Have you ever had someone in your mind all the time but didn't know why?
I thought the answer was simple - because you love them, duh. That kinda love. Makes sense. That's why for the first week I stayed in the US I've been thinking of the same person 24/7, day and night, morning and evening, you name it. And I knew why. It's common. It gave me a continuous warm feeling and I liked it, I kept it that way. I'm 17, had puberty for 4.5 years, so I believe it's OK to think about love in a more serious way than an age 4 years younger than now 'cause it's not like I do anything about it. That person in my mind, he's far away, but so what? The feelings stay the same.
Then the 9th August Nightmare came.
You got an sms from her and showed it to me. It said no, don't go back to Bs, I don't want you to be happy with her. It was incomplete and you told me she sent an e-mail so I rushed over to the upstairs of the mall and hurriedly checked my mail but it didn't work. I went back to you and started interrogating you but they were around, our other friends. Needing privacy, I held your hand and we ran and ran to find it, we stumbled across the mothers along the way tripping over random pieces of furniture. You said, 'the mothers saw us holding hands!' but didn't let go anyway, we didn't care. There was finally a spot - there were the boys, but it's not like they're interested in our conversation so we lied down and had a long talk. I don't remember the words we spoke of, but as soon as someone took notice of us, we had to leave again. You sat down on the stairs and that's when I saw it - you were wearing a ring, on your ring finger. And the face you had with it was so proud and loving. What happened right after is a blur to me, but you had to go home. I received an sms from you: I think we'll never be friends again. It was because of that girl... your girlfriend. I immediately opened up MSN in a nearby computer station and saw you online. I had to set things out straight, 'cause that can't be happening, what happened to friends forever? But the line disconnected. So with all my might I rushed home and signed in and opened up a chat with you and... it all ended.
It's been 12 days, ever since I've had that dream thoughts of the person gradually increased day by day by day and now pieces of the former are scattered around unlike before. The feeling is different, it's not that kinda love, not a bit. So what is it? I don't understand at all. It's not normal to think about such a person constantly, it's not normal to have your heart beat so fast just 'cause you saw a tiny hint of them somewhere, it's actually crazy - I think I'm the only one in the world with this problem. This is where I don't know the answer to my question up there. I don't know why he's in my mind all the time.
Maybe it's true, that distance makes the heart grow fonder
but what about you?
but what about you?
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