Cheer Up, Emo Kid

Title dedicated to Fajar ;)

Please just put your focus on the guy at the centre <3

Today is the last day of May. The 4 weeks are decreasing... D:

I woke up at 9 today, miraculously. I got up so reluctantly and mom was leaving so I didn't have to study so soon. Turned on the TV and there was Battle of the Pop on Channel V so I sat there watching it for like an hour, tick tock. Then I turned on the laptop and stupidly decided to play RO for a bit, sometimes checking up on Channel V. Before I knew it it was 11:30 and I took a shower. I got hungry so I ate and watched Zack and Cody, ugh. DBSK won. At 1:30 I finally studied. I was already raided by a Fajar convo but I kept studying 'til 2:30, woo. Then I chatted for a bit and continued studying 'til 2:56, which was Asar. After that I got caught up with Facebook and chatting and later in evening and night, Twitter.

I went sorta emo at 8 or something after my convo with Fajar T~T Since evening I've been calm, relaxed and cheerful when replying to his rants but at night I ikut2an sedih juga @___@;; There were 2 external influences [1 got over with after an hour] but the other is a secret which I won't tell anyone. Plus it's such a stupid reason. I major twitted to relieve the sorrow but it didn't really help heh -___-;

I like you more than I intended

So, tomorrow is June! I hope something good can happen, amin.
By the way I feel tad better already, haha~ Being a non-pessimist helps return your sense of neutralism back faster you know (Y) READ THAT, EMO KIDS? I expect normal terms with Fajar tomorrow *stares*

Hey you, best friend is better than crush, OK? (Y)
Cheer up man, you've got me. Well sorry it's me, not you know who. Sorry I can't give you the compliments you want. But I can lend you an ear if you want someone to listen to you, and be there if you're ever alone :D

Keledai Bertabrakan

Microwafe.

I am here to type about the 30th of May 2009, but it's already the 31st and I should be asleep 'cause I'll end up waking up at 11AM+ again but I find sleep a total waste of time. I wish my parents would wake me up earlier =\

Well anyway big news today, me and Fajar are friends again. Cania, I wonder if you noticed 'cause in RO we spoke to each other but you didn't say anything about it xD I wonder what Umar thought too O: Basically he saw my previous blog entry and started a chat, uhh syania, and realised how I missed him which he found rather sweet and said sorry as usual. I asked for his honest reason for our make up and he said it's because he felt sorry for me, heh -__-; But that shows he has a heart, right? And if he really hated me he wouldn't even feel sorry at all. I said that it's sad how he only wants to be my friend again 'cause of sympathy but then he said g lahh, I'm bored too and alone, ALONE! but there's zombies around me [he was playing RO]. I didn't really mind his reason 'cause we played together in RO and when everyone else was offline we had those talks and turns out he's still the same old miserable Fajar I talked to in April. When Umar went online we immediately said 'ok stop the end' xD Ahh, it feels so lega to communicate with him again, you know? Now there's no more tension, no more getting teary when remembering those old times when I listen to sad music. Although I hardly see him anymore likewise with everyone else, I hope we continue to keep this bond just as good as it was before we ignored each other (Y) Amin.

Now I don't have to worry about anything else anymore besides the fact that I'm moving .__.;;which is the biggest worry of all, duh. Since people are leaving on the 26th+, I have like nearly 4 more weeks to make happy memories with them [which will be hard 'cause of exams and study leaves]. Of course I can make more in Indonesia but my time there is limited from 7th of July 'til the 23rd 'cause when my dad comes at the latter date I can't go out anymore. I'm going to the US on the 2nd of August I think, college starts on the 25th. Can you guys believe that you'll have a friend in college? Well there's MD but you guys are closer to me anyway xD Rephrase, can you believe that you'll have a friend in college in the WEST? Since Dhe3 going to Berklee is possible [if she prefers, that is (Y)], I'll say that I wish I can drag CC and Hamzah along T~T [no chances for Fajar -__-] Specially you Hamzah 'cause you really want to go here xD I don't know whether to be sad 'cause I'm moving so soon or to just ignore it for a month and focus on my exams [AS IF] and have fun with the remaining days I have with you beloved Sekompond and branches. Sometimes I feel sad about that but most of the time I feel cheerful, which is good right? I don't feel emo or depressed or stressed anymore [alhamdulillah]. Exams seem kinda blah to me [which is bad]. I think I've passed the sad teenager days ;O. Now I just have to grow up to become a young lady, 'cause 17 is the time for that age (Y).

Today I woke up at 11:30 as I think some of you know. I started playing RO at 1:00/1:30 which was when the twins had to go for tutoring [ugh bad timing] but when me and Fajar were in good terms so we played together. Then at 2:30 or something there was a freaking BLACK OUT and my laptop's batteries are assholes and need electricity to stay on so they went off. That black-out lasted 'til 3:30. I WASTED 1 HOUR OF MY LIFE JUST WAITING FOR ELECTRICITY TO COME BACK ON @______@ AND DO YOU KNOW HOW HOT IT WAS?!? I kept shouting in the house, 'I WANT ELECTRICITY', 'AHH IT'S SO HOT I NEED THE AC'. While waiting I read my Memory Book from Year 8 and watched Super Junior videos with Ocha and kept LAUGHING at Eeteuk, Heechul and Sungmin. When the beauty that is electricity [DON'T TAKE IT FOR GRANTED PEOPLE] came back I played with Fajar again for a bit. Then the twins came back and I was with Hamzah for a while but omg the aura was SO QUIET. Hamzah you've never been that quiet in RO -__-;; Anyway I was like talking to myself but thank God CC came to the rescue not long after. We totally spammed the game [Carisa couldn't join us] 'til Maghrib~ It was quite entertaining (Y) But yesterday's game was a lot more fun =p
At night I couldn't care less to study [and Chemistry is my worst subject, remember those E's and U's I got for my Unit 2 test] so I just chatted with Fajar. He told me not to watch 2 Girls 1 Cup [which we ranted over yesterday] 'cause it was dosa and he kept saying DOOONT BS, DOOOOONT, DOSA DOSA DOSA -.-. Bla. He told me to kill my curiosity. BUT I HAVE TO WATCH IT OK, JUST THE FIRST FEW SECONDS IS ENOUGH 'cause I don't think I can survive through disgusting things [I tend to wanna vomit easily]. From how he talked I could totally sense that he's glad to be friends with me again t2h. It was surprising to see him go to bed at 10pm. Now let's hope tomorrow I can study (Y) Oh yeah and I need to make a Study Leave entry.

It's nearly 1:00 now, so I better sleep >__>;;

p.s. Ever since yesterday I've been getting butterflies (Y).

Bestest Friend in the World

Change that to n e v e r D;

As much as you guys enjoyed the previous entry, I have to sadly say that this one might not be of your liking. Since he was my bestest friend in the world, do you really expect me not to make an entry about him?

Let my start by saying that last night I had a dream that we were in a foreign country that looked like Indonesia but... Yeah. I was with my family and we were walking out of a wooden building and gonna cross the road to this mall which was deserted. Suddenly policemen started yelling to everyone [who were on the roads, which were in front of the mall] LEAVE THIS COUNTRY, EVACUATE, NOW! and I was scared to death and thought the end of the world was coming. It really was creepy and the sky was dark too. But oddly enough my family ran down the escalator. After that escalator there was a MAZE of escalators and loads of people were on them too. Images of FBI grabbing this old lady appeared in my head and it told me that the lady was the President of the country. We were trying to find some sort of safe spot and when I saw one of the doors or something it said that Cania Dwisani Antariksa was missing but they already found her LOL. Funny enough we found the Antariksas by the bathroom where we hid. We asked what's wrong and all and got an explanation [idk from who] that the President was too old to serve the country, so... I started hearing chopping noises. Chop chop chop. Turns out the FBI people were executing that old lady President =\ That was it, creepy huh?

Anyway the point of this post is just to talk about us, which I won't go into as much paragraphs as what I initially wanted 'cause I have to learn to get over it properly. This week, since I got my period [and you know how girls are when they get it] I've been thinking a LOT about him lately. Usually when I hear nostalgic songs and think about the past he doesn't come up much but this week he had =\ I know Hamzah has been proud of me for not caring about him which is why I never mentioned him in my chats 'cause then he'll think I'm pathetic again but I'm not... It's just a phase~
Well basically I've lived over a month without making memories with him and I must admit life did lose some of its spark. Now whenever CC and Hamzah aren't online I feel so lonely - unless if I fangirl that is - 'cause if we weren't in this state we'd be chatting or playing RO and I wouldn't feel as lonely anymore. By the way this only applies this period week and 5% when I'm normal. I just can't believe I totally lost a friend, I mean none of you has ever been through that right? You drift away from a friend but you still talk to them right? But we're so different, we don't talk at all, we ignore each other all the time we play outside or gather and show no signs of ever getting back together. Once when I went to DnF's house after not having seen people for a week or something I saw him inside and realised he existed. I totally forgot about him. It's like we were never friends in the first place. There's this quote that goes A friendship that can end never really began. Does that mean all the memories we had shouldn't matter now? Nowadays when I look at him or whenever Matar talks to me about him, despite the boy seeming cheerfully and randomly Fajar as I've always known him, I can't help but to know or notice that he's missing something, and my gut feeling wants to admit it's me. He always seems bored and he never talks to girls at school anymore unlike the times when I was still his most important person aside from his family. He chats with Farah now but I just don't see anything between them that is worthy to keep. He begs for someone to play RO with him and if I did we'd be laughing and enjoying ourselves and he wouldn't need anyone else, 'cause I'll be there for him. I wish he'd realise he needs me back =\ He DOES, according to condition. But according to raw immature feelings, he doesn't.

Sometimes I wonder whether I should forget about everything or not. What's the point in remembering the memories of a friend you'll never talk to again? I won't be able to chat with him like in October or something and say hey Fajar do you remember this and that 'cause from the looks of it he doesn't want me back =\. I mean I'll obviously remember my memories with Matar 'cause I know we'll continue communicating in the future but Fajar? Is there really any use?
We were close friends for a few years but then became the best of friends. and I really mean best. We were siblings, like totally related and even though we fought 17 times as far I remember we still admitted we were best friends. That position in each other's hearts were the most important thing to us. Until now that is. I didn't the least bit talk to him in school as much as I do with Hamzah but whenever we do it felt special. Our overall friendship was special. Any single event that happened where we were playing together felt so memorable and significant, despite us not always by each other like we always wanted. We talked and chatted about our past and our future and our feelings so many times I'm sure I can open a log or blog entry and immediately find something related to that. Whenever we're separated or someone got in the way we always needed each other to be there, or to be back. We weren't afraid to admit we missed each other or say You're my bestest friend. I want to be really honest and say that he was the best friend that made me most feel the part. I'll never get such a unique and special friendship like that again. It felt like a Shoujo Manga. If only a happy ending can happen instead.

Now tell me, should I just stop remembering it all?

High School Does End

Title edited from Bowling for Soup's 'High School Never Ends' =p I only listened to that song once and never did again. LAUGHS.

So, this is my entry about the 7 years I've spent in Qatar International School, the school I've stayed in the longest, the school where I watched people come and go, the school where loads of significant memories happened. Beware it's going to be long, and I think none of you know most of what I'm going to type below. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed remembering it =p *LOL I sound like an author.

Year 6
I remember wearing those hideous pinafores. I also wore socks up to my knees. Jozali and Yacout were new kids like me. My first friend was Maduka aka Madusa, and not long after that I met Leila and we became the best of friends. Simply because one day I was drawing Cardcaptor Sakura in breaktime and Leila went over and asked 'You know CCS?' and I said 'Yeah' and we started talking. People used to gather around me 'cause I drew. Me, Madusa, Leila and another girl called Hanan were a group and we called ourselves BCGFF, aka Best Cool Girl Friends Forever. It was the gayest thing I've ever been a part of but we realised that in year 8. Quran and Arabic were the funniest times, we called Touseef a frog 'cause he kept hopping in class and I always got in trouble. I think Tahan aka Nashasheebi now threw a pen at us once. Whenever there's Arabic A me and the Arabic C gang go to Year 1 to help out. I also found my 'twin', Feras, he had the same birthday as me and was only 3 hours younger. He was a huge pervert, I remember when Ms. Waller left the class he stood on the desk and started dancing and talking about pen15es. He got in trouble and cried after Woodhouse scolded him. He was also the one that taught me what sex is. We were really good friends. I think one time he hit me with a ruler and I nearly cried, it was so dumb. I was close with people called Soraya, Leila, Maduka, Danial, Feras and Zored. I forgot who else. I'd write some more sentences but I'll stop there =\

Year 7
Me and Leila were in the same tutor group and became even closer. I think in my 1st English lesson we had to do this elevator drama and that's where I met Rula, my 2nd best friend in junior high. She wasn't shy at all and was such a good actress. After a while me, Leila and Rula became a trio and every birthday, Eid al Fitr and Eid al Adha we would give each other presents. ALWAYS. But I hardly bought things, I always made them with my own hands, like this paper notebook I made for Leila that I designed myself. My friendship with them is the closest I've ever felt to ones in TV [girl ones, that is]. By the way, this year I liked Danial, but I didn't tell anyone.

Year 8
The difference from last year was that we had 3 new people called Mizah, Amanda and Jennifer, plus it was a lot more social and fun. We became close with Mizah 'cause of what me and Leila did in Arabic. We learned the word 'pin' in arabic, which was dabbabah, and the plural was dababees. You do NOT know how much we laughed at that word. It really was the funniest arabic word I've heard. One day Mizah sat in front of us and Leila started pushing her chair and saying 'Dababeeeeees' over and over again and that's how Mizah got her nickname - Dababees. Yes, we called her pins. She was malaysian by the way. On my first day of Year 8 I got scolded by my tutor called Abdallah, who our gang mock her as 'Lardo', just because I said 'what?' instead of 'excuse me' when she called my name. Leila made that for her. Lardo was FAT and stupid. And a useless art teacher. One morning she sat on a chair and it literally BROKE and the class had to stop themselves from laughing. The Lardo defended herself by saying 'Oh it was already wobbly' bla3 but that didn't stop Leila from telling everyone in school [she was extremely popular and had loads of admirers]. Me and Mizah made an Anti-Lardo Campaign in Geography when we were passing notes, the teacher left the year after though 'cause she found a dude or something [my sympathies for him]. We had such sucky teachers like Abdallah, and Stevens, who made Leila fall asleep 2x in Geo, plus Stubbs, the dude whose armpit kept showing dark stains and has an annoying voice and finally our constantly changing English teachers Puig [she had a strong Indian/whatever accent and got fired 'cause she taught bad] and Giambuzzi [we finally had Waller's husband after those failures]. Maths chronicles were the best though 'cause we always got in trouble but I won't go into detail 'cause my trio started making Memory Books of times since Year 7 and I don't want this entry to be TOO long. I still have them. Oh yes, I had a major crush on Dkun aka D*niaji and he knew 'cause of a stupid prank Valentine me and Leila did. The entire Year knew -__-;; I became friends with Leila's 3 admirers Luay, Salim and Abdulrahman [Salim left just this Year 12 term 3] - yeah, they all had a crush on her, OK. I was closest with Abdulrahman who I started calling Abdy, and we even began talking on the phone together [maximum 2 hours] and chatting loads. He helped me concerning Dkun problems a lot and was such a great pal. I stopped being friends with Luay after a while 'cause we kept fighting and same with Salim too. I had a crush on Abdy for a month in February. Oh yes, I got lots of detentions from Lardo too (Y) That's all for Year 8, there's just too much to type about that I wish I can tell all of you but I can't.

Year 9
This year was the awesomest I think 'cause we only had happy memories and not annoying ones like last year. I don't remember any sucky teachers. There was Ripton. It was in his Geography class that I learnt what a condom was. I made my notebook very colourful and pretty and he once called Rula a goat which made her hate him a lot. For English we had West, who we proclaimed as The Living Dead 'cause he was in the border of life and death. His lessons were our funeral but me and Leila sat at the back and always threw things to the front of the class and annoyed each other loads by dropping books and stationery to the ground and we never got in trouble. I stopped liking Dkun in March or something and somewhere after that stopped communicating with Abdy. I really forgot how. I met Fajar in February but that's not part of school. By the way Sammy came to QIS this year and someone else I think but I forgot. There were like 13 people in our group and we were such a pact, just like Cania's group now, but we were a whole lot immature and noisier than them. Overall it was an awesome year.

Year 10
I started highschool and the first bad thing about it was that Mizah, Leila, Jana, Khuloud and Amanda left QIS. I was devastated but thankful that Sammy, Madusa and Jenny were still around. This year I became friends with Saba, Iman and Shaza but more distant from Rula 'cause she hung out with the intellectual people, aka Majd's people. I also started to treasure home life [you know, Sekompond stuff] than school life 'cause it just wasn't the same as junior high. Unfortunately Jenny moved somewhere in Term 1 or Term 2. I became closer to Sammy at this stage, and we started calling each other Mother and Daughter and then Cania and Fajar arrived into the family. English with Eyre was the best thing that ever happened to me in lessons [yes it beat the unique classes from junior high] 'cause I just couldn't stop laughing and enjoying myself. Me and Rula were maniacs and always made jokes and the entire class always humour together. However it wasn't yet fun as like in Year 11. I remember in October I had the stairs incident, do you remember it Hamzah? I tripped on the stairs 'cause of my slippery shoes and he was next to me and a teacher was behind me and when she left Hamzah couldn't stop laughing. I started having a crush on him after a while but it was still immature. Year 10 school life was OK 'cause the people weren't as exciting but nothing bad ever happened, I think. Some of us also started going to IT2 on 2nd breaks and I think those 15 minutes of every school day were the happiest I had in school, with my home friends I mean. Oh I almost forgot, me, Matar, Hamzah, Dhe3 and Dhia joined German [and I will not talk about how Eichoefer is an idiot teacher with alien fashion style and kept boring our French class to tears] and that was the most awesome after-school activity I've ever been to in QIS, I think. We ate food and played games and there was Syamsul LOL. Ah, sad she left the next year. Or not.

Year 11
If you wanna read about my Year 11 life I have a blog of it, you know. It was the worst year of my life I kept admitting and now as I am in Year 12/graduated I disagree and agree. Agree because I was a helpless emo and stopped telling my problems to people and was literally sad everyday 'cause I kept fighting with Hamzah [who became my 1st love and I am not afraid to say that 'cause he's just my best friend now and I have a crush on someone else thank you] and disagree because I had beautiful memories when I wasn't fighting with him and ESPECIALLY with Fajar. But that's not part of school. School was a good witness for lots of things though. 'Specially IT2 sessions. I remember when Hamzah came in the class and gave me a poem drawing, do you remember? and I nearly cried. IT2 was my sanctuary. We were always in there playing games or just talking about anything. Me, Cania, Fajar, Hamzah and Umar were the regulars, but Umar had nothing to do with our fun. Turkey was in charge so we could do whatever we want. Oh how joyous those moments were. We also joined Robotics after me, Matar, Hamzah and Afif did like 1 or 2 lessons of Spanish LOL. English lessons got a lot more fun 'specially with our poetry mockery and Animal Farm jokes but I then found out Rula was leaving in Year 12 D: I gave Eyre a drawing on our last lesson but it was rushed and therefore ugly. I wonder if he still has it. Woman version of Eyre was my French teacher and she gave me and Shaza a detention padahal I was being honest and that totally pissed me off. For Geo we had Green and our lessons with him were my 2nd favourite but sadly he had to go in Term 2 or something and I nearly cried. Well, that's all I really wanna say about Year 11. I was still a genius.

Year 12
Well I made this blog when I started Year 12 so you obviously know what my school life is like. I shall type about my last 3 weeks of highschool and QIS though.

First of all me and Fajar never made up in those 3 weeks. I tried talking to him 2x on the first week but he wouldn't respond so I left him alone. In the beginning of the 3rd week however I tried settling things down by chatting with him one night but it went nowhere, then the next night we had the longest chat ever that went to The End. So yeah, we're not friends anymore and I was sad but I learnt to overcome it, a bit. I'm gonna make an entry about it later 'cause I'm itching to.
We had 1 photography activity and it was with Dhe3, Carisa and Hamzah [of course]. I forgot what our subject was but we had loads of fun and laughter. I forgot what about, though, as usual. I also had 2 primary activities in which Dhea didn't attend both so it was just me and Hamzah. This time it was indoors 'cause it was just too hot outside. The 1st time I just played with blocks and stuff with the kids and Hamzah was cooking with Riko LOL. The 2nd time we were bored of the toys so after playing a bit with the kids we sat down across each other on the kiddy chairs and as I was drawing and he was doing whatever we talked the entire time. We talked about secrets and definitely the future aka our difference in time zones and goals and stuffs and it had a sad aura to it but it was a fun and comfortable conversation. I think once he talked about how if he gets a scholarship to the US or was it become a musician? then I'll get to see him perform or something. I was totally sad about the separation idea and when I said that we have to meet again in the future, OK and Hamzah said of course we will [or something along those lines] I don't know how but I just had this gut feeling that I can believe him so I didn't question anymore. Aku percaya kamuu~ (8)
Since we already finished the syllabus in Term 2 classes were sort of free. Did I ever mention that I had to do a PPT with Fathy and we totally sucked? Well anyway lots of people were absent and therefore I sometimes was missing people to talk to -__-;;
In our last day of school I wore an annoying jacket vest thingy whatever and dreaded it. It wasn't that special or fun at all. In Chemistry we did one last titration and when we were done gathered a bit. Parry said we were an extreme pleasure to teach, of course. In the last 2 minutes I drew a picture for him [I only draw pictures to the teachers of my favourite lessons LOL] and everybody signed it (Y). Gonna miss Chemistry like hell. Last lesson we were given certificates in the Library and I got Miss Cartoon, how lame. I thought I was gonna get Miss Amazed but they changed it.
Aside from school, on the 24th of April I went to the Corniche for some person's separation thingy and I was hoping females would come but to my horror and a bit of delight, only the Isynas, Fajar and Fadhli came. Since I was the only girl I had limits aka not to spend too much time with the lads so when they went back to the picnic site I walked to the other side of the park to take pictures, alone, sigh. I met up with them as the sun set but Hamzah went away so I had no one to talk to. It was boring. IGCSE and accelerated people started taking Physics tutoring and that was a real disadvantage to me. I also began going to the gym but quit not long after.
I can't remember anything else.

Well I hope you were somehow amused by this entry, if you even read the entire thing. Thanks a lot if you do. QIS was a good school and I'm glad me and all my friends have been put there. I will terribly miss everything that's happened.
Don't ever hate school guys, when you're in my position later in life you'll be begging to stay. Make the most of it~

p.s. this entry was 2739 words long, no kidding.