we will never separated, me n u

Title quote a bad-grammared fidus Achates.

What? Another entry? Well I didn't want the other one to be supremely long plus this one's about Kempo so yeah :D At school nothing happened, me and Carisa didn't go Badminton-ing 'cause she was tired and all - I think I was in quite a bad mood too, specially at home 0.0 Yeah, because of the cold person I believe... and someone's ignorance from yesterday ); I overcame it later on though.

Anyhow us girls, Fadhli, Fajar and Khalid played outside for around 15 minutes today. DnF brought their cake and Ratatouille hats and we had fun with the cake one for it sang Happy Birthday and Fajar was being a clown with it. We talked about various things of which I already forgot about of course. We decided to Kempo, in the car us 4 and dad talked about our futures - a topic which I absolutely DESPISE especially 'cause I hate hearing how far apart me and Fajar will be and how different our paths are. Besides that horrendous subject we talked about teachers and other normal stuff - plus we listened to my music 8) Oh yeah, every minute or so Farah kept going 'Jar jar' and asking him a question and leaning forward 'cause he sits at the front. Eh jar, Fajar Fajar, Jar Jar Jar OMG do you know how fakin irritated I was? I won't go any further on that. And he answered all of her blabs! But well, not enthusiastically of course. I don't get why that boy never said 'Ah cerewet' or 'Tau dah' or ANYTHING of the sort like he used to do. Is he a softy to Farah now?!

The place was totally deserted. Well there were kids, and Khalid. Just Khalid. No more awesome Umar. *ignores Hamzah* WAAAAAAAEEEEEEEE?!? My watch strap ripped by the way. OK so, during warm-up I discovered that the speed of my walk is equal to the speed of Dhea's jogging. I TOTALLY LOL AT THAT. CC did not attend due to Carisa's sore throat whereas Dhe3.. Uhh Idk, she didn't know? I stood at the front next to Dhea; Farah and Fajar were behind me and I could hear the girl continously chattering at him and I really don't know whether I was annoyed or jealous. I wondered if me and Fajar will have the typical Kempo session we've had last time in 2008.

Well, alhamdulillah we did. When it was time for Kyu [we got Sensei Hadi], which consisted of only me, Farah, Dhea, Fajar and those Arabs, I stood at the front inbetween Dhea and the girl Arab whilst Fajar was behind me, Arab male parent behind Dhea and Farah behind girl Arab. Dhea ordered Fajar to switch places with her so it would be Male-Male but he refused and I went D: 'cause I thought he didn't wanna stand next to me and wanted to be beside Farah instead which resulted in more rage. My thoughts of Fajar are always wrong however [but that fact is 80% true].

Because [in essays and prose never start a sentence with this word OK?] after Sensei repeated Han Tenshin, Yoko Tenshin and Gyaku Tenshin or whatever-shins over again 'cause we were all totally lost, he suddenly said to work with our partners and that's when it clicked; I turned around and Fajar was already in stance grinning a little and I smirked: 'Have you known all this time?'. Well since then me and Fajar worked on our Tenshins and Uchi Uke Geri thing together. I failed to kick him and copy his demonstration as usual so he had to do it like in 10x slow motion xD Sigh, some things about us never change. It's always great fun being his partner. We showed off our elbow intensity, randomly punched each other and practised wrong and laughed at stupid things just like old Kempo times. Speaking of that, Farah is still at it, butting in our conversations and going Jar Jar like a chicken. She never leaves him... us... alone. At one time, she tried free-styling with Fajar, randomly kicking him but failing. Oh yes, when Sensei was using the Arab man for a demo, the man's ring stood out and I said 'The ring is shiny' and Fajar said 'Ooh shiny' one after the other spontaneously [although I forgot who said what] and we burst out laughing XDXD Very idiotic.

Turns out both Om Agus and Om Ali came so we all split up. OMG when we were sitting down drinking something highly irritating happened again but I won't mention it. On our way out Fajar was holding a flower and saying that it smelled good and I bent down to whiff it up but I couldn't so he handed it over to me and wow, it had a very sweet scent 0.0 I called him to give it back but he did a notion indicating I should keep it, so I did. I broke off the stem and leaves though x__x;; But the flower was safe :D At home I took photos of it [as you can see above] HAHA I know I'm so retarded but it was pretty and I guess I can consider it the first flower a guy gave me XDXD So why not, eh? Plus it's a memory of how nice that Kempo session was. :)

1234

There's only one way two say three words four you : I love you
Plain White T's - 1234 [ it's such a cute, feel-good song :) ]

Well anyway this entry is basically about school from the 23rd to the 25th. It was a very happy week but unfortunately nothing special enough and out-of-the-ordinary happened to be listed here. All I remembered was that Parry threw another test tube at Yacout and this time it hit the wall and all the bits of glass fell into into innocent Abdulrahman [who I used to call Abdy]'s bag and he spent some time clearing it all up xD Me and Hamzah had Primary as usual and in Photography club we did a lamez topic: Doubles then me and Carisa stalked someone HAHA. Everyday's 12:45pm-1pm session were very joyous too for I mingled with Fajar yayayay :D He talked about braces and kept forgetting to bring his phone's USB cable -__- The Parisians returned on Wednesday and Farah made a large deal out of the prank she did on Fajar and to be honest it annoyed the hell out of me. In Music club I talked with Fajar and Khalid for 15 minutes or so then resided with the girls - there was Arif and Adam. In the end when I was walking with Hamzah with Fajar and Umar in the front and Khalid much further something very interesting happened 0.0 But it's confidential ;D Someone was also being very cold to me, but it's been like that since the start of the week ._.

Well that's it, short eh? I lived in all those 3 days though.

O'Neil wrote this LOL. Do you get it?

I'm Talking About My Life Here

Behold all the unused CDs in my house.. Tis a shame

LOL I know this is epicly late but uhh Sunday the 22nd is worth talking about for there are no photos so here's an entry about it!

So I woke up at 6-ish 'cause Fajar wanted to play outside but then he smsed saying he wanted to wait for Umar so I slept again and at 7:20 I jolted up and got ready, left the house at 7:40 but they weren't there. I was too late -__-;; Pissed off, I went back inside and did normal laptop stuff and discovered that they were all [besides Hamzah 'cause he's an individualist like myself - or is he?] in the clubhouse 'cause Fajar uselessly smsed me. Meh, I didn't feel like going there ['specially as the only girl and with no activity], but that boy literally told me to 7x. Behold...

(09:33) | . T r e n t .: just come
(09:39) | . T r e n t .: come here
(09:43) | . T r e n t .: come here
(09:46) | . T r e n t .: get here then
(10:05) | . T r e n t .: get here and ask
(10:42) | . T r e n t .: so come here
(10:59) | . T r e n t .: rnt u gunna come heer

OK I find it pretty funny now but I still really appreciate it. Anyway Nisa finally came alive and we decided to go there, I brought my laptop in hopes I can get some ICT done [which I didn't]. Upon arrival, the idiot totally ignored me -__-;; He just talked to Nisa and the guys, ugh. I set up my laptop near Umar's and was totally reluctant about it - he knew about the dream I had yesterday and bla3. When I wanted to unplug the ... plug... thing, the socket made sparks and I got freaked out so I think I said to Umar/the guys, 'I'm scared, can any of you be a man and unplug this for me?' and that guy made no signs of generosity but Fajar casually plugged it off without a word glek. Cold kindness. Huzzah, Hamzah came afterwards and he set up his laptop next to mine and we tried to get connection and he succeeded and I failed in mass amounts - but I kept trying. CC came at around 12 and just hung about and me and Carisa speculated videos and I did something I thought would be unnoticeable but Fajar noticed and it lead to him having a scary PM along the lines of 'u sed all tht thru th internet.. n now IRL?' and a hideously bad mood which we talked about when us girls went to my house. Alhamdulillah the argument didn't last long 'cause I surrendered but he surrendered too and I knew all was good when he, I and Carisa played Nameless together 8D Our names were .Guardian Angel., Devil Protector and Vigilant Being respectively and I found it to be tons of fun in the sun OK ignore that part.

Later at 4:30 or something we made our way outside to the brilliant fresh air consisting of wind and ... brilliant fresh air! Awesome! =D All was random I guess. Everybody was there, srsly. We played with Ocha's chicken [threw it and tried to catch one leg with our fingers] and weeped at the poor Lego Box that was thrown away and kicked balls and messed about. We also talked but I forgot of the subjects, although the future was one of 'em... Well whatever. Suddenly Fajar invited me to play Badminton despite my commentary of the air conditions and as he made his way to the door Carisa made this HILARIOUS weird noise and we 3 burst out laughing. After obtaining 2 rackets me and Fajar played against each other with Carisa being our net. The boys were footballing and kept aiming at Carisa whilst Cania, Nisa and Hamzah discussed Hamzah's life. I was looking at him, mesmerised, as the wind blew on his hair and then I said 'Your hair blows nicely against the wind' and he snapped 'I'm talking about my life here!' and my compliment turned into something of a joke I laughed so hard at XD The Badminton game was unfair 'cause the wind resulted in the shuttlecock flying south east. I had more running to do than Fajar who mostly just STOOD THERE when he hit. It was a fun game :D

Back at my house me, Carisa and Cania mingled 'til around 8pm laughing hysterically at Hooskanoonan aka Huskanenen or however you spell it and that was practically it. I expected a good school week :)

lol jake ryan

Oh hay gaiz, I know this is late but Saturday and Sunday rawked better than Thursday and Friday [which didn't, except Villaggio] so I have to type about it .

Saturday

Saturday, hmmh. Well there was KAIFA in which the Space Sisters did not attend so I sat next to Nisa. Tante Lina subbed for Bu Fajri and the lesson was finally FUN. I miss having her as our teacher ); She talked about Ithar or something like that, it's to do with sacrificing yourself to help others. When I got out of the class I immediately talked to Hamzah and watched as Fajar totally ignored me despite last night... Oh well. He left early so it was just me and the Isynas, Nisa was with Dindor. I told Hamzah my Umar dream concerning fireworks and practically fangirled. I kept my voice to a minimum in hopes nobody heard.

[ Beware Cania ] Well at home I was very eager to do my Maths homework so I did. But in the process, I saw my idiot friend open up a chat - God, I was so tempted to reply but if I didn't endure it my work will never be done. So I just swore at Hamzah occasionally when I got really fucking stressed with the questions. THEY WERE SO HARD AND ANNOYING!

When I finally finished at 5, Hamzah and Nisa told me to go outside. Fajar was offline too so I thought he was with them, therefore I rushed but as I reached Nisa's house I found out he wasn't. It was just Nisa and Hamzah and they were looking at each other's DT folders. We laughed at Hamzah's SKY logo and I marvelled at Nisa's range of designs and colours. At Maghrib-ish I thought about Kempo 'cause Fajar smsed me but after a few minutes he suddenly appeared from behind me and looked at Nisa's folder in which he was told to choose from purple/yellow/red or something. He chose purple and we made a big deal out of it :D We talked as if we never had a fight for 5 days. 20 minutes passed with us talking and stuff; Fajar went home to pray and I to Nisa's. We Facebooked but then I suggested a movie 'cause Hamzah was being lame and couldn't go outside.

I looked at my MSN at home whilst getting movies and saw Fajar's nickname coloured PURPLE AHAHAHA such an idiot xD He told me it's his new favourite colour. Anyway back at the Ulumuddin household we began watching Harold and Kumar 2, I told Fajar to hurry and come over and he did - it was just us 3. Ahoushi kept fiddling with my phone and said he lost the other half of the human chain -__-;; I also speculated his Ben 10 watch toeng. Anyway, OMG the movie is soooo funny [we all laughed out loud of course] but suddenly a really rude part appeared 1/3 of the way so we had to exit, padahal it was nice D: Fortunately I had backup movies! :D Shoot 'Em Up was freaking bloody actionish but so funny especially when the guy shot neon lights spelling 'FUK U' and the enemy shot more lights and it spelled 'FUK U TOO', we 3 LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AND LAUGHED at that. But then ANOTHER rude scene came in and Fadhli was behind us soooooo yeaaaaah -__-;; Bye2 movie #2.

Thank God we already exited 'cause Tante Lisna came home [XDXDXD] and Fajar transferred himself to Fadhli's room but at 8:30 he went home 'cause he felt sleepy, although after 5 minutes he opened up a chat to say he can't sleep and wondered 'bs msi dsitu?' like 4x. He wanted to come back but his mom already locked the door, right. So me and Nisa watched The Haunting Hour and there was Jake Ryan and boy, we LOLed at that guy A LOT. Nisa kept saying 'lol Jake Ryan' and 'Peace on you Jake Ryan' in a STUPID accent and I kept rolling over laughing because of them XD He was cute in the movie *-* but Nisa had something against him xD Anyway it was such an unscary movie so we laughed a lot at the lameness - it was generally entertaining nevertheless. I went home at 9:48 after much LOLing.

This entry came out longer than I expected o___O;; Sunday shall be next.

Processing... 6%

It's like a clock ticking slow in the waiting room
It's like a doctor calling but he's got no news
My heart keeps racing, I don't know what to do
You're giving me anxiety

Like a message in a bottle that nobody read
The famous last words that nobody said
Tell me what is wrong tonight
You're giving me anxiety

Well well well, what has been going on to me for the past 2 days [Thursday & Friday]? Nothing. I made no progress at anything whatsoever, not even h/w... Which I had so much willpower to do today but threw away due to anxiety...

Yes, for the past 2 days I've been living under confusion, regret, anxiety and worry. I can only blame myself, who I hate. If it weren't for all the above emotions + hesitation I would be having a better home-time than now. But no. I completely ignored Fajar on Thursday despite his 2 attempts to make up with me, and now today he didn't bother greeting at all - because it's my turn now. But, it's 7PM and I've been babbling to Hamzah since what, 1pm, that I wanted to say something to Fajar soooo bad but I haven't. Oh how idiotic I am.

Well anyway yesterday I played Nameless with Carisa and I really wanted to invite Fajar but my feelings were still processing so I couldn't. So then it was 5 and I went to Villaggio with the Space Sisters, I had to leave him .__. I had a blast though. WE LAUGHED SO HARD [I cried and had trouble breathing] in Virgin because of this magazine called 'Abdominals' and its catch-phrase was 'In pursuit of a perfect midsection'. I MEAN COME ON! And then there was this 6 year old kid browsing through the magazines and we were like wtf and I said 'I bet he is in pursuit of a perfect midsection' and BWAHAHAHAHAH we went XD I think we spent 1 hour there, looking at cool expensive stuff and Teen Magazines which had awesome Taylor Lautner and ugly Zac Efron and Jonases.

We were also in pursuit of Jozali 'cause we found Sally Jozali and uhh we looked at the men's side a lot HIEK. There were TOO MUCH Mohawked Arabs HIH. Then we ate KFC of course and found Hamzah's shoe's pattern on some shoes in GO Sport and there was Fayza but I didn't greet. Our last stop was H&M, we stayed there for 1hour and we had this brilliant idea to get clothes we never wanna wear in our entire lives and play dress-up in the changing room BWAHA. You can see the results up there ^. When it was time to go home I boughts Tiramisu 8) It was mighty fun. But I didn't buy any clothes -__-

So today people went to Dukhan whilst me, Isynas and Sudarsanas were stuck in the compound with nothing to do [Museum dreams shattered]. I think it's also too late to ask everyone now to go to there after KAIFA... I ignored all homework and simply spam-chatted with Hamzah and super-hesitated at greeting Fajar. I even came up with a script! Today was a total waste, srsly. Sigh. Now I only has Saturday and Sunday to do ALL my homework. Oh yeah my dad did a talk with me about Colorado School of Mines and I really don't know what to do anymore. ): I... I JUST WANNA SORT THINGS OUT WITH ME AND FAJAR RIGHT NOWWWWW

Later... OK so now it's 8PM and like I said to Hamzah, I kept my swear and greeted Fajar after I prayed. I vigorously typed my script at a speed of 120km/h with flaming cheeks and a pounding heart.. Wtf? I know that sounds weird but it happens all the time between me and him. He didn't answer for like 5 minutes and I thought I lost all hope but oh look just now he answered... I'M TOO SCARED TO OPEN IT! DX Let us leave this entry with a cliffhanger... [apaan sih?]

LOLstuff

LOL I was trying on my friend's high heels.

Greetings all~ Despite Fajar problems which are supposed to be over by now only due to my cowardiceness and late processing I haven't settled it yet, I had a funny week. They can't really be described chronologically so here goes separate paragraphs...

OK so I remember it was Physics and O'Neil was like 'We're gonna learn about Maxwell's Theory' or something like that and suddenly Moh. Akkad started singing 'Maxwell House' and doing these waving hand gestures and it was SOOOOO DAMN FUNNY and I wanted to laugh so hard but I couldn't because I'd be the only one so all I did was smile to myself; he kept SINGING IT ALL LESSON too! XD Only those who know the commercial would start ROFLing over this like Carisa.

Another Physics thing; we're learning about the Doppler effect you see, and it's when you hear cars zoom past you and it goes 'NGEEEEEEEEEONG', you know? So anyway, O'Neil showed us videos about that term and everytime the video wanted to show how it sounds like all the boys kept going 'NGEEEEEEEEEEEEONG' and oh my God I kept LAUGHING until I cried. Even when the teacher was explaining they kept making that stupid SFX. xD Hilarious. Oh yeah, if you wanna watch the amusing video about it [which includes random cows] and laugh, go here.

Yesterday in Photography it was only me, Carisa and Hamzah so we went all around school to take pictures of nature, when we got to that volleyball field place Hamzah said 'Ooh grass!' in a non-mocking and ridiculous dumbfounded tone [he was literally oohing] and I burst out LAUGHING and cried 'cause God, it was hilarious. Hamzah was being serious so he didn't get it, and Carisa was too far away to hear. Then we moved on to the Year 3 & 4 playground and took pics of bushes and suddenly Hamzah said 'Ooh a spiderweb!' and 'I hate spiders!' AND THIS TIME CARISA HEARD IT TOO SO WE WERE BOTH BWAAAAAAHHAHAHAAHAHAAing XDXDXD SO FUNNAAAY!

It was the end of Maths and me, Lara and Shaza were the last to leave, so effin Griffin called out 'Have a nice weekend girls' and Lara was like 'You too Sir' or something like that and then I said to her 'Lara I can't believe you're bothered to say that, I hate him!' and the thing is we were JUST OUT THE DOOR when I remarked that so Shaza and Lara were like 'SYANIA HE HEARD!!!' and I went 'So what if he knows I hate him?' LOL. You can't be so sure he heard though, 'cause he's quite deaf you see. And what's he gonna do about it, give me detention?

Oh yeah in that tedious lesson I randomly scratched Shaza's book right and after 5 minutes she finally noticed and tipex-ed it and we started snickering. Then effin Griffin's I-hear-laughter-which-isn't-allowed-in-my-boring-and-quiet-class radar turned on so he went over our desk and saw the tipexness and he grinned and said 'What's this? Frustration?' and I was like PFFT IDIH SOK LUCU AMET SIH and after he left me and Shaza were like 'He's trying to be funny but fail' and 'He's such a stalker'.

In the fun lesson we call Chemistry, we were doing an experiment and Yacout was looking for a boiling tube but he couldn't find one in the rack so Parry was like 'Mohamed, here!' and in a quick flash I heard a CRASH and I looked at the floor to see a BROKEN BOILING TUBE which I realised Parry THREW at Yacout to catch but he failed. Then he was like 'Sir you were too fast' or something like that and Parry went 'It's your fault for having slow reflex, now how much should we charge him?' and Fathy said 'QR120' and Yacout kept complaining and Parry kept blaming and I just wanted to LOL at all that.

Music club wasn't as fun as last week so I shall go bla and say that after I prayed Carisa told me Hamzah handed the keyboard over to my custody and I was like WHAT HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO A GIRL? and rage rushed in me, but in the end Carisa wanted to bring it in order to improve her upper muscles or something so I carried her guitar and Cania's stuff -___-;; [wow that was a long sentence] I then got a phone call and saw the name UMAR and I was gonna faint but I picked it up and he urged me to stay at school 'cause I'm carrying the keyboard so just wait at the gate OK and bla3 concern stuff and when I hung up I went FAAAAAAAINT 'cause hello, it was UMAR?!? And who knew he could say such nice stuff like that? I was literally flying. But then when I went home and told Hamzah he said that... it was HIM. What shattered dreams I had, it was too good to be true. But but but ... Hamzah's voice was cool.

In the car we listened to music as usual and when I turned on Your Guardian Angel Umar started singing those high parts and it was SOOOOO EPIC FAIL so I couldn't help but to grin 'cause seriously... SO FAIL! I can't believe he wasn't embarassed doing that in front of me.

OK I had fun typing all that, the next entry I can assure you will be less delightful HAHA.

Jealousy Part II

They make it alright, but I'm not OK

Oh God, another day, another problem. My happiness lasted only 2 days... I thought things will work out alright but no, he had to bring up a new issue.
Sure, now I can say I'm jealous but not that much, not as much as you. All I have to ask is 'Why are you doing this to me?' I had hopes for tomorrow and this long weekend you know, with you in all of them. Not. Him.
Well, like you always say, 'fine if that's how you want it'.

And this photo shows the amount of colour in my life right now.

Jealousy... and Hatred

Oh jealousy, look what you've done, you got a hold of him, you made him become;
You rip apart his insides, you tear apart his whole life, you take the best of him...
Don't you know how much potential is inside of you?

I slept for 10 minutes in Physics, ICT and Maths today HAHA. It was funny 'cause O'neil and Griffin didn't notice me at all. Peachey saw me and woke me up but she didn't really mind. In the free lesson I listened to music loudly and just put my head on my arms and slept for the entire hour. It was so hard trying to open my eyes again 'cause they were glued together. We practised for the Mental Maths thing and I was the 3rd last person standing.

After school I started to wake up 'cause there was Primary. Fajar and Khalid told us this stupid P.E. story of theirs of Fajar poking a guy's eyeball and somebody's pants ripping and I reminded ahoushi of his promise yesterday. He was supposed to travel to the car as told by Iwan but he told him to go first and instead stayed behind to talk to me; I was glad he kept his word and touched by his action. Primary was hot and watching Riko is amusing. The kids wouldn't listen to the teacher so he said 'I feel like swearing and throwing these children to the wall', then me and Hamzah looked at each other and started laughing XD So funnay. In the car we ate pizza and listened to Melee.

Hometime was a wreck and I feel really guilty 'cause everything that happened was 60% my fault and shoot me, but I hardly admit I'm wrong in anything [stubborn banget sih] so this is sincere. This is also definitely the first time I really wanna go back into time and fix things. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have, but what did I know? I like telling things to people, specially happy stuff. I made an oath and apologised, I don't know if I'm forgiven; now all I have to do is wait, really, and pray. Ya Allah please don't let this drag on. I really want my Sunday back, and his mood to restore, 'cause I hate yearning. Amin.

One thing I really don't get though, why the jealousy and hatred?

You Are

We're friends forever

OK it's official I will not type about the 5th & 6th of February simply because I can has photos and a memory and uhh I ain't bothered to type about a 10 days ago. 'Tis sad, 'cause they were awesome.

Today was a happy day, seriously. Nothing was wrong [well cept in ICT] and it hasn't been like this in a long time so I'm utterly grateful. I was sleepy the entire school day though.
Thankfully enough Shaza didn't bug me about the villaggio thing, she's 16 for God's sake so why would she bring it up anyway. It was time for Maths, Griffin was gonna give our marks and I stepped out the registration class saying 'I don't care if I get a D' to my friends and guess what? When I looked at my test paper I saw a big D on it.
Talk about irony. -___-;; I should've said 'I dont care if I get an A' HAHA. Well it's the destiny and I really don't care [even if my classmates got B's and above]. Instead, I could've performed Sujud Syukur knowing we're missing our 2nd period of Maths due to a Uni Fair. An entire hour of Maths gone! :D
*Cania don't read* Well in free lesson I finished off my ICT essay only to find we have 2 more to do for next Monday. Fuck ICT, curse its shitty essays, I don't even learn any crap in that cunt of a subject. What a way to ruin my long weekend, damn her. I wish to drop or better yet fail it. Anyway this is supposed to be a happy day, so put that aside.
*OK you can read again* All day I kept watching people holding roses and I sort of wished Fajar bought me one 'cause he wanted to but changed his mind, damn you man. There was a Physics test and I finished it in the first 30 minutes so guess what [I love guessing games], I slept for the rest of the hour :D It was awesome. My first time sleeping in class properly.
After school I got out the class too early so nobody was there. Since I was still half-awake, I just sat down against the pole and attempted to doze again, head on my bag. I started hearing my friends coming but they didn't nudge me so I kept at it. I was nearly asleep when suddenly someone poked my shoulder and a distinct voice said 'Why are you being emo' and I gazed up and saw Fajar. Thanks man.
He was holding a familiar-looking paper... OMG it was the drawing I wanted to secretly send to Hamzah o___O;; He and I discussed about it for a while [some Yr12 guy I think was Luay gave it to Khalid but he gave it to Fajar], me panicking and constantly trying to grab it from him [that boy wouldn't let it go] but Umar got the better of me and he pointed the Periodic Table-enveloped drawing towards the sun in an attempt to make out the content - 'It's a drawing... He's giving her chocolate?' or something like that. Hamzah was standing right next to him -__-;; So I made Fajar give it to Hamzah. He started tearing it open, stupidly not knowing how just because the sides are glued together, but people were looking - I could've sworn my face went hot - so I frantically told him not to see it in public.
Then all was random. I asked Andin about her roses, how suspicious of anonymous, and talked to Khalid about things too. I didn't feel like going to IA so me, Khalid, the Year 6s and Fadhli made our way to the back. Me and that 3rd Isyna conversed as if we've been doing so for a long time - I forgot what about but I think it's the rose thing. It felt nice (: In the car we had our music problems, the file manager is annoying -__-;; We commented of Salmaniye's Green Day freakness plus teased Fadhli of his Jason Mraz fan-ness and everyone sang along, srsly.

At home I felt free even though I has 2 essays and Chemistry write-up to do. Well whatever, I wanted to enjoy my day, which I did, 'cause I ate cow-eyed egg and spaghetti and watched America's Next Top Model and got loads of Facebook photo comments and when my parents talked about Universities I didn't get annoyed and Fajar said something that made me go YESSSSSSS! *evil grin* That idiot and me finally chatted for a long time again, from Asar-ish 'til his typical bedtime and I was touched *touched. Towards the evening we had some sort of dispute about looks which hopefully is sorted out now and at night we argued about this Doubutsu Uranai website, he didn't believe me and I kept talking bad about him so yeah. I knew it was over when he suddenly started typing in gibberish and people's names appeared in 'em so I laughed and laughed.
It's 10:30 and I still didn't do my h/w -___-;; Instead I'm just listening to music, chatting with Carisa and webcamming with Adam.

Yes, what a great day. :)

Tell me Why We will not go Down

Tell me why, does it have to be like this? When so many need somebody, we don't give a helping hand
You can burn our mosques and our homes and our schools but our spirit will never die. We will not go down, Ghaza tonight

THOSE SONGS ARE STUCK IN MY HEAD EEK.

Well anyway it was quite the hectic weekend. I shall explain each day in brief [my kind of brief is different than yours kthx].

Thursday
Uh seriously I was not fond of today. The weather was still awesomely stormy though but so was my insides. Parry came back and Chemistry continued its amusingness. I talked to Adam 3x today concerning Carisa's card and in 2nd break also about FAJAR. He is acting weird. I talked to that boy after school asking what's wrong and all that but he only shook his head and said no, grr. I was pissed off. I went to badminton and the participants decreased in number. I can has played with Carisa, Farhan, Indra and Kerry. Hamzah was the last man standing; the space sisters got to be with Umar and I was like.. D: Mau jugaaaaa. Bonnar put weird background musics and we laughed at 'em several times.
Hmmh, at home I sorted things out with ef ay jay ay ar. But to my surprise, he ignored me all night. It's hard having a good-looking person do that to you. Everyone was rehearsing for the Palestine thing so I felt far away, but I'm not complaining OK. I got really bored. Walked around everywhere frequently [it was cold but I liked it], Anty and Ocha especially o___O;; I didn't eat dinner either. 'Til 11 we stayed in the clubhouse doing stuff. Huh, it was quite boring basically.

Friday
Ohemgii today sucked tooo. I woke up at 10:30 after having a weird dream and my entire body ached, it felt like I fell on my behind. I was meant to go to villaggio with my school mates but I cancelled it 'cause I was moody x__x;; It got the better of me as usual. I ended up going to the Gladi Bersih though at around 5, 'cause well, I don't wanna miss anything.
Came early with Nisa and the Isynas. She went in but I stuck around in the hall admiring the posters and conversing with Dasa. Yeah I spent most of my time with that cute kid, if only he's a teenager I think we could be really good friends. I talked to Khalid a lot too *sparkles. And Hamzah, but that's normal. Weeell, what can I say, they rehearsed, I watched and recorded, mingled with others but at the end felt like sitting alone listening to music. Fajar ignored me agaaaain. Oh, and I got to meet Hamzah's new piano. He should give it a name.

Saturday
It's so weird how today was awesome but Fri and Thurs wasn't yet last week Saturday sucked but Fri and Thurs rocked o___O;; *still didn't type about it yet! How opposite, haha. Well anyway I've got videos and photos to explain everything so I'll just mention how I was standing around watching a performance when suddenly Fajar said hallo but I didn't know at who but he was standing next to me. Then he said look at all my pins and pointed at his pants and shoes. I just looked at him for a second and kept quiet being the un-bigheaded person I am. After that I took care of a stand with the boys and he was strangely enough sitting beside me watching me work whilst conversing with the lads and he brought up pin man to me. That's when I realised he's talking to me again, I knew he couldn't stand it HAHA *bighead now?
From then onwards, I had a lot of fun that I was able to capture even when my video memory got full and my camera battery was dying. Didn't expect anything good from this weekend at all, but I got 'em anyway, alhamdulillah. When the panitia were the only ones left me, Dhe3, Nisa, CC and the Isynas talked about school and all that stuff - well, I just listened, as usual. Oh and Umar was too preoccupied with his guitar. Leave his awesomeness be.
At home I felt too free to do my work, I have free lesson anyway. Got accepted to Colorado School of Mines and got chicken to tell my dad. He was too enthusiastic about it .__.;; I don't even really wanna go there. Put all that aside, I really did have a great day and I think I feel fine now. Fajar feels fine too so all is good (:

Semoga sekolah mendukung juga? Haha, amin! :D

I Created the Storm

With my awesome Storm ring.

Today was a great day! I'm glad I wasn't one of those people who hates Wednesdays. As usual, hometime was a turnover but I don't wanna talk about it.

Anyway in the morning I was stressing over my Maths test 'cause I didn't study last night, I was too busy working on an exercise 'til 12:30 AM [which flippin' Griffin doesn't wanna take in yet]. I slept in the car though 'cause I couldn't stand the sleepiness. In fact, in my free lesson I kept taking 5-minute dozes inbetween my last-hour revising. It felt greaaat.

The exam was bull. I know I lost more than 8 marks already. I skipped an entire question - the paper was just too 'challenging' or should I say difficult. I only blame 20% to myself though for not studying.

We had Physics in the library and it was great fun 'cause me and Jana talked about our future inventions. It was such a hilarious conversation, we're too imaginative and dreamy - but have high ambitions. When we grow up we want to be trillionaires and kill Jews and give 10% of our profits to save the hungry children of Ethiopia. Yeah.

Chemistry was pure freedom. God, it was so funny and fun [as usual]. I discovered that Parry got bitten by a cat and was sent to the hospital, so we had no teacher. The boys were wild, they played volleyball with a glove buddy and used chairs for the net. They scribbled on the whiteboard and jumped across tables, and only Ahmed Almeer was the responsible one who wrote down what we were supposed to be doing. They constantly went in and out of the room and hung in front of the window xD Speaking of window, when one of the guys opened the curtain they exclaimed at how the yellow the sky was and everyone rushed over to see. They started talking about aliens or something, but obviously it was a sandstorm. An epic one. Abdu suddenly appeared outside and jumped in from the window. Then the Heads felt responsible and decided to call up MacLeod and the dudes began going YESS YESS and pumping fists. We didn't do our work though. Us 3 girls chatted about TV shows instead for 30 minutes. Aweesome.

After school I blabbed to Hamzah and Cania about the lesson, and Parry. I wanted Fajar to hear but I think he got the impression I was aiming at Hamzah only. That boy really is acting strange now. Carisa showed me Iwan's card and it was soooooooooo damn hilarious, I kept laughing. Then I found out how everyone's going to Music Club so I decided to join too. Plus I'm free.

I hung around with Carisa first but she ended up in the trailer [Hamzah came over too for some odd reason] where it was so hot so I went outside and played with Indira, Ifa and Cania. Then I had an idea to go to the drumshed, I invited Cania and dragged Hamzah to join. It was packed so we went back. I loved the weather - the sky was brown and dark, it was really windy and everything felt great. Sort of.

Umar brought his electric guitar and I thought that I could've died of fangirl hearbeat attack. Well anyway me, Cania and Indira wanted to break open doors so we can go on the roof then found a rolling chair stranded in front of the Tech Block and brought it over to the yard. We wanted to jackass with it but I feared getting in trouble, oh why did I care. Even Iwan commented about that.

Soon I joined in with the boys and remembered that Umar 'cn play fall for you nyhehe' so I asked him to. He finally did towards the end and I watched and listened intently. Everybody left the area already 'cept Cania, Indira and Ifa who stuck around for a minute so it was just me and him after. It felt like he was [secondhand] serenading me and I savoured the precious moment, *dreamy sigh*. He didn't memorise the lyrics though and struggled to get the chords right but maybe he was just nervous :D Me and Cania waited for him to pack up then we walked to the Masjid, just me and the twins. I noticed that Fajar didn't wait for Umar, huh ._.

On the wild, sandy and windy way there I showed that guy a song and he actually asked me questions and bent over to see my mobile *dies*. Waiting for the car took forever so I just conversed with the 3 older Isynas. By the way I talked more with Khalid at school too :D

The car trip was freakishly quiet.

Roses Smell Like Poo

I wanted to buy 2, 1 for them and 1 for you, but I was too late

Gah I'm supposed to be studying for my 6-chapter Maths test tpi g mulai2 krna g tenang klo g nge-blog dlu. How stupid is that?

I've had an awkward week. Good, bad, confusing, sad, weird and happy things happened so I can't seem to find the real emotion behind these last 3 days. One thing's for sure I'm not in a good mood so I still haven't typed about Thursday and Friday.

Well on Sunday I went to IA and we walked for 1Km outside the school for 14 minutes. At home I panicked about the 3 incomplete essays I was meant to hand in on Monday; it was too much work so I was firm to skip school the next day.

Monday was OK, it got worse at home. I skipped an entire day of school just to complete my research, I repeat, research, not typing up. My mom wasn't happy about it but she let me off anyway. I won't do it again.
I arrived to school at 12:50pm and I realised that hardly anyone noticed I wasn't there for the nearly 6 hours. I even inquired Hamzah and he was like 'But you're here' I think and I told him I just came, guh I guess he didn't see me come in.
I couldn't find Matar or my typical after-school people and wanted to talk to Fajar but he was too engrossed with the boys. When I called Hamzah's name though he called out 'Bs' to me and I was like what? and he was like blank. So we didn't talk.
Dhea wasn't in Primary so it was just me and Hamzah. It was kinda hot but windy and Riko came, yay! As usual I laughed and made fun of that guy so mm yea I pretty much had fun.
In the car it was just the Isyna boys, me and Ocha and I sat at the back so I could talk to them and it was amusing.
At home I had it rough, I hurted myself on purpose just to help someone and I decided I won't do that ever again either. I don't even like the idea. I took in Hamzah's advice and I guess felt comforted.
I stayed up 'til 1AM doing 2 of my essays, it wasn't all that tiring really. When I finished I went to bed but read a book 'til 3:30. I'm such a naughty girl.

I prepared 24QR and found out it was no use. Tuesday felt breezy, but when I got home I felt bad. I thought home is where the heart is, seriously. I skipped Chemistry for this Road Safety assembly thing and when I got to ICT, me and my classmates started researching the presenter guy, Basil Shaaban. I put my essays on Peachey's table 'cause I couldn't find her and I didn't want to face her anyway.
After school I was eager to see people's class photos but I only saw Aman, Farah, Dhea and Nisa's. How lame is that? Khalid and Fajar didn't even take theirs. And I forgot to ask the twins.
Photography club was great I guess, but felt different from the usual. I was with Carisa, Dhea and Hamzah mostly, we took pics of the footballers [sadly Umar didn't come] and then some plants at the front and a Security Guard. Sabbagh's kid called Nick I think stalked us and Carisa called him a sonofasabbagh. I laughed.
On my way upstairs I saw Adam and Arif, Adam was like 'What are you guys doing' and I said 'Uh, photography duh' and then he asked for my camera so I gave it to him and he took it downstairs; I was like whaa? but headed to the class anyway, he came back and told the teacher that he stole someone's camera, found it from the floor and when I asked him what he was doing he walked out the room -___-;; Weird boy.
When I got home my dad gave me mail especially from Canada. I was happy to be acknowledged by the universities and added them to my external mail collection. I have one from the SATs, right from the USA.
I realised how quiet Fajar has been for the past days. If the reason is because of what I think it is, then I'm gonna kill him. But if it's because of games, then I forgive him. He doesn't even talk at school, let alone chat. I'm not worried or anything, just quite concerned and curious 'cause we're fine and I already know that. Well I am really busy anyway so I guess this is for the no-disturbance benefit.
I just remembered about the Maths test yesterday so I couldn't study then but I knew about it clearly today so I still don't get why I haven't opened my book. I'm an idiot, failing life on purpose when I have so much potential. I reached home at 3:30 and was very tired so I couldn't start. I rested and all 'til Maghrib, determined to begin at 6. But I didn't. Then I was really sleepy so at 7 I slept on the couch, telling Ocha to wake me up 15 minutes later but when my eyes jolted open I saw 8pm on the clock. I wasted my time, and here I am now blogging which wastes even more.

What is wrong with me? Is it because of procrastination? Or just sheer laziness? Or no motivation in education? Or do my mood swings have the greatest effect? I don't feel all that swingy, just my same self with a few grudges... hatreds... yeah. Maybe there isn't anything wrong with me actually, it's just the way I am. OK that's all.

Silence is Golden?

For Ghaza - Mom, I want to bloom like a flower

I had an awesome weekend [Thurs, Flash Duels & Fri, Random nightage], I'll type about it tomorrow I guess 'cause I need to work on my essay right now, but I wanted to blog something first 'cause I'm desperate.

I was so glad to attend KAIFA today 'cause we worked on posters weee! I was able to conduct the idea I've had for weeks onto paper [top pic] and I gotta say I'm quite pleased with the pose and the flower but I couldn't do the destroyed buildings. It took me like 1 hour to draw the kid, you know? -__-;; S'not as easy as you think.

When I was done, the lesson was over too so I went out to the hall place but there were no girls around. I struck up a conversation with Hamzah I think and then Fajar barged in and he began blabbing on about how hey I can play the guitar now; see look this is D, this is A, and this is C. He randomly pulled up his shirt at me and showed off his accessories -__-;; We conversed some more then he ran off to the guys and I remembered about my poster so I showed Hamzah and then Fajar too; since it didn't look clear on the screen I invited Hamzah to come over to the class to see the real thing but he declined although Fajar was like I wanna see, let's go and so we walked to the emptier class.

Later on I went downstairs and as I waited for Ocha I talked to Fajar again, then me and my family and the twins headed for our cars. However, there was a small crowd gathering around the car in front of mine and it turns out that the person accidentally got locked out. I didn't know why they made such a big deal, but after 10 minutes I looked through the window and realised that there was an infant trapped inside o____o He was very young so he couldn't understand when the parents told him to pull open the door. I was like ohmyGod, worried, but then felt relieved that the AC was on. I wanted to sms Hamzah about it but suddenly I turned around and saw him walking towards us so I told him everything and he was like oAo. The crowd grew as minutes passed by and I think I stayed there for 30 minutes. Nisa and Dhe3's family came later on and there were even police. I sort of found it cool and secretly recorded everything like what Hamzah suggested. Firstly the security and fathers tried to pry open the window with a ruler but then the police and Fadhli was it? came to the rescue with real tools. It was epic; they unfixed the window and the kid was saved, alhamdulillah. Me and Hamzah repetitively mentioned how they should've broken the glass instead 'cause it would be cooler. And easier, of course xD

I bought a 500GB hard disk drive at Jarir. Anyway, the afternoon was a total dramatic turnover from the past 2 days. It was reaaaaaaaaaaally quiet. Silent. I chatted with Matar but it still felt too peaceful. 0.0 Aaaaaah how I hated it all. I like quiet guys but for some reason want noise from them. How weird am I? Actually I like quiet guys who know how to be loud. Oh well, we all needed rest didn't we? I was meant to be doing Carisa's card and my essay but for some reason I wouldn't budge. I wanted to chat with Fajar but I knew he was busy with NLRO. At Maghrib though, noise emerged. Nisa opened up a chat, Fajar asked if I wanted to play NLRO [his PM said he was bored, someone play nlro with me and I knew he was talking abt myself HAHA] and then later on Cania and Adam appeared. Plus, Facebook ws overloaded with comments.

It was impossible to leave the laptop 'cause I had such a profound conversation with ahoushi. It was a really sad one and this time we both poured out everything, except tears. I was so relieved to hear him out, but got hurt in the process. It wasn't just me though. He was hurt too. He told me something about himself which makes me feel like I've been a bad best friend. In the end though I think we settled it evenly but I don't know if I'll stop getting pain inflicts or not. When I look back I wish I never knew about those things he said but curiosity got the better of me anyway. He already reminded me that he doesn't want to tell me because I'd feel 'something2' [aka hurt] and he was right all along. I should've followed what he said and stopped asking; I didn't know he knew me so well, maybe I would've been happier not knowing. Nevertheless, I was too thankful for words to hear him tell me that I'm his no.1 friend, or only, he thinks.

Amongst that deep chat, I had hilarious ones with Adam and Nisa. Adam never intends to make me laugh of course, but the things he say are just too funny, and Nisa showed me a stupid song and a hilarious vid which I kept laughing at. Some Facebook stuff were funny too and I think all that laughing caused me to take the Fajar convo a little less in. Without those smiles I think I would've cried/broken down or something 0.0;; It was nearly my appointed bedtime [9:00pm] but I never started my work, I just chatted chatted chatted. Noise can be shit sometimes. It's now 10:20, huh -___-;; I blogged longer than I wanted to.

I wish I fall in love, I forgot what it feels like

Wednesdays rule.

I soar to your heart

Well no, not really, but compared to Tuesday [which sucked due to reasons I will not mention], Wednesday really was a good day, and that is due to the fact that me and Fajar are communicating again. I don't want to paste the log because uh, it shall remain personal, but he told me how bored he was when we're not in our normal conditions.
Afterschool he was so hyper so I couldn't believe he still needed me around, even after Cania told me that she saw him looking at me with concern. I really thank Adam for always helping us out and putting up with our hardheaded, stubborn behaviours. He had a tough time dealing with us both, and I still don't quite know why he wanted to do it. I also thank Cania for being there for me.
Fajar greeted me in MSN at like... 4? or something and this is probably the 3849th time he starts talking first after a fight/silent distance. We've had 15 so far. I thought it would end at 14, in December/end of November. I forgot. Well anyway, I heard that he doesn't want to start first this time because all his life it was always him, but hey hey, today he did it. I ignored him 'til like 7pm though 'cause I wasn't brave enough to open the chat window, how stupid was I?

He was being really sweet. His words were like... gentle and kind. Cie the inner Fajar is revealed. He listened as I ranted about things I've been keeping in from him. He had to go to sleep at 8 sadly. I don't know why, but I felt sad. I'm happy we're back to normal of course, I thought I was gonna sujud syukur, but a part of me still had sorrow inside. Probably 'cause the chat was about something that's been bothering me, so I remembered and got upset again? Well I don't know.
I told him about badminton and he asked if he could come as if I ruled it and I said you can only come if you play with me too and he said okk.

User's Guide to Life

Why do you care?

Yeah, why do I, dedicating my emotions and way of spending life towards someone who wouldn't necessarily ever do the same? I don't know, Allah is making it that way, He's leading me through a path I can't find on a map. Who am I to complain? It's all been planned out. Someday, I'll reach my destination and whatever it may be, I shall trust Him that it's the best for me. Nevertheless, I will still pray for my desires. I wonder what his road is like? Am I in it? Could I possibly be a mere pit stop, or could I be the companion who travels with him, finding the way together, 'til the end? God knows. I don't, so I'm just waiting here confused and lost like the person I am, unsure where to go, if I have to keep walking or standing here hoping something will pass by. What am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to know what I should do? What if I decide on something but everything goes wrong, then how can I fix things? What if I just keep my feet on the ground but in fact miracles are just a mile away, then how would I know if it's too late to start walking? Why can't there be a User's Guide to Life?

I had a decent time today except Primary which I found horrible because of, well, loneliness. Dhea doesn't help at all. Inbetween classes I noticed that Fajar is now beginning to talk to his friends unlike yesterday where he kept walking alone. He wore a smile and that P.E. bag I gave him again - he seemed so proud with it, having it rest against his back for the most part. It looked comfortable and belonging there and I wished I was in its position. After I talked with Iwan, Carisa, Dhea, Andin? and the boys conversed and joked but I was too afraid to join in, that boy was there, and I didn't think he wanted to talk to me. It was 1pm but the usual didn't occur so I felt even more alone. On my way to Primary I bumped into Adam and he started rambling 'Hey Syania, you gotta talk to Fajar, he's so emo now' and I forgot what I said. Ever since he said that I constantly thought about how I won't affect his emoness, how I don't know what talking to him would do, because his reply could be anything. To think of the brighter side though, it could revive our beautiful friendship, something I risk nearly all of myself into. But I really can't afford to get hurt again. I've thought about how he's the guy so he should start first, which in my 100% honest opinion he infact always did once I recall all our previous 14+ fights, so why don't I begin... today? Well I gave him cookies. Doesn't that count? In the end though I got offended by a question he asked concerning if the cookies were poisoned or not and things went wrong after that; but just tonight Adam told me he was joking and I thought about it. I think... he made that joke to cheer me up, but I wasn't in the mood for it so I broke down. Sigh, again I don't know... I'm just afraid if he doesn't need me back... so I'll never know the right time to speak up.

When I fight with someone, I get too nervous and scared to say anything to them to return the situation back to normal, which is obviously a drawback. I'm always scared of what they'll reply, i.e. I fear getting more hurt. Or maybe just say I'm a coward, yeah. I'm also scared of their situations without me, whether they're having brighter days or not. Once they say something to me though, all the tension and worry flows away, and I guarantee that I will talk back with a good mood, or at least a smile. I'm a dependent person, I need others and rely on others most of the time 'cause believing in myself can only bring me down. I've always believed I was independent though. I guess I was wrong. Another thing is, I feel a sense of appreciation and self-worth if the person I'm fighting with bothers to try me, 'cause face it, I always try for them. I want to feel worth myself too, you know.

Err, this was such a weird-topic-ed entry I know, but again I just felt like blogging so there it was. I'm meant to be doing ICT h/w but it was due for today and the next time I have Peachey is on Thursday so... delay much? I'll do it in tomorrow's free lesson anyway. Oh no, I'm gonna wear batik. And there's photography club. And Adam's scheming something, I think - that deserves the biggest Oh no.

Is There Something Wrong?

Finish it off... Help? Or Hell?

It's like.. 12AM already, I've been wanting to type an entry all day but only got round to it now 'cause I'm uploading photos... at this hour? Yeah, I'm nuts, only wasting valuable sleep time. I don't even know what to type about but I just feel like posting.

Mmm, school. I guess I had a good pre-registration, laughed a lot. Turns out Shaza knows that I'm a depressed person but only got round to mentioning it to me in the weekend. As usual the dreadful hours felt very lonely and I decided to stop pretending to be cheerful in Physics and unleashed my moody side to Jana. Oh yeah, I constantly listened to music from 3rd period up until home time. I discovered that I had an ICT essay to do but when I got home I realised I forgot my USB; I wanted to search thoroughly but after going to the bathroom I guess I forgot. Just now I checked my bag and I found it in the pocket. Shit. Peachey's gonna kill me. Oh well, like I care.

Err, I noticed how Fajar kept walking alone inbetween classes, I mean I didn't even see him with Adam, which is shocking; and after school he and Iwan immediately went to their car. I got worried 'cause his lone-weirdness never reached this level before but I thought to myself how I have my own issues to consider right now, so I should keep the Fajar-worry to a minimum - 'cause face it, does he ever worry about me? Well maybe he does, but I never know that. I need to be selfish, for once. However, Cania suddenly reported that Fajar's back and I turned round and caught him laughing with Umar. I gotta say, I was upset, but relieved.

I walked with Iwan to their car [he commented on how I'm so emo] and Fajar just sort of swept off in front of us, he got in the vehicle so fast and never looked. Then I decided to go to iA 'cause wth do I do at home? It was boring though, we only wasted paper. The car was really full and all the girls were talking about various stuff but I listened only 1/3 of the time 'cause I wanted to listen to music and sing quietly. As I did so, I contemplated. One of them was about how I wish I can play an instrument 'cause I think I have a good sense of rhythm even if my ears are malfunctioned. I also silenty prayed.

What we did in iA

Home is where the heart dies, of course, so I had a bad time. Thank God there was America's Next Top Model. Nobody chatted with me 'til 7pm past, which was Cania. Sometimes freedom is tough. I really had nothing to do; I wanted to draw or something but my mind and heart was too focused with the missing pieces of my daily life. Ya Allah, I wanted to spend the rest of my afternoon sleeping 'cause of how bored I was. I kept staring at Fajar's MSN, thinking Come on, say hi, I'm over this already, I thought you'd be too; I know I'm the only one you chat with; so how could you stand being online but not having anyone- i mean, ME, chat with you? God, it makes me remember how every after school right when I get home he always opens up a window and we chat 'til Maghrib or even when it's time for him to sleep. How could he not miss that? And how could he not miss our little short talks at school? Class-transfer and home is really boring without him. It's so quiet, too quiet, I can't stand the silence. I want to be confident/big-headed and say that when we have our silent distances [diem2an] or issues he seems less happier. I've never said anything like that before about any of my friends, 'cause I'm such an unsure yet stubborn person [s'that possible?], but for once I need a thought of mine to be right. Amin. Besides, who would be happier if they have issues with their own best friends? I hope he remembers that's what we are. Amin again.

Sudah, maafkan aku
Segala salahku
Dan bila kau tetap bisu
Ungkapkan salahmu
Dan aku sifatku
Dan aku khilafku
Dan aku cintaku
Dan aku rinduku

Sudah lupakan semua
Segala berubah
Dan kita terlupa..
Dan kita terluka

Kutanya malam,
Dapatkah kau lihatnya perbedaan
Yang tak terungkapkan
Tapi mengapa, kau tak berubah
Ada apa denganmu?

More formal way to say it: Is There Something Wrong?
More teenager way to say it: What's up with you man?