Bestest Friend in the World

Change that to n e v e r D;

As much as you guys enjoyed the previous entry, I have to sadly say that this one might not be of your liking. Since he was my bestest friend in the world, do you really expect me not to make an entry about him?

Let my start by saying that last night I had a dream that we were in a foreign country that looked like Indonesia but... Yeah. I was with my family and we were walking out of a wooden building and gonna cross the road to this mall which was deserted. Suddenly policemen started yelling to everyone [who were on the roads, which were in front of the mall] LEAVE THIS COUNTRY, EVACUATE, NOW! and I was scared to death and thought the end of the world was coming. It really was creepy and the sky was dark too. But oddly enough my family ran down the escalator. After that escalator there was a MAZE of escalators and loads of people were on them too. Images of FBI grabbing this old lady appeared in my head and it told me that the lady was the President of the country. We were trying to find some sort of safe spot and when I saw one of the doors or something it said that Cania Dwisani Antariksa was missing but they already found her LOL. Funny enough we found the Antariksas by the bathroom where we hid. We asked what's wrong and all and got an explanation [idk from who] that the President was too old to serve the country, so... I started hearing chopping noises. Chop chop chop. Turns out the FBI people were executing that old lady President =\ That was it, creepy huh?

Anyway the point of this post is just to talk about us, which I won't go into as much paragraphs as what I initially wanted 'cause I have to learn to get over it properly. This week, since I got my period [and you know how girls are when they get it] I've been thinking a LOT about him lately. Usually when I hear nostalgic songs and think about the past he doesn't come up much but this week he had =\ I know Hamzah has been proud of me for not caring about him which is why I never mentioned him in my chats 'cause then he'll think I'm pathetic again but I'm not... It's just a phase~
Well basically I've lived over a month without making memories with him and I must admit life did lose some of its spark. Now whenever CC and Hamzah aren't online I feel so lonely - unless if I fangirl that is - 'cause if we weren't in this state we'd be chatting or playing RO and I wouldn't feel as lonely anymore. By the way this only applies this period week and 5% when I'm normal. I just can't believe I totally lost a friend, I mean none of you has ever been through that right? You drift away from a friend but you still talk to them right? But we're so different, we don't talk at all, we ignore each other all the time we play outside or gather and show no signs of ever getting back together. Once when I went to DnF's house after not having seen people for a week or something I saw him inside and realised he existed. I totally forgot about him. It's like we were never friends in the first place. There's this quote that goes A friendship that can end never really began. Does that mean all the memories we had shouldn't matter now? Nowadays when I look at him or whenever Matar talks to me about him, despite the boy seeming cheerfully and randomly Fajar as I've always known him, I can't help but to know or notice that he's missing something, and my gut feeling wants to admit it's me. He always seems bored and he never talks to girls at school anymore unlike the times when I was still his most important person aside from his family. He chats with Farah now but I just don't see anything between them that is worthy to keep. He begs for someone to play RO with him and if I did we'd be laughing and enjoying ourselves and he wouldn't need anyone else, 'cause I'll be there for him. I wish he'd realise he needs me back =\ He DOES, according to condition. But according to raw immature feelings, he doesn't.

Sometimes I wonder whether I should forget about everything or not. What's the point in remembering the memories of a friend you'll never talk to again? I won't be able to chat with him like in October or something and say hey Fajar do you remember this and that 'cause from the looks of it he doesn't want me back =\. I mean I'll obviously remember my memories with Matar 'cause I know we'll continue communicating in the future but Fajar? Is there really any use?
We were close friends for a few years but then became the best of friends. and I really mean best. We were siblings, like totally related and even though we fought 17 times as far I remember we still admitted we were best friends. That position in each other's hearts were the most important thing to us. Until now that is. I didn't the least bit talk to him in school as much as I do with Hamzah but whenever we do it felt special. Our overall friendship was special. Any single event that happened where we were playing together felt so memorable and significant, despite us not always by each other like we always wanted. We talked and chatted about our past and our future and our feelings so many times I'm sure I can open a log or blog entry and immediately find something related to that. Whenever we're separated or someone got in the way we always needed each other to be there, or to be back. We weren't afraid to admit we missed each other or say You're my bestest friend. I want to be really honest and say that he was the best friend that made me most feel the part. I'll never get such a unique and special friendship like that again. It felt like a Shoujo Manga. If only a happy ending can happen instead.

Now tell me, should I just stop remembering it all?