eyes, but easy to remember the day before.
The time is only 4:30AM, but you're already thinking about that horrible yesterday where hurt appears to be the highlight. You want it to go away. It's too early.
Mom prepares you a breakfast, you eat quietly, then sit on the couch. 15 minutes pass by. You perform Shalat and remain in the last position, praying hard for the better. 10 minutes pass by.
Soon it's time for school - that personal jail you're forced to trudge in for another 4 months - but you didn't even start your homework; due to the lack of motivation and sheer depression you experienced just 9 hours ago.
It's time to play the role of the prisoner now, so you drag a smile and sit on the steps and furiously continue the homework that will result in a sentence if it is incomplete. People don't bother.
It's time for assembly now, none of your mates seem to be with you so you walk to the Sports Hall as a single person. You saw your best friend come in and look for a couple of seconds but they don't.
It's time for study period now, so you grab a desk next to the window where no one can join you and write write write.
It's time for Maths now, a lesson full of hatred and rage for the alien dictator teacher who can't shut his damn mouth for a single minute without asking his victims how they're doing. It is an hour of absolute silence, though you push yourself to joke and laugh quietly with the person sitting next to you, for they do not know how you really feel inside.
It's time for break now, you turn away from your usual cluster because you know you don't fit in and join the untypical ones. There is a test coming up which you didn't have time to study for, but had all the world to contemplate about 'life'.
It's time for Physics now, it was OK but because the teacher told you to pick up the tests from everybody else, who were obviously still writing, you couldn't finish. You realise you spent 4 minutes waiting for them, and remember that someone meaningful has a lesson in the same block right now; so you pray to God and rushed, stepping out the chamber to know it's too late.
It's time for ICT now, the classroom is like a vaccuum - no sound can be heard. Suddenly the bell rings and you chase the stairs hoping, but it crashes.
It's time for break now, that other homework you ditched is scrawled 'til 2 minutes after the last lesson has passed. The grounds are empty now, except with the traces of boy students, 2 of whom you know, but only 1 of whom you glanced at in yearn. They seem to peer at you through the leaves but imaginations are wild anyway.
It's time for Chemistry now, a lesson which is enjoyable but occasionally confusing. The homework you dedicated your energy to is not collected, new chunks of information are thrown at you, and an experiment which results makes all scream 'WHY' are conducted. The final bell signals freedom - or so you expect.
Finally it's time to go home now, your weight is slightly lifted due to no homework, but shoulders sag as you glance at your best friend face their own friends joyfully talking and someone dear walk up not to you, but those other people... other people...

You just want to go home.

Watching the best friend prance away, you wish they would turn around and look at you, but they never do. You only watch their back, again for the 5th time, until it finally disappears and you have to wait 'til tomorrow to see them again. You wonder if they will come up to you and say hi.
When are you going home? You and your friends walk outside to the heat and the music blares, the world shut out. The fence is the only thing that can keep you straight, as others seem to forget you're there and converse by themselves, but you don't care. You stand up and scrape 'HEL' on the sand. Help? Or Hell?
You wonder why that someone dear isn't talking to you. At lonely times like this, they are often your source of comfort. Perhaps today it's not for show, so you drift away to the sad beats humming into your ears. Everyone is together, except you who walks alone, even to the car which rolled in after waiting for an endless 30 minutes. Time has been wasted.
A car is your personal space to listen music and ignore everything but its lyrics, and the constant replay of feelings and melancholic memories in your sensitive mind. The others talk, but you don't want to join in. You start to imagine all sorts of wonderful things that will never happen.

Home is where the heart dies. Today.

Everything was peaceful until you suddenly read a ramble of lies, told by that someone dear who you now know why they ignored you. Life's unfair is an immature statement, so you decide to hate, but contain the anger and the urge to type profanity for you are fasting. You think of how bad a time it is for this to happen.
You and that someone discuss and express thoughts about the issue; until one single statement causes you to suddenly cry. You go to your room, lie down on the bed and tears fall. All is wrong now. Eyes still wet, you think about how you wish that best friend of yours is talking to you, so you can tell them everything, really - everything. But they don't even ask. You wish they did.
The screen shows no new messages from them and you exit the window hatefully with sorrow. How are you supposed to feel when people make rumours and gossip about you? They are wrong. They are bloody, fucking wrong. You start to blame people, hate people, crazily wondering why this has to happen to you. You worry of a golden friendship that can lose its worth.
But your father keeps coming up to you to talk about the future. University. You are frustrated and annoyed, but remain patient and calm in answering his kind questions.

There is no time to think of the steps forward when you keep falling.

Words of a Suicidal

I had such a good Friday. I will type about it once I lighten up again, which I don't know when because this week [i.e. Sunday and Monday] had been so depressing.

I feel that everyone has something against me. Even _____s.

What on earth do I do to them? Why don't they leave me alone? They say ____ knows best, well that's just shit 'cause if they do then from my lonely eyes they can tell why I'm like this, and that I want them to buzz off. Mind their own business. I am a good person, mean and rough but good, I am no ___ or anything. When doesn't society notice the positive things inside someone? Do they have to critic all the time? Besides, isn't it wrong to do what they're doing right now? Give me a break. Why should I care. People bother me when I diss 'em off, they leave me alone when I need company. Isn't that so fucked up?

I feel that I am taken for granted.

If I'm here then I'm here, if I'm not, then let's go to the others instead and wait 'til she comes back. It's like I'm some minor or stunt double who only seems to be significant whenever they need me or anything. All the nice things I do, all the pain I go through, they just take it or leave it, more likely leave me alone actually. If I move out of this place, get away from anyone, I bet only a few people would bother looking for me and keeping in contact, let alone remember who I was and what I meant, which is nothing. I kick people away from my circle because I've become anti-social because of how people have been treating me. When I look at the people in my community I realise how hardly any of them fit me. Does anyone try to change me? No. They just leave me to my own problems that stack higher and higher up as I ask my everyday question: Why is this happening to me? I don't need help, I just need support.

I feel that I am worthless.

I may act like I want people to not take notice of me, but infact I need attention the most out of anyone. Yes, I need attention. Do I ever get it? Hardly. Conclusion? Step out. I don't want people to see me anymore. I've tried, but I guess it's just the destiny that I am an outcast and deserve no love and respect from my friends and younger behalfs. Especially you. Sometimes I don't get you; I respect that you have your own problems but what about mine? The world doesn't revolve around you. I'm in it too. Dude we're in this together. Don't ignore me, you know I never want you to ignore me. I support you, you support me. Is that too much to ask? I want you to be happy, can't you feel the same? You're supposed to feel the same. I'm not being big headed or anything, but you are FUCKIN SUPPOSED TO. Or else what does this all mean? Don't ask me how, think about it. You look at me. What am I doing? Being alone. How am I feeling? Sad. Don't you relate? Won't you understand? I know you don't take me for granted, but make me feel like I mean something. Everyone in the world is useless, we're all trash, tiny in this enormous universe God created. If just one person makes you the world, how do you think it feels? I never know what it feels. I am just that unworthy speck.

I feel that I am angry, depressed and dead.

Forget it. I'm tired of continuing this entry anymore.

It's the Destiny

-Title quote Fajar-

Soo, this was quite a bright week except some factors that held me and Hamzah back from usual conversation. The weather is cold again and it makes me unbothered to move around. I delayed this entry so much 'cause I wasn't so willing to type it so now I forgot all the good stuff that happened ); I talked with ahoushi a lot this week YAY

Saturday
Ngebosenin! KAIFA and the stuff after it bothers me. When do we get to talk about life and teenage stuff? Hamzah informed me of something that sorta became our highlight. I believed that Fajar ignored me 'cause it's rare we see each other in KAIFA yet he kept on with the Umar theory. I even asked Adam a favour concerning that boy.

Sunday
Ignoring the first 4 lessons, at 11:45 when it was time for Physics I ran off to the girls' block because I told Jana we have it there but turns out it was in the Tech Block [sadly], so I thought she would be waiting there. As I rushed through the corridor, I had to face the Jones' students. I saw Adam amongst large people in front of him and he was against the wall by the corner giving an emo impression like that HAHAHA. It was also dark so I couldn't see him properly. I decided to wave and he nodded slowly. At home in MSN he told me he waved back but I didn't see, unfortunately xD Oh yeah, I sorted things out with ahoushi in the evening and suddenly the days that followed Sunday became perfectly fine.

Monday
I fasted today. I felt weird and hungry. At 1st break I told Tresa that I don't know what to do in break anymore and she said why don't you eat and I said that I was fasting. When I was walking towards the boys' block I stared at tech and steered my eyes back to the direction I was heading. Suddenly Fajar jumped up next to me with Khalid trailing behind from the stairs. I didn't even see him before o__O;; He held out his hand with a green plastic-looking thing on his finger, grinned and said 'Eh coba deh, rasa mint. Enak lho' or something like that. I ate it and it tasted good but very spicy. I asked him where he got it from but he went inside already. On my way upstairs I appreciated the sensation but thought 'Hmmmh jadi haus nih'. Then Ronaldhino kicked a football at my head, and I realised that I was freaking FASTING. I ran to the bathroom and started rinsing my mouth HAHAHA. After school I told everyone about it but when it came to Hamzah, Fajar came over and heard and put his hands on his head and exclaimed 'OHHH iya ya kamu lagi puasaaa' then backed away as if I'd punch him. He also told me it was from an AMIRUL. It was all funny. Oh yeah I also saw his awesome cool HP. Primary was normal; Carisa joined us. I d'massive chatted at home, glad to catch up with ef jay ar again BWAHA.

Tuesday
I don't remember school hours but after it I went to photography weee and got pass no.22 whilst Hamzah got 21, padahal I prefer that number 'cause 2+1=3 = favourite number. Too bad Umar wasn't footballing or else I would've taken some shots of him HAHAHA XD Well I wanted to join Dhia, Ifa and Carisa but they seemed out of my league so I travelled to the lockers on my own but Hamzah was hanging around with me too. Then I went outside and he supposedly followed me and I took pictures of the top of the blocks with the sky. They were great :D Sometimes we made remarks at each other but besides that everything was peaceful. Later on I went inside Tech Block and sat down on the floor to take pics of arrows LAUGHS. I bet I looked weird. Back outside I told Hamzah about the Maths Store room 'cause Dhia showed me her pics and I was interested. Parry took a group shot of us 8D So then Hamzah and I went into the store room but since there wasn't enough time I couldn't take a lot of pics ._. Oh well.

Wednesday
UHHH I completely forgot about today too. TEEHEE.

Thursday
Well at night I wanted to go outside but failed and ended up chatting instead :D Oh God why is my memory so bad?

WELL ANYWAY NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ A LONGER ENTRY.
p.s. I made a blog about my past Year 11 life here

2 Years Ago

Monday 4 December 2006

CC came at around 9:30. At first we just did Gaia, laughed, watched some Naruto and bla3. Then at around 12 or 1 or something we went to Nisa's to watch Kung-Fu Hustle. Only me and Cania went. The movie was freakishly stupid, disgusting, actionish and FUNNY. We laughed a hell load. Then at 3:30 me and Cania went home; we were going to watch the Badminton Semifinals and were sooo happy to be able to go. In the stadium we looked for seats and sat at the old place we sat on before. Me and Nisa immediately volunteered to sholat Maghrib first together. The entrance was blocked and we feared that we weren't allowed to get in again and we were right. The evil security dude wouldn't let us in, even when we said we just finished praying and wanna go back. We tried calling people but they didn't pick up @@ Fortunately tante Cathy arrived, and after arguing we rushed back in x] We bought indo flags by the way.
When we sat down I searched for Fajar 'cause he wasn't with us and guess what, he was waving his flag at me frantically on the other side of the court and smiled when I saw him and I waved my flag back. He is so kind. Throughout the tournaments us girls screamed Indonesia so loud tatne Ita often looked back and smiled. The only players that won were KIDO and his teammate. Taufik and Santoso were lame. Chandra and Yubla3 could've won. Me and Nisa were always waving our flags and their poles kept crashing into each other so we got into playful fights. There were also these freakishly loud, trash-smelling people that screamed louder than an airplane taking off and stank like rotten eggs. Ugh. We both also made a rule that the 'cool' players wore NECKLACES and ACCESSORIES. XD We were so stupid and only cared about their image xD
Fajar kept trying to get my attention. Once he wore the racoon hat then waved at me to get me to look. I watched him take a flag and wrap it up around the hat. Then he lifted it up his creation and it looked like a squirrel wearing a cape xD It was cute. We went home at 9pm after a long walk to the Isyna mobile in freezing weather.

Between the 4th 'til 25th, I scribbled a lot of stuff in my rough book but none of them are good enough to be posted here, so I'll just skip.

Monday 25 December 2006

DnF finally stayed at home! At 4 or something we went outside, but we didn't find the boys so we walked along the road and found that Fadhli's house's door was opened and they were watching Spongebob o___O;; Hamzah and Fadhli were too busy watching so Umar immediately went outside and hit balls. We complained about how boring it was and went outside too. Then the 2 watchers trailed after us. Fajar was wearing a 'BS' shirt - a B on the front and a spider on the back [Iwan calls me Big Spider]. We played Hide and Seek, but went inside DnF's a bit. We've been escaping from Umar and I said 'Kasian Umar ah' and Fajar turned round and asked 'Kamu suka ya' and I went 'No!'. After Maghrib I went back there and played with Farah. We were doing Gaia stuff and looked at profiles while eating pringles and Stik-O. Then we found that naruto.Oturan's shoe was called RADICOOL. That's when I had the idea to change Farah's name to RADICOOL XP! We were laughing soo hard. We also laughed when I said gibberish to Hamzah in MSN then Farah typed 'Ini BS' and I typed back 'Bs ini, itu Bs, Bs itu, HAHAHA maap'. Then Farah typed gibberish to Umar and typed 'Ini Farah' and 'Farah ini, itu Farah, Farah itu, HAHAHA' and we laughed so hard again. It was fun.

Intinya, I loved December '06 and we played outside a hell load. Nearly everyday infact. Good times.

Doha Asian Games 2006

Saturday 2 December 2006

We went to the Sports City at 12:15, met up with CC and took pictures in the cold weather. We were amazed at the stuff and got inside Aspire.
When we were buying something, Fajar suddenly appeared wailing saying he didn't have friends and was there since Zuhur. We sat on the seats opposite the crowded ones, he saw us and then appeared like a ghost. Soon he left to buy food and looked for the others, but came back though there were a lot of seats taken so he sat at the front. We watched Taufik play [Indo was always vs. China]. There were major screams and cheers from the flag holders - Fajar was norak 'cause he stood up and screamed too XD He went to look for Umzah but when he came back there were no seats so he sat on the steps next to me. We talked a lot and commented too, complaining and cheering for Taufik. The Indons kept losing! Lame. At 3, DnF, Nisa and Dhe3 and Fikar came all at once! Huff. All of us waved to them, only Umzah noticed. For a while Fajar stayed with us talking but then he left to go to the twins and I saw that all he did there was play GameBoy SP =__=;;
Boi and Adi were being stupid. They stood on the balcony wearing racoon and roman hats, waving a flag and screaming loudly. After praying Asar we continued watching. There were lots of Wongs and there was a Kuan BH xD Soon we moved to sit with DnF and the rest - they gave us hotdogs [laughs, they were delicious]. After Maghrib, we checked out gymnastics. Cania slipped on the floor and once on the steps XD The next section is muddled up.
After watching the tournaments, me, Nisa and Ocha were separated from the rest because.. uhh.. hmmh.. I forgot. We then searched for seats but didn't find any, but instead found Fajar and Afif walking together. Then I came up with the idea to jalan2. They instantly agreed =D We peered at Kabadi then decided to go inside it. Guess what? The Kabadi area had Indians etc. EVERYWHERE. 360 degrees. It stunk BADLY! We were forced to go in and sit down so that we can see how they play but because it reeked so much I offered everyone my HandyClean hand sanitiser and we breathed the aroma XDXDXD Finally we escaped and laughed and laughed.
I then lead them to the boxing place but we found a cyclist track first. It was KEREN. In the boxing place we looked for a bit and the boys were amazed 'cause it was the first time they saw wrestling. Then we left, Fajar [I called him SP] and Afif were SO FREAKIN FUNNY AND STUPID when we wanted to go to the gymnastics - they saw that we had to pass the stinky Kabadi place so when they nearly reached the entrance they said 1,2,3!, covered their mouths with their HandyCleaned hands and RAN XD People were actually looking! XD Us girls laughed so hard and so did they. We decided to watch gymnastics for a bit. You wouldn't believe how many times we shifted seats! Soon after that we were called to go back. On the way Fajar said he was gonna tell us a huge secret but when we reached the badminton area he said that the one who called was Iwan? Hah?
There were no spaces so me, Nisa and Ocha went to the opposite seats and talked about a lot of stuff. We discussed the tournaments, Boey [HAH?], HP stuff, food and Sekompond as animals. We even bought ice cream. We wrote down Sekompond Farm names - well, talked about them first actually. After a lot of hustle, it was already around 9 or something and the indon girls kept winning over the malays. YAY! I liked Boey's racoon hat. XD After me and Nisa finished our food, we wrote down the Farm animals names after doodling pics on my rough book [she drew gothic punk emos XD]. It was a hell loada fun. Just after we decorated it with pictures the indons WON. We hadta go after, and walked to the exit together.
I showed CC the animals, then one of them shoved the book to Fajar and he read it. We were bein photo-ed and I saw that he showed Umzah and they huddled around and laughed. Downstairs, we all ran around and I was freezing, Fajar kept asking for the book and it bugged me. We went to the gift shop - it was really really cool. When the people were at the cashier line I was called by Fajar and we and Salmaniye sat together and looked at the Sekompond Farm list, discussing it and drawing extra stuff. Soon other people began huddling around us. My family was the first to go home.

So, that was an entry about the Asian Games. It was written in my rough book 2 years ago and I decided to type it up here.

OK Friday

It was an OK Friday. Could've been better, but at least I had some fun. It will never beat the 9th so I'm not bothered to go into extreme details :D

Morning

Went to Aspire at 7AM and stayed there til 10AM. It was longer than I expected but nothing special happened at all. Rollerbladed 'til the edge of the lake [padahal I wanted to keep going] with Indira, DnF, Dasa and Nisa, taking pictures in the process too and then watched the males play football. It was so muddy and the squishy feeling was ew x__x;; Later on the females set up a picnic but I didn't feel like eating so I skated aaaaall the way round Aspire [not the Aspire park, the parts with the stadiums]. I took some pictures but the view wasn't really spectacular. I passed the boys and when I looked at them Fajar was the first to spot me and then Iwan pointed and spoke but I was listening to music - he asked where the others were and I said that I was rollerblading around alone and he was like I was asking about the others, not you. How stabbing. But well, he's right. The rollerblading-alone session was peaceful by the way, and I liked it. When I got to the picnic Farah called me an emo and I snapped at her. I'm often alone and she points it out now? I laid down on the grass under the tree and stared at the sky. Then I strode over to the picnic place and saw Fajar's earmuffs and it was cute. I saw duck pics from DnF's DSLR and went up to Hamzah who was with the kids, inviting him to take more with my camera. He's the only one I wanna talk to when I feel lonely. Well, Fajar too, but he has his own problems. When we started to walk off to the lake Tante Ita called out to him to not go so far so he went back. Afterwards he told me something critical that I already know about but don't really care, 'cause the impressions he told me were all false and negative. You're not supposed to have prasangka buruk about anyone. Before going home I stood next to the kids and felt Fajar walking towards me, though it was a mere guess. After a while I turned to my right to face him and he smiled and gave me a thumbs up because of God knows why. Again, it was a friendly thing to do but I smiled weakly. Nevertheless, we began walking to the car park together and he showed me his bracelet that says 'Sex pot', which apparently his mother bought, and talked about other stuff. It was a short period of time, but I appreciate it. When his car was leaving he looked at me through the window and I waved and he waved back. I found that something he doesn't do very often thus savoured the memory.

Evening & Night

We all went outside at 4:15 and hung in front of Nisa's house. I took videos so all I can say is that we talked about fart and how cold it was so we should hug each other and stuff. I told Umar about my 'song lyrics' and insisted him and Fajar to read it on the way to the Musholla at Maghrib. Fajar was uninterested because he mocked about how he bets it's romantic and all - well he's wrong. This weekend he is especially glued to Umair-sama and much apart from myself so that made me reach a theory: When something is wrong with Fajar that is sudden, which results in him jauh2ing me, he hangs out excessively with Umar. And it's happened before. Anyway, me CC and Nisa watched Phineas and Ferb videos in YouTube at my house and I told Fajar the song lyric and I never knew what he wanted to say 'cause he went off. Later on I visited his house to ask Iwan for a vid and Fajar showed me his Obama x Gundam army and it caused me to think things are OK. But it's not. I asked him about the lyric and he said 'ga ko', stuff like that. We went to Nisa's house and ate mie and chicken, Hamzah came in when he was meant to be outside but he stayed a bit, us watching Suite Life on Deck. It was hilarious, 'cause one of the characters were mirip Arif Zakwan. I laughed too hard XD Soon I went home and went over to Fajar's again to return his Gundam 00 CDs. There was Umar and Khalid apparently. I decided to take the guys over there and Nisa, Farah, CC and Hamzah played Hotel 626 [with no SFX, meh], Fajar afraid and lazy to join, so the rest Guitar Hero-ed and Dynasty Warrior-ed. But once me and Fajar played KHR together and it was sooooo funny, I kept jumping across a pit backwards and forwards with Gokudera and we laughed hard. Even aho ushi. When I used Xanxus I beat that boy and stated the evil wrath of Xanxus .scary. Iwan came back from outside and I peeked to hear Afdal and the others play basketball. Soon everyone started scrambling out to the court, and there goes another session of BB. Hamzah played this time laughs. No comment. It lasted 'til 9:30, CC was gone by then. Since I has videos I don't bother typing about it. I laughed and talked and joked with ef ay jay ay ar who kept holding the pump when basketball was over and everything felt fine. But on my, Iwan and Fajar's way home, he told me things that made me feel unpleasant about, and the next day in KAIFA everything felt wrong again.

A Week Down the Drain

So, the week was quite a turnover despite that awesome Friday which can't be repeated unfortunately. At times like these I just wanna read those 2 entries over and over and over again. Drift off into the dream-like past. Yes, the past seems like a dream to me... and the present a sour reality. ):

Saturday - 10th January
It sucked harder than expired lollipops [which Idk how it turns out after its expiry date by the way o__O;;]. KAIFA was a drag, which = weight + upthrust. Lol sorry physics stuff. I expected Fajar to be there wearing all-red like he said, but there were guests over there so he couldn't come. There was a Palestine thingy in Qatar Charity. It was hideously boring and a waste of my time. I could've stayed at home and studied or something, drew, chatted, whatever. The guy was just showing off a droning timeline that had nothing to do with the country except the last 3/4 part. That's all there is to it, really.

I forgot what happened on Sunday D:

Monday - 12th January
I skipped Primary after-school so I can sok belajar, which I didn't do by the way. I accidentally left Nisa at school 'til 2pm when she was supposed to go home at 1. Sorry Nisa. XD Me and Dhea hitched a ride in the Sudarsana mobile 'cause Tante Ita/Tante Lisna was coming in really late and we just wanted to go home and 'study'. Apparently the key to my house was with Tante Ita. In that car we talked about music, marriage and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. My phone was calling my mom by itself [Idk how], me unaware, so when she rang she told me she heard something about KFC and Israel and I was laughing. I felt kinda emo in there; personal reasons. Iwan hardly spoke a word. When we reached my side of the compound I had a tough decision whether to stay in front of my house or go into Fajar's. I ended up sitting on the couch of their home watching Disney Channel after much thought. Iwan and Tante Siwi wandered off everywhere but Fajar sat down on a sofa and watched with me. We were dead silent. I wanted to talk but with Fajar I never try to start a convo 'cause good replies all depend on his mood. Eventually it was time to go home and he lead me out the door courteously. I did not study. I don't even remember what I was doing. My mom suggested that I take a day off school tomorrow and I came to the conclusion that I should go to lessons 4 and 5 only. As usual I was worried as to why Fajar wasn't chatting with me/online but when I went to his house to deliver money and he opened the door with a peek and beamed at the envelope and I said 'bukan buat kamu ya' and he talked about how his dad asked him what he wants to buy because of his 4 certificates and he replied that he'll think about it and I said sok banget sih kamu and we said bye with a grin, all the worries were blown away~

Tuesday - 13th January
Skipping school feels great, specially when done in Yr12. I studied from like 7 'til 10AM but slept for 30 mins inbetween. I felt prepared for this exam due to that. On my way to ICT, which was lesson 4 [I came to school right on time], I spotted Fajar going up the stairs but I kept my head down. When I looked up I saw him stopping and waiting for me, and when I was right behind him he asked 'Katanya bolos?' in his uplifting tone. I was about to explain when Abdulla who was in front of us said to him 'She's my friend' and playfully pushed him then Fajar pushed back. That's probably the 2nd/3rd time he asked me something but never got to hear the answer. So, after ICT, which was a waste of time, I went down the wrong stairs. There was Ifa and Indira so I questioned the Photography club. Indira said she was backing out and a lightbulb lit up. Downstairs, I collided with Fajar and Adam, grabbed Fajar's shoulders and whispered 'Eh Fajar bilang ke Adam tuh photography ada 1 tempat' and the boy loudly replied 'dia mmang udh mau masuk koq' *lol I think that's how he'd type it* or something. Then Adam told me something like yea, he's joining. It was a lame sentence. There were only 4 people in my Physics class. How stupid is that? After school me and Hamzah greeted calmly but he suddenly blurted out stories again. Anyway, the Physics exam was shit. I skipped a lot of questions and most of the ones I answered were done hesitantly. There were none that I was confident about, and it scared me. However, I was most enraged at how they hardly had anything I diligently studied for, nor the style of questions I really wanted, like calculations and equations of motions. Everything was explain this, show that, describe so and so. Stupid. In the car I became hopeless. I studied so hard, but nothing good will come out of it. I don't expect a B or A at all. That caused me to look back at my efforts again, numerous that never had positive results even when I tried really really hard. I forced myself to cry but that failed too. When I got home, I made the most emo PM, replied lamely at Matar and didn't bother with my next exam. Even Fajar greeted but he changed his mind and I think it's because of the bad mood I showed. For once I replied 'ap' instead of 'no no dnt say nvm, tell me'.

Wednesday - 14th January
Today was a waste besides Chemistry so I regretted coming to school. I even got a detention in Maths which I really don't care about. Physics was funny but I got upset because everyone thought the exam went great and I was the only one that hated it. In Chemistry we used balloons to portray shapes of molecules and it was highly amusing. The Mohammeds wanted to prove to Parry that when a balloon is hit it lands straight down, no parabolas involved [learnt from Physics]. When they hit it though, the balloon got stuck to the ceiling XD It was too funny. I wish I get to record all my Chemistry lessons. There's never one that doesn't make me laugh. After school I excessively chatted [not MSN] with Hamzah again and I realised that this week is such a Hamzah week. Fajar popped in once to try to poke the balloon I kept from Chemistry or was it because he wanted to interrupt again? but went back to the boys. By the way, throughout the days there were Indra x Kerry moments which we wuoo-ed at. I wanted to tell Hamzah my Adam story yesterday but the sight of the newsletter in Fajar's hands attracted me and I tried to obtain it but that boy kept moving his arms around as I attempted to snatch it away from his hand. It was a playful thing to do, but he didn't even smile or look at me, which I was just aware of that I say that a lot . Usually he would. So anyway my ICT exam started at 3 so I waited from 1 'til then, eating Subway and conducting my Maths h/w. The weather was great. I love school at night, 'specially the buildings. The exam was good but I didn't finish my report which is 18 marks but alhamdulillah I put in quite a few infos. I am so glad my exams are over.

Thursday - 15th January
I shouldn't have come to school today either, except that Chemistry was again important. I sat next to Abdulrahman by force of Parry and it made me remember how we used to talk on the phone and chat together in Year 8 - 9. We did an experiment that enabled us to bend running liquids and it was so freakin awesome. One of the Mohammeds stated 'Bend it Like Beckham' and I laughed. My detention felt like a breeze 'cause effin Griffin i.e. Iffin came in the last 5 minutes of it so for the first 10 I looked at the Year 11 boys' test papers. Iwan got 92% and Abid got 76% lol. As far as I remember, that is. Which isn't much. I began to continue my comic again and one perspective panel took me 50 minutes to finish. On my way out after the last lesson, Fajar and Khalid came in and that boy said to me 'Eh Adam mau main football lho, ikut aja nonton' and I think I replied 'Buat apa coba?'; my head remarking 'So what? I don't care what he does'. I noticed that he wore the p.e. bag I gave him and it made me soften a little. At home Nisa begged me to go outside/to her house. I brought my camera out 'cause the sky was amazing. Hamzah appeared right after I reached Nisa's door, and we took pictures for a while out there. Fajar and Tante Siwi passed by with their car and I later found out he was going to CC to buy his mobile, and I sort of felt upset 'cause he told Khalid and not me. Anyway we were all there besides DnF and the Sudarsanas, designing pins for supporting Palestine and photo-ing. More detail in FB. It was a relaxing 1.5 hours. After Maghrib I went to Nisa's and read her chat log and laughed hysterically XD Sigh, it was fun. At home I became my exaggerative anxious self and after much contemplating and ranting to Hamzah and Carisa, decided to not worry anymore and relax. It worked. Fajar greeted me in MSN at like 9pm-ish asking if I was going to Aspire tomorrow and finally we chatted again *tchd.

That's all.

Super Satisfaction

Continuation of Extreme Satisfaction XD

[ Fyi we said lots of random stuff but nothing in a specific topic unless otherwise mentioned ]

Anyway, then I started telling Hamzah about the BBQ at Abid's. Fajar and Umar then popped in with intrigued faces and I started my tale from scratch. I enjoy it when people listen to me :) I don't get it a lot. After commentating and bla3, all of them with bewildered expressions [really cute ones XD] I suggested to Hamzah that we go to the court 'cause Ali and Salman were too noisy and tante Siwi was resting/sleeping. We were talking about something too I think. We walked off with the kids together but then Fajar called out 'Bs!' right on cue as if to interrupt the me-and-Hamzah moment [well, it worked] so I ditched him and walked over to the demanding guy who showed me his squishy Poring-look-alike toy. I loved it T~T He regretted not buying me one. It was the uncommon trio again, walking to the court. I noticed that Umar wasn't wearing his glasses and asked him about that and he replied that it makes him dizzy o=

There was a KFC fuss. Only people who ordered got their food, I wasn't interested to eat surprisingly. I think 5 boys or something shared 1 chicken between them. HAHA. Sooner or later we all scrambled in the court and the boys played basketball very intensely. Ali and Salman were playing ice-cream shop XD So cuuute. I got chocolate flavour from Ali ;D Hamzah also had some lay-up issues, I think. I remembered when me and Dhea were doing our frequent ring-show-off thing and Fajar stuck out his hand with the ring on it too and asked me 'Dhea punya engagement juga ga?' or something to do with weddings and couples.

Well, since the boys were so engrossed with basketball, I played karet with the kids and it was amusing. I talked to Dasa a lot. He gave us these fortune things and he sounded so mystical [.mystic emote] and pro. Hamzah got 'pure heart' and stuff like that for his fortune whereas I got something to do with divination or whatever. The girls were just sitting down watching the boys; boring! again. I talked a lot with Hamzah too, but that's probably only 'cause he was the only boy not basketballing. He discussed with me his feelings towards it all and I attempted to support. :D Once Umar and Fajar were jumping coolly across the tennis net with style; I happened to speculate properly when Umar did it [he was like 'liat jar!' or something], so I said 'Kereeeeeeeeen' and Fajar said 'Siapa?' and I think his eyes sparkled eagerness. I answered 'Umar' and turned away but I caught his face fall and could've sworn he walked off and said 'cih'. After that he basketball-ed some more. I kept laughing so hard at all sorts of stuff, mostly because of Dasa and Hamzah I think.

Sometimes I take glances at Fajar when I laughed but kept seeing a continuous empty expression on his face, and a few times he looked back with it too I think [I don't know a lot do I?]. I also don't know if the net convo had anything to do with it but it's just a hunch you know? 'Cause it links, and also 'cause when I talked to him he didn't answer normally, or even smile like earlier in the night. Afdal had his crotch hit by a ball and sat down for 5 minutes and the next time his legs hurted so he sat down again and I joined XD Then he played songs with his guitar and I listened intently. He's so good~ Umar joined too when he was tired o= It was a small circle that I left after a while due to being bored sitting down. Later on I had a backwards-running race with Abid in which he cheated on and I was too afraid to run any faster due to falling probabilities and invited Fajar but he simply rejected/didn't answer and rode the scooter around the entire court several times alone and damn it made me down 'cause he looked really down too. Hamzah however wanted to race me so we did, and he won apparently. I messed up towards the end -x-

The kids/Dasa threw basketballs at Hamzah. It was funny when I look back but I defended that guy. Dasa also kept asking hilarious questions at Nisa though I can't remember any, sorry ._. *What do you expect from a short-term memory loss girl? Lama2 Fajar sort of went back to normal though he didn't answer well when I asked if he's OK and why he looks sad. That boy started doing sok-BMX stuff, twirling the thing around and it was so stupid and funny XD I asked him about Iwan and he said he was freakin' SLEEPING and I was like you gotta be kidding man part 2. It was just 8:48pm! The basketballing already stopped at that time by the way. Everyone was sitting in a circle listening to the guitar playings of Boey and after a while began playing cards. Meh, I wasn't in the mood to join in so I just loitered around with Fajar and Hamzah and the kids as I said.

Fajar's attitude in that entire court session [besides the earlier happy parts] made me a bit worried towards the end, so at 9:05-ish when I was riding the scooter and Fajar started walking to the gate and said to me 'Pulang dulu ya', I just said bye silently and wheeled away. He sounded like he was doing a kind intention. Anyway, me and Hamzah were the only teens standing. He told me another story, about his piano issues, whilst walking to DnF's to close their door. When we got back he confessed how he feels left out, stuff like that and I was insulted 'cause who does he think I am for keeping him company and being a place for 'agony aunting'? I liked Quality Bs and Hamzah Time [which is what Ocha/Dasa called it when me and Hamzah talk together whilst the others kept to themselves XD]. At around 9:20 or something I grew tired and felt weird not having Fajar around so I decided to go home. But I ended up playing in the laptop 'til late, HARHAR.

Sigh, that was such a brilliant night. Maybe my descriptions don't really show it, but in real life I had a ton of fun and smiles XD I wish for more of times like that :) Amin!

Sorry for the long entries.

Extreme Satisfaction

OK remember [well maybe you don't] when I said in the 2nd previous entry that the 'normal life cycle starts again'? I was wrong, Friday was great. The best. Aside from the exams I mean.

It was the best night I've had since December. Better than the Qatar National Day thang, harhar. Too bad I couldn't take pictures. It would be too dark, so I wasn't bothered. Besides, the greatest things in life aren't visible to the human eye. But it's kinda sad I couldn't get a single viewable memory of it D:

As I was saying before, I finished my Chem exam and was on my way home. When we passed the basketball court I saw a recognisable figure, Afdal, and one more. I had no clue who he was, because he moved about like a mouse and therefore seemed short. I thought he was a kid, but then confirmed in my head that it was definitely Fajar, and I was right. When I reached my house I looked at the swimming pool and found a huge huddle of people and was amazed. As I stepped out the car I glanced at someone who I knew was Boey and found a blur of hijab-ed girls, but I stared at one certain figure for longer than 5 seconds and from far away could tell the figure was staring back.

I don't know why, but I felt left out so I went inside and stayed there 'til Isya, 6:30, planning to go to Hamzah's house to deliver something and then walking back together so I wouldn't feel weird. It backfired, so I went off to the court alone. Afdal and Fajar were still playing basketball; when I passed, Fajar called out 'Bi-es~' in a lighthearted tone and inside I felt happy things were alright but out loud I said strictly something like 'Eh Fajar, ke Musholla dong! Sholat dulu!' then I told him about the kid thing. I looked at his hand and didn't find the ring on, then after talking to Afdal his fist suddenly appeared with it there and he said 'Toss dulu' before going to the Musholla, and so we did. When we part, things like that will never happen anymore.

I then rang the Musthofa household and found Farah, only. After giving me Elok Kuis *bursts into laughter* just incase I'd be bored, she told me to look for everyone else by myself and I had a hunch they were on the roof so I climbed up and I was right. No wonder Farah was alone, she's probably too scared to go up XD Nisa, Dhea, Bams, Boey and Abid were playing cards. Boring! Plus I didn't belong there. So I went back down, and then the other boys appeared. I speculated Hamzah's 'crimson chin', which I told Fajar Hamzah told me about and we both started laughing and laughing, ignoring Farah's comment about kasian ah Hamzah sakit malah diketawain. He even said that Umar laughed at the joke too, and demonstrated. Then Umar demonstrated how Hamzah fell and it was so cool. We told Hamzah to grow another bruise so it would look like a butt chin. We sang out the Crimson Chin phrase and talked about Timmy Turner and then Phineas and Ferb, I think. I mentioned my exam at one time and Fajar asked 'oh yeah, how was your exam?' and I said 'tumben nanya' and explained but I don't think he listened after. I was really surprised and glad.

Farah had KFC problems 'cause she called the guy at Maghrib but he never came. The twins started walking away and so did we, Fajar and Khalid trailing along also, wondering why the hell are we going this way? and I said Idk, I just felt like following them. I think Farah disappeared all of a sudden 'cause I don't remember talking to Fajar about our Karaoke night with her there. I brought it up when Hamzah said he wanted to Karaoke, and Fajar AGAIN thought I was showing off. I think it's because I was fawning over how Umar took over the mic and all. He wished he was there. He didn't want to be in Indo. He shouldn't have been T_T I would've performed cartwheels if he stayed.

On our way to the Isyna household, me, Khalid, Fajar and Farah talked about the Sanlat a bit. Then we mentioned how Khalid replaces Hamzah in the old F4 group thing as of that moment. Afterwards we rang the twins and told 'em to come out and they persuaded Ali to go out too. Hamzah brought out his keyboard and we did stupid and sok-rockstar poses with it [yours truly Fajar], then he played Fur Elise; Fajar and Umar kept randomly pressing keys and it annoyed me. Hamzah played it well. Farah left around 10 minutes later 'cause she had to deal with the KFC, but I stayed because I wanted to. I'm glad I did because I had fun there. Again I felt belonging. Being the only girl was weird though, so I hid next to their house when the parents walked out the door, Fajar wondering wth i was doing. We talked about more TV shows and when Fajar sang out the stuff he was so tone-deaf. Dasa, Ocha, Salmaniye and Fadhli soon appeared and I was squealing over Dasa as I always do. We suddenly ranted on about Soul Eater and a secret, with aho ushi intruding all the time. That little boy kept pushing my shoulder tapi malah kena 'itu' and I complained. After that out of the blue Fajar lightly hit my arm and looked at me [ugh he's too tall] and I was like what? and he was like nothing. Then after talking some more Dasa pushed me again but on the other 'itu' and I complained again, saying 'why do guys hit me?! I'm a girl!' and also protecting myself; Fajar who witnessed both accidents said to Dasa 'enak banget sih' with a non-joking face but a 'heh' kind of laugh. WTF! Oh yeah, Farah came back sometime later I think. And someone said 'Boys like hitting Bs' but I forgot who it was.

Dasa wanted to show me something through his USB so we went to my house, Farah going back. I had no idea what it was because the entire process was g jelas so I went outside again and Hamzah suggested this Umbrella photoshoot thing and I went you gotta be kidding me man. In my head though. Soon I told the guys to move away 'cause my mom didn't like noise, so we transferred ourselves to Fajar's house. By the way he showed me his Soul Eater calendar and it was pure love. I thought he was gonna give it to me but he didn't. D: In front of the door Khalid and Fadhli and maybe Salmaniye played cards. Umar and Fajar ate Lays and they were like dogs [Fajar compared me to a dog earlier so I shot back then]. They told me about how in the morning when they were footballing there was only 1 bag of chips left and they grabbed 2 handfuls and gobbled it all up. I watched Umar eat in such a manner. Oh yeah, Fajar even invited me to come to the park on Friday mornings :D

To be continued. XD

Advanced Satisfaction

AS - Advanced Subsidiary.

I just noticed how mornings are pretty quiet now. I remember how Umar and Fajar used to be online from 5AM all the time, specially in Ramadan, Fajar asking me to play RO and then us 3 having great adventures 'til Friday prayer preparation. Damn, makes me wanna see all the 6000 screenshots I took. But well, we all need our own times of solitude. I just have too much already to handle more. Anyhow on Wednesday Fajar suggested that we start that game all over again, and I told him we should do so after our exams are done. That would be really great.

I had my Maths at 11:30, felt cool and confident 'cause that's the kind of person I wanna be, maybe. I felt something weird on my left hand and it came from my ring finger. Then I realised that it was because I didn't have my ring on. So did the finger feel... alone? Lol wtf. The area where the ring goes keeps giving a strong pulse and it's warmer than the other parts. Weird. I think that finger is too attached to the ring. Anyway the exam was fine, except like 3 part-questions that got me stumped. Probably lost 6 marks already for sure. You had to be a logical and strategic person to figure the method out, which is not fair because I can't think logic or come up with strategies.

At home I was practically a stressed person like Hamzah. Frantically searched for answers in the internet for past papers, but the website never loaded. I was so effed up, but then Hamzah showed me his fall video and I fell in love with it. I even involved Cania in my panic, ordering her to screenshot this and that. Sorry Cania. I tried to get Fajar's attention, blabbing all sorts of things to his MSN 'cause his status is always Away and I never know why he never answers or greets anymore since Thursday. I just wanted to hear something from him. But then again, how do you expect attention from an ignorant person?

I crammed all sorts of information into my perhaps small brain in the last 15 minutes before going in. The paper looked friendly. They used happy fonts and the boxes were round and stuff :D Cute. I finished all the questions but lost 1.25% already because I had no time to check over it, padahal gila obvious banget. That was the easiest AS Chemistry paper I've ever done. Not sure about the grades though. I wanna get at least a B, amin. I waited for my parents out the front gate and saw all the 5 Mohammeds in my class shuffling about and saying stuff about the exam and it sounded as if they were mad at each other, as usual. XD I couldn't help but snicker and try not to let them hear me. They're sooo funny.

K, the next entry's about what happened at night. I feel like separating them so the entry isn't so long (:

Days Like These

Greetings, readers, if any.

Well, straight to the point, on Tuesday after school I was so busy talking to Fajar and Umar and Cania that I delayed my presence at the Photography club. Hamzah was being his stressed self, just like in the CC outing we had last month, ordering me to 'come on' and hurry up. When we reached Sabbagh had 1 more pass and it felt like some trivial game show. There were so many girls. But then 2 boys came over and she decided to put us all in the waiting list. I doubt anyone would quit though. Carisa got the last pass. Cania went over to Magazine but I wasn't bothered so me and Hamzah went home. I wasted life in CC and didn't get the shoes I wanted 'cuz my mom disapproved of the checkers design. Padahal keren banget.

Wednesday was a really good day. 3pm onwards however, I felt like a mess. After school, after checking out everyone's reports, I was frantically deciding whether I should take after-school Maths or not. Hamzah said that if it's for the sake of my exam then go, so I did. Fajar told me Adam wanted to teach him to play the guitar and I asked why not Umar and he said Umar is not bothered. Great friendship! I wanted Carisa to join meh but she had to go home.
On my way out the Girls' Block I saw Umar talking to Owen and Fajar. When Fajar saw me he offered to punch fists that have our rings on 'em. He wears it everyday like myself, and on the ring finger too, cept me on the left hand and he on the right.

We 3 walked together from the Boys' Block 'til the Masjid, Khalid and Hafizh and Fadhli way ahead of us, for we took our time and lasted the moment of an uncommon trio [Me, Fajar, Umar]. They told me about Music club, how Adam decided to jam with Arif instead of teaching him, so all they did was watch or something. It was funny, and I think they did jam gestures XD I asked Umar to play Your Guardian Angel but he kept failing 'cause the guitar slips on his pants. He tried though. Fajar was singing the 1st 2 lines, 'When I see your smile, tears run down my face', and his voice sounded nice. I haven't heard him sing since May/April. Afterwards I decided to hold the bottom of the guitar for Umar and we walked as he played for a bit, Fajar on my right blabbing away. That was still at the edge of the school's fence.

Then they talked about teachers, how Earl has a nasty temper but Umar likes the scarf she wore yesterday or something xD. Then suddenly me and Fajar talked about our sok-secret group 'Us' and our enemy 'Them'. Fajar asked Umar if he is part of 'Us' or 'Them' and Umar was like wtf are you guys talking about? and we explained how we are in Us, bla3. So after asking again, Umar decided to be with Us. Yay. From that white building onwards, we had a stupid discussion of something like whether we say 'Them are' or 'Them is', things like that. Talking with guys is so carefree.

I sat down in front of the entrance in wait for them to finish, working on my Chemistry. Beforehand, I thought about how I loved what happened just before we landed in the Masjid. I wanted more happy moments like that, because at school I always feel alone. I don't really care about that anymore - used to it, but letting time pass just walking and talking together with my special friend and a far-to-reach one makes me feel so belonging.

I looked up and saw Fajar tiptoeing to me checking if the car is here, but I got the impression he was wondering what I was doing 'cause he looked at the paper on my lap which was study notes and asked 'what's that?' before going back in. When they were done I showed Umar a song through my mobile but that's when the car came. Tante Ita told me Om Hanif is gonna be joining so I'd have to sit at the back later :D Umar started strumming in his guitar playing all sorts of songs and I listened. Tante Ita is a big fan of YGA XD We all sang, and she sang along too. The conversations were mostly about performances i.e. Umar playing in Int'l day or something and Fajar [or any other good singer] singing.

At the office we had to wait like 15 minutes, but it felt like an hour. Fajar was singing Kisah Cintaku to show Umar and so did I. He said something about how he'd need an electric guitar to play this 'cause he has acoustic and that's when Tante Ita offered Umar to buy one. 'Impress your father', she said, with those ESQ fist cheers. When the man of the car came, I moved to the back and Fajar borrowed my mobile to listen to stuff. I was drawing and listening to them talk, occasionally commenting. The entire trip was focused on Children's Shows. It was such a stuuuuuuuuupid convo XD They sang the theme song of Barney and talked about how gay Tinky-Winky is for having a red purse, how they thought Noo-Noo is like an elephant, Steve's green clothes. We even said the indonesian translations of Dora the Explorer XD Sigh, so fun. It was destroyed when Fajar replied Om Hanif with a critical comment and a relaxed face.

That's when the 'Dia Rela Banget' entry comes in. It's understandable right? So I don't have to explain. At home I felt miserable and didn't bother enough to study, just immersed myself in MSN chats. I had a meaningful one with Fajar, and I was grateful so my sorrow ended.

On Thursday I felt neutral, was kinda excited for Badminton though. But after school turns out there wasn't any due to AS Exams. I walked with Fajar to the arch and talked about greenbag, disappointed. The convo stopped abruptedly with him having a sour face but we continued walking side by side anyway. Later on the wannabe Badminton-ers had a discussion and ordered each other to ask someone. Fajar was dragged by Iwan to go home before we even had the chance. Hamzah told me to ask and I commented him about his wimpiness and all. He, I, Umar and CC then looked for a P.E. teacher. When Firth appeared Umar rushed over and asked. Sigh, he looked like a hero.

After that me and Hamzah walked to Nisa and Farah and talked about something, on our way to the car too. In that vehicle I simply listened to music and stared out the window, as what I always do, except for that Wednesday. MSN felt really lonely [prolly 'cause Fajar didn't say anything] and Hamzah was being lame and Matar was occupied with stuff. But then Farah invited me to play outside and so we did. We saw a picture of a 57 year old tall man in the newspaper and wanted to show the guys but didn't bring it along, sadly.

When we got to my side of the compound, Fadhli, Hamzah and Fajar appeared from behind Nisa's tree. My brain suddenly recalled the past, and I was overwhelmed for being there. The weather was cool and I didn't need my sweater at all. We called Umar and Khalid out and stood in front of the Isyna household talking about height, me and Farah explaining the newspaper picture and comparing Fajar to him. XD I think my comments stabbed that guy though. Eventually the subject of kempo came too. Everything was all random from there, but I was just really glad to play outside with everyone again. We are older now, so Hide & Seek or catchers isn't really our thing, but well, as long we're together, I don't care.

Maghrib rose and me, Farah, Fajar and Khalid talked about Khalid's mysterious PM whilst traveling [sp?] home. Then Fajar went home and we showed Khalid the newspaper picture XD Then on the way back to my house, we showed Hamzah and Umar. I attempted to do some Chemistry but also chatted, enticed with my Arya convo, and Nisa's [which she said entice was a long word]. I slept at 10 I think, woke up at 6:20 [dammit] and the normal life cycle starts again.